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obsessive thoughts

Z

Zoe1

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I'm on medication for psychosis , not sure I hear voices
I dont actually ' hear ' them
but my thoughts can get very irrational and very powerful
telling me I want to die, that I am responsible for my mothers death
that I dont care about people and stuff
drinking so much water, I'm constantly excusing myself
this evening I think there is something wrong with my kidneys
and I'm all alone with nobody to talk to
the mental health line is always engaged
and they wont chat to you unless you are in a crisis
things can really build up

x x x
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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That's how I hear voices when on medication, not in my ears like someone is in the room with me but as thoughts in my mind that are not my own.

I keep my mind blank at all times so any words that are spoken in my mind belong to my voice, he sounds a lot like me but there is a slight difference after three years of hearing him.

All the thoughts you describe are very typical of a voice that is pissed off that you're taking medication, they don't like medication to say the least so will try and unsettle you in any way they can and be generally negative.

As far as the water goes it's a possible side effect of taking anti-psychotics, I just went for a check-up at the clinic as part of my treatment with the early intervention team I'm under and they ask a lot of questions and one of them is do I drink a lot more than usual.

I go to the clinic every few months to have my blood work done, have and ECG, blood pressure taken and weight recorded as well as answer a ton of questions regarding side effects.

If you're worried about your kidney function and don't have a mental health team looking after you like mine does I'd see your GP about it.
 
Shadow-one

Shadow-one

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Hi Zoe

I'm so sorry to hear how distressed you're feeling.... But I do understand..

I 'think' I may suffer the same way with the exception that the voice I hear that constantly narrates my life is my own.... But yet.... somehow 'isnt' me..

So I go through every day with this voice telling me how useless I am, a worthless person, bad mother, terrible wife etc... And although I do know it's me - it's like another me exists that tells me how bad I am.

I hope I'm making sense to you because it's difficult to explain properly. It's impossible to turn it off, impossible to live with, yet no choice.

My therapist says it's just my own negativity coming through and lack of self worth but it feels so much more than that....

I do have a brilliant crisis team number however and they are always available of which I'm extremely glad hearing your experience. It's a real shame you don't have the same.

Do you see a therapist or Psychiatrist or anyone at all that can help you deal with things?

I really hope you're not alone completely tonight - but if you are physically, you're not here and I hope that you can feel a little better just knowing that...

:hug:
 
Z

Zoe1

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thanks NWiddi

hey so that is why you have that picture !
thats really helpful, its a voice that sounds like me
but is not me , I had not thought of it like that

the medication turns the volume down I think
while some remains

the team keep asking me to attend for tests
I have been too tired to get round to it
maybe my OT can book the appointment

x x x
 
Z

Zoe1

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Shadow-one

so is that voice your shadow ? thats brilliant !

" telling me how useless I am, a worthless person, bad mother, terrible wife etc... And although I do know it's me - it's like another me exists that tells me how bad I am. "

thats exactly it ! I'm unemployed , I have no children, I take ages in the morning
the list goes on ! there is a crisis team
but they are monstrously overloaded, so its hard to get through to them
even in an emergency

yes I have a psychiatrist that I dont trust
and a therapist I'm paying privately once a month
who I do trust but I cant afford to go more often

I am alone every night, I had a phone call with my step mother earlier
and during the day I go out and chat to people

it makes a big difference that you are there !

x x x
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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As strange as it may sound, I think if it were me, I would just tell it to be quiet, and behave, and turn your mind/focus onto something else. After all at the end of the day you do own this voice, and if it's reminded of such, it should do as it is told...
 
Z

Zoe1

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thankyou , yes I do quite a lot of focusing on something else
I was doing really well with that
and then some things happened in my family
that were triggering I think
and I started having problems with my anger
which leads to me turning into this ' shadow self ' I think
that people have spoken of ( really interesting points they made )

and then my mental health needs attending to
well Im quite new here
but maybe this is a good place to attend to it

I had not thought of speaking back to the voice
I will give it a go !

x x x
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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If it were me, I would take control of it, and politely command it to be quiet...
 
Z

Zoe1

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I just gave it a go actually
interesting ...
I wonder if it will work when I'm really angry
thankyou I'm going to work on this !
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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You are welcome. Assuming this voice is a passenger, it is just a passenger, a guest, and should behave accordingly ;) It shouldn't matter if you are angry, unless there is some kind of parallel in the ways of thinking (just a theory). Either way, if it's a guest, it should show respect, and do as asked (again a theory) :)
 
Z

Zoe1

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I definitely feel a bit lighter
I think the test will be when I next get triggered
usually by my family
but can also be when strangers are rude to you, you know,
sometimes an unpleasant incident can be triggering

and then my other self will rear its head


:grouphug::grouphug:
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Perhaps managing the situation (removing yourself early), will help regarding the anger :hug:
 
Z

Zoe1

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n yeah I'm not very good at that
I think I go into shock and get rooted to the spot
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Pre-empt is to take control, it's a bit like a anti-virus program (every process has to run through it). It's a different mind process, think ahead of previous situations and think what could have been done differently. Two or more heads are better than one in number crunching these scenarios, so ask the forum for opinions, and chose which ones fit the best. As the answers come in you may well come up with a better answer yourself :)
 
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