Obsessive, unwanted, intrusive and irrational thoughts!!

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Flutterfairy95

New member
Joined
Jun 16, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Liverpool
#1
I have my own personal experience of OCD where I have these phases/episodes of having obsessive, unwanted, intrusive, irrational thoughts. I will have insight in the end and realize how irrational and delusional I was to have these thoughts and actions upon them, as I am extremely, seriously, incredibly ashamed and embarrassed about all the times I've voiced these thoughts to people, mostly my mum, acting in such an irrational, delusional, crazy way, but then I still keep on relapsing and repeating myself. Literally nothing has made me feel more ashamed and embarrassed of myself, wanting to just simply die of shame and embarrassment. They just seem out of my control, like some crazy person has possessed me and my mind, and I will have times where I feel all agitated, just dying to say voice these certain thoughts and feelings which is stupid ofcourse, incredibly stupid, 'cause when I do I end up embarrassing myself greatly, feeling deep shame, as ofcourse, there irrational and delusional.

I hate as well how these thoughts have clouded up the actual positive thoughts and feelings in my life that I should be having, ruining them with these crazy actions/reactions I'll have upon them; it makes me so mad at myself, as it's a time when I only have reason to feel positive and happy about this certain thing, not turning it into something negative, which is so irrational and delusional as well!

I have times also where I've had certain opinions that while I've been in good reason to have those opinions, I have had too extreme reactions to them, which again is part of me obsessively thinking about them to the point of feeling and reacting unnecessarily extreme on those emotions. I hate it so much as I don't want to seem like an anger-filled or hate-filled type of person, it's just these obsessive, intrusive, unwanted thoughts that plague into my head like crazy. I'd give anything to wipe my mum's memory clean of these times I've voiced my irrational, unwanted, obsessive thoughts, acting in such an irrational, delusional, CRAZY manner, but most of all, I'd give anything, wish more than anything to be cured of this for good, to never have any of these irrational thoughts/episodes ever again. Fortunately I've began taking the right steps, enquiring in a doctors appointment, and hope that things will take a positive turn from there.
 
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Trekster33

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 15, 2019
Messages
131
Location
South West UK
#2
Hi and I'm really hoping that you can find a way forward to help you deal with these thoughts.

I have difficulties shaking the feelings that people don't like me or want me around.

I've also reacted extremely to things because I've felt like people don't believe me and I'm not being heard or understood. Part of the problem is I either over share my stuff or don't share enough.

Depression can look like anger too those that don't recognise angry depression.

I'm finding that sharing these concerns with professionals and to an extent other people like this forum to be beneficial.

Sometimes I share stuff, then it gives me the motivation to do something about what I'm going through.

I'm hoping you get some answers and control over your mind soon.

I've tried logical reasoning to try and work out why I'm thinking or feeling and therefore behaving in certain ways.

I've recently approached a wellbeing cafe and I'm hoping they can support me.