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not sure where to get help ;v

arodi007

arodi007

Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Mauritius
well to begin, since i was in college, i was a shy person but mostly with family(who often say am too shy, i need to chg etc... but at that time, that didnt have any effect on me) and was pretty easy for me to make friends or talk.
Getting to university that where it start to get a bit hard for me, i will never forget that one girl who keep teasing me like "how old are you", "you look like a clone with that shirt", i started to get scare of her reaction everytime i would have to met her, but after some time i start to really know her(not directly) and found out she is not that bad, just she just she dont like men or something like that(will never know the true story behind ;c) 1 thing for i wasnt anymore afraid(or less) of her reaction because of some good moment with her.
And then there was that guy who keep target me for any funny stuff in my small group friends, i was feeling kinda being bully being the target each time but i could handle my emotion, again wasnt really affecting me.

After uni where i was 22 old, got my first job(IT sector) and feel really happy i could finally not rely on my parent to buy stuff for me and also help them :D.
Now the hard part, i wont go into detail because i force myself to forget(or my brain itself).

I joined a team of 7 colleagues avg age 26-30, on my second day, they start to ask me "i should talk more" to show that am interested in x stuff, then "am too quiet/shy", getting lectured on "hey what will u do in that situation, not right etc..", "u need to be more curious" or "go met that girl" >> "what u gonna say to her" well u got the idea. i took it positive and made the effort to accept what they asked because they older than me, they just trying to help. I tried to build some relation with colleagues in other team, it was really nice. Then i found just before my work end, myself completely exhausted, my voice went out(shouldnt talk loud like when u are too thirsty to talk, it hard to explain).
I asked help to a manager in another team(because i know him well), saying to him i dont want to change my nature what other trying to do with me, doing small talk etc.., he said the word introvert, it at that time i realise why i was like this.

2 weeks after, i change team because i couldnt tolerate being treated like that. I thought i could found a peace team who would not annoy me each day. Found out it was worse, my leader treated me very bad, he was a choleric person, other colleagues warned me about his bad manners of talking to people. I couldnt believe them because that leader was married and has a young child, been here for years, "he cant be that bad". 1 day my colleague did some mistake, the leader treated him like a miserable in front of everyone. Of course it happen to me as well after, at the end he said my performance was really bad that my other colleague who join same time as me did way better than me. i cant enter into detail. after 4 months in that team, i quit my job.

During that bad period of my life, of course i look for help from colleagues, managers, my family especially my big brother or else i wouldnt even be here. I found out some colleagues just tend to be friends and being selfish, only 1 close friend in my team actually defend me for my performance.

After i quit my job, when i talk to my brother, i started to get scared of talking which never happen before with him.
I started my own business(individual) as a start-up because my plan was like save money from my IT work for 2 years, get some exp, and then make my business, my parent help me a lot for that.
I been questioning myself a lot, whether i have social anxiety or not, whether it ok to be shy/quiet. Today i talked to my mom that am worried i have social anxiety but dunno which type of psy i should look.

I didnt expect me to write that much ;x
 
JuliaW54

JuliaW54

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 4, 2019
Messages
139
Location
UK
Well, I hope it helped to read it back to yourself, can be therapeutic to write. And it’s ok to be a quiet shy person. You could have just been anxious due to the position you faced each day at work, that would be enough to make anyone anxious. I hope you get the right support.
 
T

Tomasimo

New member
Joined
Nov 15, 2019
Messages
3
Location
Slovakia
As I see it is that You are introvert. You gone through situations which made your social anxiety stronger. Your self esteem is basicaly destroyed. I dont know how to cure this I am in same situation basicaly :/
 
arodi007

arodi007

Member
Joined
Nov 13, 2019
Messages
10
Location
Mauritius
As I see it is that You are introvert. You gone through situations which made your social anxiety stronger. Your self esteem is basicaly destroyed. I dont know how to cure this I am in same situation basicaly :/
what am trying to do recently, to get back my esteem is to get some accomplishments like working on some personal project or for example 1 month ago i finally got my driving license(after the 6th tries) , that help me a lot to up my motivation :v
 
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