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Not sure what to do, looking for advice

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dougie07

New member
Joined
Dec 30, 2014
Messages
1
Location
Leeds
Hi,

This is my first post on the forum since I finally built up the confidence to post.

I'm currently having issues that I don't know how to deal with and it's effecting everything in my life now. Things like my relationship and job are starting to suffer badly now because I don't know how to cope with it.

I've been having mood swings, one minute I'm nice and friendly and the next for no reason what so ever I'll turn into the biggest arsehole on the planet. These mood swings are getting in the way of my relationship and have caused lose of friends in the past few months to point where I literally have none now apart from a few I talk to on the internet. The only person I really have to talk to is my girl friend but I think that's where the problem lies, I have nobody to talk to.

Though the thing I have the most trouble controlling at the moment is my insane jealously that has come about recently, this is effecting my relationship the most and my relationship is the most important thing to me. I love my girl friend more than anything but recently I've started to take things out on her for no reason, I hate myself for upsetting her and wonder why she actually stays with me if I'm been like this constantly now. Since I don't go out very often anymore if at all, I get jealous when she goes out with her friends because I want her to stay with me since I've nobody to do anything with if she's not around but I can't stop her having fun for the sake of my issue.

The jealously is getting out of hand to the point where I've accused her of cheating on me twice in the same month. Even though I've no proof that she has, just that she spends alot of time talking to a guy from work. Everytime I see her talking to him, I just feel a build up of hate towards him even though I've never met or spoken to the guy. Each time shes told me that there's nothing going on and their just friends. Most of her friends are guys which I didn't have a major issue with until this one guy, since she spent so much time talking to him compared to anyone else. It's at the point where she knows it annoys me that much she tries to hide every conversation she has with him so that I won't get angry or upset about it. Everytime she goes out with her friends, the first thing into my head is the worse case scenario, which is her cheating on me or leaving me for someone else and this happens everytime she goes out. I have spoken to her about this and we talked about it but I feel now I'm ruining her life since she doesn't want to go out sometimes because she's worried about me getting myself worked up about it.

I am seriously at a lose with what to do with myself currently. We're getting married in 3 months time but I don't want to be like this anymore and I don't want her to think she's making the mistake of marrying me, with me been like this. I want to get myself sorted out so that we can have a happy relationship again, we've been together for nearly 8 years now but the last year has been awful for us since this started getting worse and worse for me.

So I guess I'm really looking for advice on what to do since all of this is in my head but I don't know how to stop getting these thoughts. Should I go see my GP and ask to see someone who I can talk to to get help? Or just do I just need someone to talk to in general about theses issues since I've pushed away nearly all of my friends now..

Sorry for the long post, I'm sure alot of it is gibberish but I don't know what to say or do with the matter.

Thanks for reading and I appreciate any advice.
 

MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,044
:welcome: to the forum.

I think going to see the GP is a good start :)

Marliee x
 
katya

katya

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2013
Messages
2,052
Location
England
Hi, dougie. I'm sorry you're struggling like this at the moment. It's understandable that you'd start to feel insecure when you're about to embark on marriage.

It sounds as though your jealousy is a result of the fact that you've got more time to focus on what your girlfriend is doing, because you're not going out yourself, etc. That doesn't mean there's any reason to be jealous; I doubt very much that she's cheating on you.

With regard to the guy from work, again I don't think you have any reason to worry, but I do think you should talk to your partner about it, just so you can put your mind at rest. There's no point allowing this to build up in your mind, and perhaps your partner will be more sensitive to your feelings and not talk to the guy an excessive amount, if it's making you feel insecure.

I think talking to a GP would definitely be a good step, so that you can begin to feel better for yourself as well as for your relationship. It sounds as though you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to feel good, so that you're "good enough" for your partner, but please don't continue to suffer with that train of thought, because it'll just make everything seem a whole lot worse than it really is.

It sounds as though your jealousy will begin to disappear once you talk honestly with your partner and you speak to your GP. I think your jealousy and anxiety are coming from a good place; you want to have a happy relationship, but you've got yourself into a bit of a muddle because getting married is a lot of pressure. I'm sure your partner will understand if you speak to her honestly and openly about these feelings; you're certainly not the only person to feel this way before getting married.

It sounds like you need to spend more time with your friends, too, to put her spending time with her friends in a bit more of a realistic perspective. :)

Hope it all goes really well for you.
 
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