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OCD: camera obsessions, someone else?

A

Antarctosaurus

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Dec 5, 2020
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Brazil
Hi.
I need to start by saying that English is not my native language, so I may have some complications when writing; but I need to talk to someone about it, someone who is not from my private life.
I have OCD, of course, and I have a lot of violent obsessions and an absurd fear of the camera. And I just can't talk to anyone about it, maybe I think people are going to use it against me (I don't know). I've been avoiding using my cell phone for a year and, since March of this year, it has been kept in my wardrobe and I don't dare touch it or see it (you know, the visual memory ends up fucking our heads). Of course, people realize this and it makes me feel humiliated; and tell lies to disguise the real reason.
I think if I stay in my closed room, all my problems will go away. I wouldn't be afraid to be with people, I wouldn't be afraid to be photographed or filmed, or to do that with anyone. I would be motionless in my bed. I stayed like that for a few days, just watching the light pass through the crack in the door. But this is not life, none of this is life. There is so much I need to do, I want to do it, but I am exhausted by this shit.
Maybe at some point in my life something made me think that I shouldn't be alive, and since I'm still here, I think I'm a very (VERY) bad person. I don't know. Does anyone else feel this way?
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Sadly, although it is not normal, it is more normal in the mental health community, so don't feel that you are the only one. You can talk freely here and we all try to support each other.

I don't know what it is like in Brazil, but if i were like you, i would tell my doctor about it and see if there is any help i could get like talking to a professional or trying medication.

I don't ever worry about cameras personally. It sounds like something people with psychosis would worry about. Someone with schizophrenia.

I don't think you are a bad person but anger is a worrying symptom. When i am unwell, i can become very angry and so i need to take medication to prevent that happening.
 
A

Antarctosaurus

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Joined
Dec 5, 2020
Messages
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Location
Brazil
I couldn't talk to the psychologist about it, so I gave up on continuing therapy. Maybe I'll look for another psychologist and start all over again. I think it's better.
I was only diagnosed with OCD; and I have not heard anyone diagnosed talking about this irrational fear. So it looks like I'm alone, even though I know I'm not. Definitely not. But look, I bought a simple cell phone without a camera, I can go back to being more normal, I can get used to coming back with the smartphone. Maybe one day I can do it.
I was in anguish that day, today I think I'm better. I confess that talking to people on the internet makes me nervous, but it made me feel good, so thanks for reading and responding :]
 
L

Lightanddark

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Yes I know someone is listening to my phone calls
 
dontknowwhattodowithoutyou

dontknowwhattodowithoutyou

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Oct 22, 2020
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66
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<3
Hi.
I need to start by saying that English is not my native language, so I may have some complications when writing; but I need to talk to someone about it, someone who is not from my private life.
I have OCD, of course, and I have a lot of violent obsessions and an absurd fear of the camera. And I just can't talk to anyone about it, maybe I think people are going to use it against me (I don't know). I've been avoiding using my cell phone for a year and, since March of this year, it has been kept in my wardrobe and I don't dare touch it or see it (you know, the visual memory ends up fucking our heads). Of course, people realize this and it makes me feel humiliated; and tell lies to disguise the real reason.
I think if I stay in my closed room, all my problems will go away. I wouldn't be afraid to be with people, I wouldn't be afraid to be photographed or filmed, or to do that with anyone. I would be motionless in my bed. I stayed like that for a few days, just watching the light pass through the crack in the door. But this is not life, none of this is life. There is so much I need to do, I want to do it, but I am exhausted by this shit.
Maybe at some point in my life something made me think that I shouldn't be alive, and since I'm still here, I think I'm a very (VERY) bad person. I don't know. Does anyone else feel this way?
Well, I am also a bit paranoid overall. I do think it can be a symptom of OCD if you are aware it's exaggerated (because in psychosis and schizophrenia, people don't). Like I do use my camera and stuff on my laptop but when I'm not using it, I cover it. It's more like a fear of being hacked or having too much personal information about me out there. Does this sound similar to you?
 
L

Lightanddark

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Yh I’m the same very paranoid
 
A

Antarctosaurus

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Messages
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Location
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Yes, I know it is irrational and exaggerated.
I don't think it's the same, my fear is more linked to me doing something bad and being recorded forever, you know? That thought that I am a horrible person and I will do horrible things and everyone will hate me for the rest of my life.
:/
 
A

Antarctosaurus

Member
Joined
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Messages
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Location
Brazil
Lightanddark, are you just afraid of voice calls or the camera too?
I'm just a little afraid of voice calling, but camera calling (or taking pictures) is impossible for me at the moment.
 
dontknowwhattodowithoutyou

dontknowwhattodowithoutyou

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Yes, I know it is irrational and exaggerated.
I don't think it's the same, my fear is more linked to me doing something bad and being recorded forever, you know? That thought that I am a horrible person and I will do horrible things and everyone will hate me for the rest of my life.
:/
I get that too! I have the same but in a bit of a varied way, e.g. also posting things online and being called out for it. These things. OCD can literally attach itself to anything really, the content of obsessions isn't even that important. Why would you think you are a horrible person?
 
A

Antarctosaurus

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Joined
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Messages
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Brazil
I understand.
Because I think of things that I don't agree with, and those things don't get out of my head, you know. I know this is only in the ideas, but it frustrates me. I don't want to be like that. I can't say much about it, but I think you can understand
 
dontknowwhattodowithoutyou

dontknowwhattodowithoutyou

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I do understand. You're not alone :) OCD always attaches itself to what we are scared of the most and what we despise.
 
L

Lightanddark

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Joined
Mar 21, 2017
Messages
1,401
Yes, I know it is irrational and exaggerated.
I don't think it's the same, my fear is more linked to me doing something bad and being recorded forever, you know? That thought that I am a horrible person and I will do horrible things and everyone will hate me for the rest of my life.
:/
It’s the same for me I hate myself
 
L

Lightanddark

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 21, 2017
Messages
1,401
Lightanddark, are you just afraid of voice calls or the camera too?
I'm just a little afraid of voice calling, but camera calling (or taking pictures) is impossible for me at the moment.
Phone calls
 
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