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Obsessive thinking of people who have died by suicide

R

Rh2832

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My depression has been under control for a while now and I have been feeling good and positive and enjoying life. For this I am very grateful. However, I have a problem in that hearing of suicides - particularly those where it is someone of a similar demographic to me with maybe similar interests or whatever, I get obsessed and just can’t stop thinking about them. I think about how they did it, I look at photos of them, I read what their loved ones have written about them. One of these for example was Caroline Flack earlier this year, I was not a big fan, didn’t know much about her at all until she died. More recently, a friend of someone I went to school with, but wasn’t really close with, who was my age, had similar interests but to me had a ‘better’ life than me ( I know this is wrong, and mental illness can happen to anyone)

I just can’t stop thinking of her and why she did it and how she was feeling. Looking at her photos which all she looks happy and that she has an amazing life and lots of friends. Wondering about her final moments. I feel like I am going crazy and cannot focus or think of anything else. And I don’t know how to stop. I have tried deleting social mediaapps so I can’t look but I just redownload them. Why is this happening and how can I ensure it doesn’t happen every time a woman around my age dies by suicide? I’m scared that thinking of it so much will make me feel suicidal again myself.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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It's about shame for her I think. Poor lady.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Knowing they died feels validating and sad too. Final and a waste of life. Do you feel that way?
 
R

Rh2832

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Knowing they died feels validating and sad too. Final and a waste of life. Do you feel that way?
I don’t know what you mean by validating? I feel sad for her, I cried on my way home from work last night. But I mean I don’t even know her, or her family or even the person I know her through very well. But I have spent so much time on their social media’s and i feel like a bit of a freak for it - like I’m stalking a dead girl? Isn’t that weird? I just want to stop thinking about it so much
 
Tawny

Tawny

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I don’t know what you mean by validating? I feel sad for her, I cried on my way home from work last night. But I mean I don’t even know her, or her family or even the person I know her through very well. But I have spent so much time on their social media’s and i feel like a bit of a freak for it - like I’m stalking a dead girl? Isn’t that weird? I just want to stop thinking about it so much
I googled her. Wanted to know a bit more. This was over a few days. Then I stopped. There may be a documentary one day like with others.

it is understandable we are affected.
try not to search now though
focus on life as much as possible as too much looking is too risky
keep living until the end
they should have been kept safe and helped
they were failed

validating as in reminds me how unwell I am sometimes
serious illness
Real!
 
R

Rh2832

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I googled her. Wanted to know a bit more. This was over a few days. Then I stopped. There may be a documentary one day like with others.

it is understandable we are affected.
try not to search now though
focus on life as much as possible as too much looking is too risky
keep living until the end
they should have been kept safe and helped
they were failed

validating as in reminds me how unwell I am sometimes
serious illness
Real!
thank you. I hope you are doing ok
 
X

xyu

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I know what you mean.

One thing I like to remind myself is that no matter how bad my situation is, I’m not trapped in it. There is always another option, and if it comes to the worst, that option is doing yourself in. For someone whose existence is unbearable, at least they can do something about it and escape from the pain.
 
X

xyu

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Maybe you could try leaving yourself written notes reminding yourself not to read about it, and post some up on the wall / doors. Don’t know if it would help, but just a thought.
 
A

Am33

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I know what you mean.

One thing I like to remind myself is that no matter how bad my situation is, I’m not trapped in it. There is always another option, and if it comes to the worst, that option is doing yourself in. For someone whose existence is unbearable, at least they can do something about it and escape from the pain.
All the people who had NDE from suicide all said they didn't escape their pain and they lived to tell us that.
 
jajingna

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I'm not sure about obsessing over it but of course it is devastating. I think of Robin Williams who had dementia, actually saw two documentaries about him. People who did not ever even meet him were torn up.
 
G

Gomezaddams51

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I have often felt like killing myself but years ago I watched a documentary about people who died (or killed themselves) and came back. According to those who tried to kill themselves, they went to a dark, terrible place before they came back. Is it true? Damned if I know, but I never wanted to find out. I would rather face the shitty world I know than take a chance that I would end up somewhere even worse. I am not real religious but still, is it worth taking the chance?
 
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Purpleplum

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I think you're obsessed because the person that died was feeling like you were. It's how people stop and look at a car accident. It's inate for us to want to see how things turned out for others so that we don't make the same mistake. Since you know you came close to what those people who killed themself did, you want to see what the end result would have looked like, what ways you can protect yourself from it.
 
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