Not sure what to do sometimes

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Putford

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Mar 5, 2019
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Devon
This is my first post.
Most of the time I'm ok but I seem to have very wild mood swings, the smallest thing can upset me and send me down that rabbit hole, sometimes for a few days, sometimes weeks. I think most of the problems stem from my childhood, my mother was an alcoholic, regularly took overdoses, was vicious, nasty and violent towards both me and my sister, we both moved out as soon as we were able. Dad was always supportive but couldn't cope with mums temper and drinking, he found it difficult to deal with and now has bad dementia - partly down to the stresses of trying to look after her. I won't go into too much detail because there's too many memories that won't go away, tempers, never being loved, coming home from school to find mum was inebriated on the sofa, constantly told I was no good for anything, I used to keep out of her way.
I've been on anti-depressants for a few years now. I've had some help from a Psychiatrist, a hypnotherapist and recently done a CBT course, all of which may have helped.
The problem at the moment is - I'm now having to look after my parents (from a distance) and it's difficult, sometimes she's ok, sometimes she twists the knife and gets into my head which upsets me, her family haven't contacted her for years because of her aggression towards them, I don't know how to 'turn off' the feelings of resentment and anger that I have towards her, she knows exactly how to get under my skin, it bothers me and I don't want it to cause issues with my life any more. They have carers to look after them daily and give mum her meds, all I can do is call regularly, listen to her moans, pay the bills, sort out finances, jobs around the house etc - all of which take time and effort - only to get it thrown back in my face when I do help. I drive for 5 hours to see them and she is nasty as soon as I get there. Every time I go I wonder why I bother.
I recently had a 'relapse' and drifted into a dark whole because my wife jokingly made a comment - nothing out of the ordinary, just a bit of a daft thing to say - I've not spoken to her or slept in the same bed for nearly 5 weeks, when I get into that state there doesn't seem to be any going back, I admit being stubborn sometimes - but not wanting to talk for weeks? - Is that normal? Am I insane? I've got a great life, lovely place to live and a nice house, I don't worry about money or paying bills, have a loving wife, basically everything that should make a normal person happy - and I'm sad, depressed and feel at my wits end.
What can I do - if anything?
 
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Fallingfromthetop

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Feb 16, 2019
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Personally I would let a mum like that rot away until death without caring one bit and not helping one bit.

As for your wife. Feels you both need to apologize to each other, meet half way have a good talk and move on. Tell her your sorry for being away and you wanna try come back, tell her you have it rough with your parent situation and need support rather then stupid comments. Or smth like that myb.
 
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Putford

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Mar 5, 2019
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6
Location
Devon
Thanks, people have advised doing that before and its very tempting to tell her exactly what I think but she'd only then put pressure on my sister, its one or the other!
I'd probably feel guilty too, its not my dads fault and he'd no doubt suffer - she likes to make somebody's life a misery.
 
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Fallingfromthetop

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Feb 16, 2019
Messages
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Sounds real rough. I doubt there is a way to have a good talk with such a person. Myb try have some family meeting and talk things through. Doesn't really sound like there are any good options but to grind through it though. I'm sorry for you situation.
 

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