• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Not sure where to turn next

I

Isles

New member
Joined
Apr 25, 2018
Messages
1
Hi

I'll try and keep this fairly short, as I'm sure my story mirrors that of many of you on here. Basically, I have experienced varying degress of anxiety and panic attacks for the last fifteen years or so (I'm 35 now). I decided in 2007 to undertake CBT without medication. For the following twelve months things got better for me. However, it was short lived and since then I have had CBT five more times with varying degrees of success, the last being in 2014 which also included medication (I tried four different kinds, non of which had any affect).

In 2010 I met the girl I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. Things were great, and although the anxiety was always present, it was pushed to the back of my mind for the most part. That all changed three years later. I had a panic attack and the anxiety came rushing back. I've never found it easy to talk about my problems, mainly because I don't like relying on people for help or anyone thinking I'm less of a man for being this way. So, my coping strategy became alcohol. Not vast quantites, but amounts moderate enough to allow me function without anxiety and constant panic attacks. The irony being that I hate doing it. I rarely if ever drink unless I have a social situation pending that my crazy mind perceives as a threat. Which, admitedly, is more frequent the older I get and the more life demands from me.

Moving foward to now, my life is a shadow of what it was. I'm living with my elderely parents. My social life is virtually nil and whereas I had once considered having a family and a nice house with my wife to be, I now only consider how I'm going to dig myself out of the huge hole I've dug. You see, my fiance of eight years left last November, calling me weird as she packed up her belongings and left my life forever. I don't blame her. For one, I flitted between jobs for two years because of having constant panic attacks. I never told her how deeply anxiety affected me, mainly out of fear of her leaving me. Guess that doesn't matter now. I always chose and still choose to partake in life rather than avoid. Even if that does involve adopting rather unorthodox coping strategies. I travelled the world with my partner. We experienced so much in our time together, but ultimately, my inability to get over my anxiety, hold down a steady job and provide her with the more fundamental things in life i.e financial stability, caused the relationship to breakdown.

So, here I am. Alone for the first time in almost a decade. And I feel dreaful, even five months on. The only thing I have going for me is that I went back to university last year (two months before breaking up) as a means to attaining a solid qualification, starting my own business and giving my partner and I a great quality of life. But she cast her vote of non-confidence and decided it best that she find someone else. What worries me is that there is a long road ahead of me, and it's now a journey that I'm walking alone. Well, apart from the huge albatross that is anxiety, tied around my neck.

And that's why I'm here. To ask; where do I go from here? I feel like I've exhausted all avenues known to me. Is there a medication I can take that will subtract anxiety from my mind? Is there an alternative to CBT that might offer more long lasting results? I not only feel as though I've lost my closest companion, but also the confidence I once had. I don't want to feel like this anymore. I just want to be free from this, and to become the person I know I can be. A person who isn't anxious and panic striken in social situations. A person who can be proud of who I am. And finally, a person who can build that life I so desperately want, but has eluded me so far, due in large part to my mental health and my lack of a suitable coping strategy.

Thanks for reading. Any advice is greatly appreciated.
Jason.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
Hi Jason. :) I really don't know how I stopped being anxious/fearful in social situations. I know I challenged my core belief that everyone else was better than me. And I somehow overcame the core belief that I don't deserve to BE.

And then I started to somehow learn to be assertive yet compassionate. I even have compassion for people who start yelling. I don't take it like they are yelling at me personally. They are just yelling because they have limited coping skills.

I was really surprised when I went to a neighborhood party and I felt at home.

And I use to be really crippled with fear and not belonging so I would say if someone like me can get over it, so can you. I am happy to talk to you about this anytime.
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2015
Messages
11,502
Location
Fort Lauderdale, Florida, USA
P.S. I think it also helped learning deep relaxation/meditation, not that it cures anything but it reminds me/shows me that I can deeply surrender to life on life' terms.
 

Similar threads

Top