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Numb Emotions and Not Feeling Love Because of Depression

P

pixi

Member
Joined
Feb 12, 2021
Messages
7
Location
United Kingdom
My partner of almost a year and a half has told me that in the last couple of weeks he's sometimes felt like he's "drained" of his love for me (and love/enjoyment of other things too, sometimes just for me, sometimes just for other things). He described it like the garden hose being on full blast but somebody's stood on it not letting the water (love) get through. It's still there but he can't feel it. And then it'll suddenly come back and he'll be like "oh my god, that was horrible". He said he's also felt like he wants to just be on his own.

He told me that this feeling has happened in every relationship he's been in. He can feel totally fine and be completely happy and in love, and then suddenly feel nothing and empty. He's broken up with girls he's really loved because of it and been so sad and hurt afterwards. He says he feels more ups than downs and it might not happen that often at all (this is the first time in a year and a half) and he doesn't want to break up because he knows he'll feel fine more often than not.

He came into the room and said "I think all of this is depression" and then he broke down and really cried. He was sobbing saying he doesn't want to feel this way and he loves me so much, I'm the best girlfriend he's ever had, apologising to me for hurting me.. I've seen him cry but never like this. I just held him and soothed him.

He says he's had depression since he was a kid, even before he was a teen, and he has just always felt depressed.

I've been doing lots of research and it seems like a side effect of depression, stress, and anxiety is having your feelings numbed and like you don't love anyone or anything. I sent him the articles I found on emotional numbing and depression and he was dumbstruck. He thought he was broken and was just incapable of being in relationships, he didn't realise as well that his anger is a symptom, which I think is common in men. He feels like the mental health induced numbness explains everything and he's been doing lots of research since and seems to really resonate with the symptoms of having Depersonalization disorder as well as depression.

I just want some support from people who understand this, what can I do to help him? I love him so much and our relationship is great, we're best friends and both feel as though we're practically family. Even though we don't believe in marriage he says I feel like his wife. We're incredibly close.

These last few days he's been really working on loving himself, he's been exercising again for the first time in over a year, he's wearing his nice clothes (for weeks he's just been in hoodies and joggers), but more importantly he's being gentle with himself.

The other side of the coin of this is obviously it's rattled me somewhat too; I couldn't eat properly for days because I felt like he was falling out of love with me and I was going to lose him and I felt so confused. I still feel a bit shaken up and hurt, if I'm being honest. This is really hard.

Sending lots of love to those who are depressed and partners of the depressed xx
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,146
Location
Southern USA
Good Morning!
I'm sorry you and your partner are having worry but it's great he (or both) came to realize he is depressed.
First steps.
Welcome here and best luck!
 
P

pixi

Member
Joined
Feb 12, 2021
Messages
7
Location
United Kingdom
Good Morning!
I'm sorry you and your partner are having worry but it's great he (or both) came to realize he is depressed.
First steps.
Welcome here and best luck!
Thank you! He's doing better and I know feels such relief to have answers. For the longest time he thought he was "bad" and just was unable to function in relationships.

I know there will be ups and downs but at least we know what we're dealing with now.
 
Jolly

Jolly

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
1,437
Location
United Kingdom
Baby steps at first. May be visit a doctor or therapist he can talk to. Thinking of you both. X
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
926
pixi, you seem a nice person, keep being supportive and understanding.....i had depression bad myself and having those around you who understand helps
 
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