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Obsessed with weight loss and calorie counting

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strawberry95

New member
Joined
Dec 17, 2014
Messages
1
For about 6 years now i have been suffering terribly with eating problems. When i was 14 i was chubby and decided i wanted to lose weight. So at first i went on a healthy diet, i started losing weight but once i got to a healthy weight, i just wanted to lose more, so i restricted my calorie intake dramatically. I also started purging anything i did eat. That all had to stop when i collapsed at work and also had severe heart palpitations and collapsed at a carnival. i was told i had to start eating normally which i did for a while. unfortunately for me i put on some weight over the next 2 years. i was distraught and felt fat and disgusting so i began the vicious cycle again. for the last 2 years i have been taking laxatives daily. i started just 2 a day but now for the past 9 months i've had a large amount every day. i take a weight loss tablet 3 times a day and have ordered a different type of diet pills. i purge 3-5 times a day and live on minimal amounts. i have been looking into things to help me purge. all i think about is different ways to lose weight. i have visited pro-ana and mia sites for tips and tricks which has helped. i am a healthy weight at the moment but still not happy, when i told my doctor about all of this he was more concerned about my depression and other mental health problems. i was in hospital for 3 months following a few suicide attempts. I refused to eat or drink anything for 4 weeks causing frequent collapsing. i had a complete meltdown when i learnt my laxatives had been taken away. i am completely hooked. i try to exercise as much as i can but work 2 very active full time jobs. i cant sleep anymore because im so paranoid about gaining weight and what people will think of me. who do i go to for help that wont tell me off or make fun of me like they did in hospital.
 
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Helena1

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
Joined
Oct 11, 2014
Messages
10,575
Location
UK
i would see a different gp and see if they take you more seriously. i think a lot of the change has to come from yourself as no one can force you to get better. you seem like you know it is not right what you are doing which is half the battle.
 
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hamlet_cat

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 14, 2013
Messages
50
People who are susceptible to eating disorders feel unloved, so food becomes a compensation for the lack of love. Probably because eating triggers endomorphins which are the same type of chemicals that cause feelings of love. the feeling of being "unloved" usually comes from childhood but it can also come from the loss of a significant love relationship. Here is the challenging part which is what you are experiencing I think. I used to have an obsession with calorie counting, weight loss, food etc. but I have stopped all of that because I have shifted the focus from "myself" to "others." Meaning that I now focus mainly on other people and what their lives are about instead of my own. I had to develop new friendships though in order to do this because my core family and friends, didn't really do much to compensate for the fact that I didn't feel loved. the people I have in my life now make me feel loved, so when I focus on them, I get enough love back that I don't need to do things to try to raise my own self esteem or compensate for the fact that I feel unloved. (ie. trying to be perfect or eating food to feel good). If you can develop some relationships with people who are more loving, and like you for who you are, then I think that you will stop focusing so much on trying to "fix" yourself. Then you wouldn't worry about your weight and the food that you are eating or not eating. Does that make sense? Anyways, I hope this helps in some way. This is how I managed to recover. I can never make myself feel loved because my feelings of being unloved developed in childhood. The only thing I could do was find the right people who could make me feel loved the way I am. Now these are the people who I spend my time with.
 
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