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OCD - help please feeling like I'm going crazy

T

Thelma

Member
Joined
Apr 29, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Brisbane
Hi all, I was diagnosed with OCD last year and first it centred around being worried I'd done something inappropriate when changing my daughter's nappy and kinda spiralled from there.
Anyway so my doctor asked if I'd ever heard voices as this is apparently not completely uncommon for someone with high anxiety and I said no but the next night when opening my daughter's room i thought I heard what sounded like 'hey' so I freaked out and started googling (bad idea) freaked out I was getting schizophrenia. My doctor also asked if I'd ever had thoughts of harming my daughter and I said oh no way never (which was true yesterday!) I read a forum about someone who kept having the word 'kill' come to mind over and over and it was just OCD and went away. So then that night of course the same thing happens to me and I get the thought 'kill' which turns into 'kill her' (my daughter) and it's completely freaked me out!! I love her more than anything in this world and I never want anything to happen to her but now I'm starting to get really scared and thinking what if I'm actually a danger to her or something. Also feeling so guilty that that thought has even entered my mind :( I've just started on Prozac a couple of weeks ago too so went up from 10mg to 20mg today. Any advice support etc would be so appreciated right now
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
4,332
Location
UK
Hi Thelma

What you are going through is very common - and very normal :hug:

The trauma and anxiety around birth and the responsibility of motherhood often brings on OCD temporarily or makes existing OCD traits exaggerated while your child is small.

Has anybody discussed post-natal depression with you?

I went to a support group for women with post-natal depression and/or anxiety. It was so helpful in understanding all my fears and neuroses were being experienced by other mums too and I recovered very quickly.

The very fact that you adore your child and would never want to hurt her has made her the subject of your fear for that very reason.

Please dismiss these thoughts as just an expression of anxiety. Say out loud "That's ridiculous - that's nothing more than my anxiety at play" and don't worry.

Hope this link will help.

Meantime - relax - you're doing a great job :hug:

OCD during a prenatal or postnatal period – OCD-UK
 
Confusedandanxious

Confusedandanxious

Well-known member
Joined
May 5, 2019
Messages
790
Location
Uk
Lunar has given some great advice and is 100% correct about this being common and normal.

The start of meds or an increase in them can increase anxiety while they are still getting into your system. So try and remind yourself of that, and that it is anxiety playing with your mind.

Most importantly, listen to you yourself when you know that you would never harm your daughter.

It's very clear that you love your daughter very much :hug:
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,664
Location
Nowhere
great advice , if the problem persists
you could go back to the doctor
and ask about a change of medication
prozac is quite an old medication these days
and the new ones are so much lighter on your system

:hug:
 
T

Thelma

Member
Joined
Apr 29, 2019
Messages
5
Location
Brisbane
Thanks so much for the replies. I haven't really talked about PND but I had a pretty scary birth and issues breastfeeding so definitely worth looking into.
I was getting so much better at ignoring random intrusive thoughts and was just mainly stuck where I'd done something and thought it was somehow wrong when noone else did. But now this particular one has thrown me though and completely freaked me out. It actually felt like a different voice or something to normal so I'm starting to stress about hearing voices or something. Can OCD just throw up a random thought that sounds like a command in a different 'voice' (I'm not hearing external voices or anything like that) it sounds so weird to type that. Like a different voice in my head to normal over the top of my other thoughts that's completely freaked me out that's only ever happened with this one thing
 
elliepaige20

elliepaige20

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 13, 2019
Messages
174
Location
Kent
Hi all, I was diagnosed with OCD last year and first it centred around being worried I'd done something inappropriate when changing my daughter's nappy and kinda spiralled from there.
Anyway so my doctor asked if I'd ever heard voices as this is apparently not completely uncommon for someone with high anxiety and I said no but the next night when opening my daughter's room i thought I heard what sounded like 'hey' so I freaked out and started googling (bad idea) freaked out I was getting schizophrenia. My doctor also asked if I'd ever had thoughts of harming my daughter and I said oh no way never (which was true yesterday!) I read a forum about someone who kept having the word 'kill' come to mind over and over and it was just OCD and went away. So then that night of course the same thing happens to me and I get the thought 'kill' which turns into 'kill her' (my daughter) and it's completely freaked me out!! I love her more than anything in this world and I never want anything to happen to her but now I'm starting to get really scared and thinking what if I'm actually a danger to her or something. Also feeling so guilty that that thought has even entered my mind :( I've just started on Prozac a couple of weeks ago too so went up from 10mg to 20mg today. Any advice support etc would be so appreciated right now
Hi there,

This is a very common form of OCD and something a lot of people (including myself) have experienced before. I can assure you right now that you are absolutely NOT a danger to your daughter. If anything, the fact that you are so repulsed by these intrusive thoughts just goes to show what a good person you really are! :) Because you love her so much, you would never actually hurt her in that way; it's just a form of anxiety trying to trick you. Sometimes we all have dark thoughts, it just depends on how we deal with them. A lot of people can just brush them off without a second thought, but for some of us it's a lot more difficult than that. It might be worth speaking to your GP again and maybe even arrange to see a counsellor! That's something that definitely helped me. I hope this has helped in some way xx
 
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