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Obsessions over personality traits. PLEASE HELP

  • Thread starter Carolmicheals73727
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Carolmicheals73727

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I’m sure we’ve all done questionable things but sometimes I feel like I’m the only person who has to psychoanalyze every single little thing that I do or have done. I have so many different types and subtypes of ocd. I’m now thinking back on things that I’ve done in the past and analyzing them. I need serious help. I am so afraid of the answers to these inquiries as they could tell me that I’m this crazy psychotic person who hurts other people on purpose. I hate this feeling. It makes me sick to my core. I have talked about my contamination ocd before, I have also talked about intrusive thoughts and dreams. This is a bit different but it could be another type of ocd. I really need help. Please read.





When I was 15 or 16 or so, I remember babysitting a neighbors child. At some point he showed me he could fit in this little chest meant for books or something. For some reason I thought it would be ok to lock the door so he couldn’t get out for like a minute. It was almost as if I wanted to see him get upset so I could comfort him or something???? I have no idea. I’m not sure how upset he was but I know he was. It makes me want to be sick thinking about it. I think I thought I was playing but it was also nice to know that he would need comforting for a little after that. I don’t know. I think at the time it was almost as if I wanted to get him to like me as a person or something?? What if it was something deep down like I wanted to see him upset and be the one to sweep in and save the day? But I didn’t realize that that was literally psychotic. I need answers. I need to know if I’m some horrible person that ruins other people.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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Ease down dear. I feel there is a sense of OCD in that you feel you cannot make mistakes.

Children are tough old animals and that incident is harmless. You know, if you made a big fuss about it the child would have made a fuss too.
 
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Carolmicheals73727

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Ease down dear. I feel there is a sense of OCD in that you feel you cannot make mistakes.

Children are tough old animals and that incident is harmless. You know, if you made a big fuss about it the child would have made a fuss too.
oh god thank you. I saw the notification appear and I could hear my heart beating and tears started rolling down my face out of fear that I was going to be told I was a horrible, disgusting person. I opened it and saw your message and just felt like I was able to breathe again or something. I don’t know if I’m over psychoanalyzing every single thing but in the past couple years I’ve thought about that experience and just knew it wasn’t normal. I’m sure he didn’t even think twice about it but to me it wasn’t all about him, I was/am just questioning who I am as a person. I know I’d never psychically hurt anyone or anything and like doing it but I guess it dawned on me awhile back that you can hurt people on purpose in different ways.
 
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Carolmicheals73727

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oh god thank you. I saw the notification appear and I could hear my heart beating and tears started rolling down my face out of fear that I was going to be told I was a horrible, disgusting person. I opened it and saw your message and just felt like I was able to breathe again or something. I don’t know if I’m over psychoanalyzing every single thing but in the past couple years I’ve thought about that experience and just knew it wasn’t normal. I’m sure he didn’t even think twice about it but to me it wasn’t all about him, I was/am just questioning who I am as a person. I know I’d never psychically hurt anyone or anything and like doing it but I guess it dawned on me awhile back that you can hurt people on purpose in different ways.
The problem for me is though, it wasn’t a mistake, I knew exactly what I was doing
 
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Carolmicheals73727

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We all have a dark side dear. Perhaps at the time, you thought it was playful and now when you look back it feels darker.
You’re right. Thank you so so much. With just a few words you have helped me so much.
 
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Carolmicheals73727

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I’ve also struggled lately and today with feeling like I’m not being completely 100% honest when I am asking someone for reassurance or answers. Whether it be contamination ocd or this type of stuff, i feel like I need to tell you all or who ever every single possible feeling or scenario in my head or of that day or else everything you say to me could be based off of “not the the full story”. I know this is ridiculous but at the same time it seems like a legitimate concern for me. What if I’m leaving something out? Ughhhhhhhg
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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The world is not ready for 100% honesty all of the time. Perhaps some day in the future, but not yet. As it is, it is perfectly fine to relax and speak your mind. You do not have a script, there is no right or wrong way to speak, just relax and let it flow.
 
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Carolmicheals73727

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The world is not ready for 100% honesty all of the time. Perhaps some day in the future, but not yet. As it is, it is perfectly fine to relax and speak your mind. You do not have a script, there is no right or wrong way to speak, just relax and let it flow.
But my fear is that I will leave something out or misspeak in a way that invalidates every response...
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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But my fear is that I will leave something out or misspeak in a way that invalidates every response...
NO. it is not the content that matters so much as to the feeling. After all language was originally a way of expressing our feelings. The feelings were here before the words my love.
 
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Carolmicheals73727

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NO. it is not the content that matters so much as to the feeling. After all language was originally a way of expressing our feelings. The feelings were here before the words my love.
I want so badly to just agree with that but my brains response to your sentiment is “what if my feelings were wrong?” I don’t know. Tired of living inside of my head. :/
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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I want so badly to just agree with that but my brains response to your sentiment is “what if my feelings were wrong?” I don’t know. Tired of living inside of my head. :/
Your feelings are valid. The optimum is a feeling of being at peace - no need to speak.
 
Tawny

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I promise you are normal. If you are weird then i am weird too :)

Life is about learning and when you start out, you do lots of things that you would not do when you are older.

Life is about being very kind to yourself. The way we think and feel is part us, growing, and part our upbringing. If our upbringing was not perfect, then we will not be perfect either..

So many people have done so many things wrong, but many have the confidence to accept their faults and mistakes. I didn't have that confidence, not sure if i even have it yet but it is improving.

What are some of the nice things you do in your life? Do you take special care of grandparents? Animals? I have not treated animals perfectly in the past and it kills me because now, they are treated better than me!
 
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toto

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Because the idea that you might be a crazy psychopath terrifies you, it means you're not. There are two possibilities
1. Someone around you has fun hurting people, and that person plays a role in your upbringing. It is an attempt to criticize him, but pushed aside.
2. You may think that there are people who would hurt this child.
3. Why do you compare yourself to a psychopath? Big mistake. I used to do it because my hormones played more in puberty. Now I know that increased sexual desire is not psychopathy.
 
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