• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

not too sure what to do.

C

Casper

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2010
Messages
13
Location
Kent
Didn't really know where to put this.

I recently got diagnosed with cyclothymia I've been taking anti-depressants for a while but had a rough time with them and suffered a few rocky patches of horrific side affects and the doctor gave my mum diazepam to give me when i need to be calmed down.
anyway so.....right now I feel rubbish. I have been asked to work tomorrow but I don't want to go out. I'm on a waiting list for cbt and talking therapy. At my appointment today they said they didn't want to make me go to loads of therapy and stuff because they didn't want to put pressure on me because I'm still young (18) and don't want to 'keep dragging me in so intensively' but I've been waiting for appointments for months and it's so unsettling and it's making everything worse. I'm so worried about my exams coming up, I havent done my coursework, I can't really concentrate on anything and my attendance is so bad, I missed so much of the stuff i need and revising is difficult too. I really don't like my doctor, she's so vague so I don't really feel I know what's going on and like I really understand all these things I've been told about. I've also been having more vivid dreams and sort flashes of images in my head throughout the day which i can't explain and they are horrible, I keep seeing myself do things, horrible things. I have had voices for a long time aswell but I try not to tell anyone about them (I've only started bringing it up with the doctor very recently after years of having them) I'm doing my best to control it but it's got the better of my before and I've done things and not realised it for like 10 minutes after, a few months ago I punched my mum because something else took over and I didn't realise till afterwards. I am so scared because they are telling me to do worse things and I'm worried I won't be able to control it anymore. I really don't want to hurt anyone or do anything stupid but I realy don't trust anything. I just want to curl up in a little ball and hide under my covers for a few weeks or something (even though I know 'burying one's head in the sand' doesn't make problems go away....it's just much nicer and safer). I told them how I felt and they said I'd be fine and that I have their number if I need them, but I'm too scared to call them because I think they'll just tell me to calm down and tell me it's ok, but i dont believe them and i don't really trust them anyway. and I don't want to tell my mum because it upsets her because the way i am has really stressed her out recently. I can't tell them exactly what I'm hearing because I'm not allowed to, I told them there were some things I wasn't allowed to tell them. I just don't know what to do now, I've tried to distract myself with origami, reading, music but i can't focus on anything enough, I can't sleep atall either. I just feel so distressed and I don't know what to do. I just want someone to take me away somewhere nice and lovely where it's safe and quite and snuggly.
 
schiz01

schiz01

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2009
Messages
721
Location
Australia
First of all :welcome: Casper
I like your name and can identify with what you wrote and can tell that you are a friendly ghost.
Disturbing thoughts and voices can be very distressing to put it mildly.The mind/brain is a complex thing and can play tricks on us.We all have good and bad inside of us or are at least capable of doing good and bad things.
It is far better to curl up into a ball and shut down rather then act out and end up doing something you will regret.
The way I dealt with and got my voices under control was to acknowledge them ,remind myself that it is only my mind playing tricks on me and then ignore them.I found the more I obsessed and engaged with them the worse they got.I just sort of let it happen like the waves lapping at the beach,I just let them come and go and eventually they went away.That said if I put myself under too much pressure (stress) symptoms can reappear.When this happens i remove myself from the situation and de-stress.
Everyone is different and has there own copping strategies and ways of coping ...you just have to find what works for you.

Medications can also exacerbate symptoms in some people which can be confusing when you are told take this it will make you better.


You may find the links below of use/interest

http://www.jungcircle.com/Schizophrenia.html

http://www.mindfreedom.org/

http://spiritualemergency.blogspot.com/

http://www.rufusmay.com/

That's just a few to get you started...I used to have more but recently updated my computer and lost all my old bookmarks

Hopefully others on the forum will be able to provide you with more information and suggestions.

Wishing you all the best and know that these things can and do get better:)
 
C

Casper

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2010
Messages
13
Location
Kent
thank you!

Hey thanks for your reply.
I'm feeling a little better since my last post.
I had to go into work the next morning and it wasn't so bad but towards the end of my shift I found myself really drained and I had a sort of chattering of my voices throughout the day that got increasingly worse. I got into bed as soon as I got home and watch dvds, havent been able to sleep, I've been having really bad, vivid dreams lately so it's been difficult. I went and spoke to my mum about it this morning and she told me to ring up the community mental health people again and see if i can be fast tracked again. I'm feeling a little more in control today but I'm scared that it's only a matter of time before they get the better of me.
I'm feeling a little better today although I've spent most of my time in bed watching wife swap!! two of my friends came and spent the day with me which was really nice, took my mind off things. Anyway, thank you for the links I'll take a peek at them now.

P.S. Glad you like the name, it's a nickname my friends gave me last summer because I'm really pale and I wouldn't tan!! (and because I'm friendly too!!)
 
schiz01

schiz01

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2009
Messages
721
Location
Australia
Hi Casper
Glad to hear you had a better day...my guess as the day went on so did your stress levels and hence the chatter in your head got worse.

I would call that progress ...even if it is was only one small step....its in the right direction :)
 
C

Casper

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2010
Messages
13
Location
Kent
:) thanks.
I'm feeling much better today. One of my friends really wants me to go to their gig so I think I'm going to give it a go and if I can't handle it my mum can pick me up. I'm not sure what to do still, do you think it's worth ringing the community mental health team I spoke to before. I don't see anyone there I'm just doing cbt and councelling and I have medication from my gp.
Even though I'm feeling quite happy right now I'm still scared, I never know when things will change again.

Thank you for your help and your support :thx: :flowers:
 
schiz01

schiz01

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 16, 2009
Messages
721
Location
Australia
I think its perfectly natural to be scared/apprehensive ect...considering what you are dealing with.I think your very brave and am happy to hear you are going out....I am a worried how you will go with all that noise and people but everyone's different.... and if you think your up for it go for it:)

In regards to the community mental health team
Sounds like your doing pretty good and i would continue what you are doing with your GP.You could use them as extra support if you feel the need but I would leave that as a last resort.

Have fun and hope you have a good night;)
 
C

Casper

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2010
Messages
13
Location
Kent
Thanks :)
My friend (he's more of a big brother) know whats been going on and he's promised to take care of me and has my mums number if anything happens and I need to go home. It's only a small gig so hopefully won't be too loud and busy and alot of my friends will be there. I'm looking forward to it, havent been out in AGES!!!
 
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