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OCD(?) help needed!


Sarah Theresa

New member
Apr 15, 2010
Hi all,
I 've been sharing a house with a friend for over a year with no problems until recently.
When he moved in he told me he has OCD, with the usual compulsive cleaning symptoms (although he was not ever officially diagnosed or medicated, and he doesn't help clean at all, so I have some doubts!) but has never shown any sign of anything until recently.
The problems started when a new person joined our circle of friends. We all like her, she's really nice, but he has become incredibly obsessed with her. He started talking like her, using her catchphrases and jokes, has become superficially obsessed with xena, because she's a devoted fan, and is constantly trying to out-fan the rest of us ( which I'd odd, as the rest of us aren't competing), will only drive the route she takes to go to uni, claiming it's quickest when it isn't, it's just that it's her favourite route, has joined her karate dojo, but told the rest of us that she didn't want to invite us, when we considered making it a group social activity.
He has sublimated facets of his personality and pasted over them with her traits, and is dismissive of anything I ask or mention unless she is there, and has been horrible to other members of the group- refusing to talk to us, one evening when they got back from karate, when we had a group social dinner planned, He shut the door after they went to another room (as soon as they arrived) and then accused us to me later when we were alone of trying to exclude them, when we wouldn't dream of it.
He's territorial over her and hates it if we
do anything with her while he's not in town, and says we're trying to exclude him and her if we do anything without them, then behaves horribly and treats us all badly in revenge. Which of course only makes things worse, as noone wants to spend social time with someone who us just nasty and spiteful at them all the time, and which may actually cause him to become excluded.
He talks about her constantly, and what they have been doing, and sneers at everything else and what others may be interested in.
only giving other people he meets a chance if she likes them- if she doesn't, he hates them and behaves blatantly and more or less openly spitefully toward them.
He is worst when he's been hanging out with her which is most evenings, unless she is there, then he is more like his old self, or at least, he's not horrible.
I don't think she has any idea about all of this, and I want to be friends with both of them, but I think this level of obsession is unhealthy. He even claims now, to share her anxiety disorder and suffer panic attacks, which he has never had, and begun to drive around with his doors all locked like she does (she does this to ease her anxiety) in spite of this meaning he forgets to unlock the doors when he tries to get out, or let me out to open the garage.
Frankly, I find it all quite creepy. I would have thought it an over the top crush, except that he's gay.
I can't talk to him about it, because he thinks everything any of us says is an attack or an attempt to exclude him or both of them, and seems to be working on a pre-emptive strike theory. I even heard him tell her that we resented them being friends, and that another mutual friend thought of her as a fad, and that the friendship between them would be over as that mutual friend has made other friends/fads.
I have no idea what to do. I like them both, and don't want this to destroy the social group we all share (although it may already be too late) and am extremely worried that this obsessive fervour will not end well for anyone.
This evening he was going over our rental agreement trying to find a way to make it non-binding, and actually felt relieved that he might move out (he decided it was only binding for me, for some reason) which is an awful way to feel about one's best friend.
How can I approach him about this? What can I do? How can I help him get his own self back? Is this related to his possible OCD? Has anyone come across this type of irrationally obsessive behaviour before?

Sorry about the length, I'm just really worried for him!



I think as a group you should take less notice of him. He appears to be attention seeking. As to the arrangement with your living conditions. Have you got a written agreement? If this is in both your names then you should not worry too much. If he moves out I think I should go and see the Housing department, and tell them the difficulties. You could also get an advocate to go with you and help you with any negotiations.
Good luck. I hope it works itself out.:)
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