Not sure what to think anymore.

[Hayley]

Hello, this is my first posting here.

For a long time now I have had the sneaking suspicion that I may be suffering from some sort of anxiety disorder but I just brushed the idea under the carpet thinking that I was just over reacting. However, the problems I had grew and grew and now I don't know what to do and I was hoping someone might be able to give me some advice.

It all started back in '07 when I started to be harrassed mentally by an older colleague who resented the idea that I had authority over her. I took the problems I was having to my manager when they got to the point that I was crying because of what was happening and I was absolutely stunned when my manager denied there was a problem and told me that I was imagining it all.

This is when things started to go down hill. I started to panic about going into work. I wouldn't sleep with the worry of what was going to happen. I also started to eat lots and put on weight and then wouldn't at and would loose weight - not to the point of being anorexic or bullemic or anything but it still effected me to the point that I started calling into work sick and my absence level went sky high. I eventually quit that job last month aftr 2 years of feeling like I did.

It developed into my being nervous about going out - even just to do food shopping. Constantly thinking of what other people were looking at me for, what were they thinking about me? Did I look stupid?

It also effected my in the way that I am never able to comit to anything because I start thinking of ways in which the project I am involved with is going to make me look stupid. This has seen me turn down some really great opportunities and pull out of others which then spirals me into feeling down and depressed.

For instance, I just quit college because I used to panic about going in and how I was going to fail the course. Every lunch time at college would be spent alone because I didn't have the guts to go and mingle with the others.

It's gotten to the point where I just want to stay alone all day, away from other people and yet I crave the company and it puts me down.

I don't want to speak to anybody because it makes me feel stupid and like a failure and I don't know what to do.

 

[jamesdean]

Hi you really need tospeak to your gppost print of whot you have written n take it with you I can easily see all thats happened to you though I dont blame circumstance s because it doesnt really relate to things that happen its chemical for me but personally I can see the down ward spiral that you have xeperienced which I used to have all the time pre AD'S
Take care n keep posting n

 

[trombone_babe]

Hi Hayley, I agree with JD, go to your GP with a printout of your post. You are not stupid, you are not a failure, you just have a problem with anxiety which is treatable. You wouldn't feel stupid and a failure if, for example, you had developed a bad back, this is no different.

I hope you manage to pluck up the courage to go. Good luck, and keep posting.

 

[chrissponias]

You need psychotherapy. Look for a good professional, and don’ abandon this matter without finding a solution, because you’ll tend to feel worse in the future if you won’t react now.

Don’t try to find help here and there, without following the guidance of an expert, because you need the right therapy if you want to really overcome your psychological problems.

 

[HayleyJayne]

Hi Hayley

I was the same as you a few years ago, a few bad things happened that knocked me off track and I didnt leave the house on my own for 2 months... I saw my GP and took some time out... 6 months infact, it was really hard!!

What you are going through is totally normal and though its really hard to get your head around and see the end of its not forever.

I would do the same... see your GP and take sometime out to rest you mind and recover. Set yourself some reachable goals and get yourself back to college... dont let it spoil your experiences!!

Good luck

HayleyJayne xxxx