H
happyhappy
Well-known member
Founding Member
I got a call today from the company who deals with my work's occupational health. I haven't even been told I am being referred! However, I made an appt for the 5th of August for a telephone consultation. Should it get to the 5th and I still haven't seen a copy of my works report, I am going to refuse to go through with the interview as I am not answering anything that I haven't had prior written notice of.
My problem is this. I started to get ill a while back, paranoia. people spying on me. My pdoc said my med wasn't working effectively and was going to change me but I wouldn't let him at that time. Then I decided to go my own way. Part of that is because I was paranoid the drugs were poisoning me but part of it is cos I am a pig headed bampot! I stopped my meds and started to rapidly cycle between thinking there were angels and demons inside me, to wanting to kill myself and my children (I know how evil that sounds....that is why I got myself hospitalised) I don't know whether to tell them this. If I don't, they may seek info from my pdoc who might tell them. I can't ask him beforehand as he is on annual leave.
My main concern is that occ health will think I brought it all on myself. Which to a large degree is true, but I don't think I would have stopped my meds if I had been completely well.
My other problem is my manager does not know I have bi polar. her husband had it I think and he comitted suicide so I have always tried to protect her from knowing about me, as I think I will just be a painful reminder. I think I am as it is and all she knows is that I have 'a significant depressive illness'. It sounds silly I know, but I worry that if she knows, she will treat me in a more negative way as she will want rid of me. I suspect she does as it is. The previous occ health company was happy to leave it as 'significant depressive illness' but I don't know that the new company will. Yet, I think maybe the time has come to stop hiding behind a vague title and let her know just what is wrong with me?????
Also, my manger will no doubt say that she has put into place all reasonable adjustments as it is. She has reduced my hours, stopped me working a late followed by an early shift and worked my hours around therapy. The only other adjustment I can think of is for to accept that I may well at times be off ill as such is the nature of my illness. Does that sound reasonable?
They have already been advised by the previous occ health company that my illness should be considered under the disability discrimnation act. I know you can still be fired though if you are not living up to the job. I am however, good at my job when I am well. I also work for a local government dept, so it is actually quite hard to fire me!
The other thing I am wondering is this. I have always protected my senior colleagues when I have been at these appts before. I have not let on that I have not been receiving regualr supervision and that I find the culture of management-plebs quite stressful, depending on who I am on shift with. I don't think I should do that this time. I returned in March and have not had supervision once, even though I should receive it every six weeks. problem being, my supervisor I would also consider to be a pal and I don't want to get her into bother. I do however think that lack of supervision has contributed to my stress at work and possibly to my mental health. I also think the negativity in my workplace contributes to my poor mental health.
One last thing. In my work, I deal with some people who demonstrate challenging behaviours. The behaviours that I find particularly challenging since being ill are aggression and noise. I feel since first becoming ill, I am particularly sensitised to aggression and it fills me with absolute fear. When we have an aggressive client in, I feel positively ill. Noise....again, since becoming ill, I find noise pollution a real problem. It is like I have too much mental noise going on and the physical noise overloads me. Again, it makes me feel positively ill. If I admit to this, then I am admitting that I can't do my job completely and a re deployment may be suggested which would no doubt involve a serious drop in pay.
What do people think about the points I have made and is there anything else people think is important to point out?
Sorry it is so long but I am stressing out big time and I am going on holiday tomorrow and I want to de escalate before I go!
Happyhappy
My problem is this. I started to get ill a while back, paranoia. people spying on me. My pdoc said my med wasn't working effectively and was going to change me but I wouldn't let him at that time. Then I decided to go my own way. Part of that is because I was paranoid the drugs were poisoning me but part of it is cos I am a pig headed bampot! I stopped my meds and started to rapidly cycle between thinking there were angels and demons inside me, to wanting to kill myself and my children (I know how evil that sounds....that is why I got myself hospitalised) I don't know whether to tell them this. If I don't, they may seek info from my pdoc who might tell them. I can't ask him beforehand as he is on annual leave.
My main concern is that occ health will think I brought it all on myself. Which to a large degree is true, but I don't think I would have stopped my meds if I had been completely well.
My other problem is my manager does not know I have bi polar. her husband had it I think and he comitted suicide so I have always tried to protect her from knowing about me, as I think I will just be a painful reminder. I think I am as it is and all she knows is that I have 'a significant depressive illness'. It sounds silly I know, but I worry that if she knows, she will treat me in a more negative way as she will want rid of me. I suspect she does as it is. The previous occ health company was happy to leave it as 'significant depressive illness' but I don't know that the new company will. Yet, I think maybe the time has come to stop hiding behind a vague title and let her know just what is wrong with me?????
Also, my manger will no doubt say that she has put into place all reasonable adjustments as it is. She has reduced my hours, stopped me working a late followed by an early shift and worked my hours around therapy. The only other adjustment I can think of is for to accept that I may well at times be off ill as such is the nature of my illness. Does that sound reasonable?
They have already been advised by the previous occ health company that my illness should be considered under the disability discrimnation act. I know you can still be fired though if you are not living up to the job. I am however, good at my job when I am well. I also work for a local government dept, so it is actually quite hard to fire me!
The other thing I am wondering is this. I have always protected my senior colleagues when I have been at these appts before. I have not let on that I have not been receiving regualr supervision and that I find the culture of management-plebs quite stressful, depending on who I am on shift with. I don't think I should do that this time. I returned in March and have not had supervision once, even though I should receive it every six weeks. problem being, my supervisor I would also consider to be a pal and I don't want to get her into bother. I do however think that lack of supervision has contributed to my stress at work and possibly to my mental health. I also think the negativity in my workplace contributes to my poor mental health.
One last thing. In my work, I deal with some people who demonstrate challenging behaviours. The behaviours that I find particularly challenging since being ill are aggression and noise. I feel since first becoming ill, I am particularly sensitised to aggression and it fills me with absolute fear. When we have an aggressive client in, I feel positively ill. Noise....again, since becoming ill, I find noise pollution a real problem. It is like I have too much mental noise going on and the physical noise overloads me. Again, it makes me feel positively ill. If I admit to this, then I am admitting that I can't do my job completely and a re deployment may be suggested which would no doubt involve a serious drop in pay.
What do people think about the points I have made and is there anything else people think is important to point out?
Sorry it is so long but I am stressing out big time and I am going on holiday tomorrow and I want to de escalate before I go!
Happyhappy