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Obsessed with an actor. Become extremely depressed

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Orangeade

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I used to be a bit like this. From age 12 onwards. Ironically, it was also Grease that I was obsessed with (just Olivia Newton-John though). After her, it was Winona Ryder when I was 13. Then Julia Roberts when I was 14. Then Michelle Pfeiffer and Jodie Foster when I was 15. Then...I can't even remember, but I know Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn were in there somewhere. After my teens, my interest switched to singers. Again, always women. At 18 I got together with my best friend and realised I was gay (and now, many years later, I've realised I'm bi).

While I was obsessed, I would read every single thing I could about them, watch all their movies, and literally cry myself to sleep because I loved them SO MUCH.

But, for me...3 things that differ from your situation...

1. I would get bored of one obsession after a few months or occasionally even a few years and then move on to someone else. I never lost interest on purpose and I could never control with whom or when I'd develop a new obsession,

2. My obsessions brought me enjoyment and pleasure. I would feel more alive and happy (even with the crying thing), and when the obsessions would fade, I'd feel sad, depressed and bored, and

3. I have BPD also and I now, in hindsight, view my celebrity obsessions as a more passive / distant version of what is now termed as having a "Favourite Person". It's similar to the obsessions I've felt before, but the feelings are directed at real people in my life.
Thank you for making me feel not alone in this. Im obsessed, but i feel depressed when i look at their stuff its so weird. Im just hoping this will fade for me
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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I am at my wits end, i just want it to stop. I got some emergency diazepam, but im scared to take it. U have to have a full stomach and im so anxious all the time. I just tried to eat 2 bananas and i threw them up just now. I just want to be put away and out of my misery

If you are seriously in a panic attack state, you can have Diazepam on an empty stomach and still be safe. Just as long as the dose is not too high.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Thank you for making me feel not alone in this. Im obsessed, but i feel depressed when i look at their stuff its so weird. Im just hoping this will fade for me

Is it a restless kind of lonely and hopeless kind of depression? Like you just NEED to be with this person and yet you know you can't be? That's sometimes how I would feel too, back when I was much younger.
 
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Orangeade

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If you are seriously in a panic attack state, you can have Diazepam on an empty stomach and still be safe. Just as long as the dose is not too high.
Thank you! Ive taken it for the second time in two days. I dont know if its working for me but i like talking to people on here it helps me. Im just hoping i dont obsessed with this website now
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Thank you! Ive taken it for the second time in two days. I dont know if its working for me but i like talking to people on here it helps me. Im just hoping i dont obsessed with this website now

You may. I think the first step is being aware if you do feel those obsessive feelings, and then trying to logic-ify your feelings. Like...

WHAT are you actually obsessed with?

WHY?

HOW does it make you feel right in the very beginning? Good? Exciting?

WHEN does it change to a negative feeling?
 
O

Orangeade

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Is it a restless kind of lonely and hopeless kind of depression? Like you just NEED to be with this person and yet you know you can't be? That's sometimes how I would feel too, back when I was much younger.
Thats exactly how i feel. Like my life would be so much better if they was in it and because they arent then whats the point
 
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Orangeade

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You may. I think the first step is being aware if you do feel those obsessive feelings, and then trying to logic-ify your feelings. Like...

WHAT are you actually obsessed with?

WHY?

HOW does it make you feel right in the very beginning? Good? Exciting?

WHEN does it change to a negative feeling?
The logical part of my brain knows theres nothing to be obsessed about but its like i NEED to be. I dont know how to explain it
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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The logical part of my brain knows theres nothing to be obsessed about but its like i NEED to be. I dont know how to explain it

Well, when I'm NOT obsessed, I feel really empty. Bored with life. And depressed. So I too need to have some kind of obsession to feel more alive. Even if it torments me too. That's the word for it. Tormented
 
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Orangeade

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Well, when I'm NOT obsessed, I feel really empty. Bored with life. And depressed. So I too need to have some kind of obsession to feel more alive. Even if it torments me too. That's the word for it. Tormented
EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. Im so glad someone understands
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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EXACTLY HOW I FEEL. Im so glad someone understands

I'm so glad I could help, even if only a bit!

I notice these days, my celebrity obsessions are infrequent. My last active and intense one was Lady Gaga (who I still ADORE) and that started during a very hard time in my life when a previous Favourite Person had left. Once I found my current Favourite Person, my fixation on Gaga reduced and settled into a more normal "love" (for someone I don't know, but you know what I mean) rather than intense obsession.

Because since then (over 2 years), my obsession has been with my FP. And it is mostly a great friendship, but...sometimes it literally drives me insane. I want her to be my absolute BESTEST best friend EVER, with no one else, and to be her top priority. Now, I know that's not going to happen and mostly I'm fine with that. But if she's extra busy or not around much, I tend to get VERY unhappy. Bored. Restless. Impatient. I want attention from her. I need her reassurance. I feel like there's no point in doing anything. I get angry at her and even feel hatred toward her (not really, but it feels like it at the time).

Almost all my FPs have ended up being long term romantic partners, which kind of partially fixes the above issues, as they feel very intensely for me too, BUT it still doesn't stabilise me. I can still get really insecure, feel neglected, and have that horrible restlessness that leads to agitated depression.

To me, I think my celebrity obsessions were sort of passive / safer versions of my FP relationships. When the person you're obsessed with is actually in your life and you have a real, genuine relationship / friendship with them, it's very rewarding but also VERY unstabilising in terms of the degree of obsession.
 
O

Orangeade

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I'm so glad I could help, even if only a bit!

I notice these days, my celebrity obsessions are infrequent. My last active and intense one was Lady Gaga (who I still ADORE) and that started during a very hard time in my life when a previous Favourite Person had left. Once I found my current Favourite Person, my fixation on Gaga reduced and settled into a more normal "love" (for someone I don't know, but you know what I mean) rather than intense obsession.

Because since then (over 2 years), my obsession has been with my FP. And it is mostly a great friendship, but...sometimes it literally drives me insane. I want her to be my absolute BESTEST best friend EVER, with no one else, and to be her top priority. Now, I know that's not going to happen and mostly I'm fine with that. But if she's extra busy or not around much, I tend to get VERY unhappy. Bored. Restless. Impatient. I want attention from her. I need her reassurance. I feel like there's no point in doing anything. I get angry at her and even feel hatred toward her (not really, but it feels like it at the time).

Almost all my FPs have ended up being long term romantic partners, which kind of partially fixes the above issues, as they feel very intensely for me too, BUT it still doesn't stabilise me. I can still get really insecure, feel neglected, and have that horrible restlessness that leads to agitated depression.

To me, I think my celebrity obsessions were sort of passive / safer versions of my FP relationships. When the person you're obsessed with is actually in your life and you have a real, genuine relationship / friendship with them, it's very rewarding but also VERY unstabilising in terms of the degree of obsession.
Ive never thought about it like that. Most people mean well but they just send wiki how links of how to stop and they get frustrated when i dont seem to be able to do it. Rn it seems bleak and i dont feel i can get out of this current obsession. I have had current obsessions before, and moved on but nothing like this. I just feel this person would make my life complete and real life people in my life cant. Its just so hard. Im thanking you for speaking with me
 
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