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Not sure what the problem is

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Colourful30

New member
Joined
Mar 29, 2015
Messages
3
I've been with my partner for 7 years. He has a pot of unresolved issues from his past, abusive family, care, army discharge, traumatic birth of our child etc. At least since the birth of our son (2) he has been depressed - at this time he also started working nights. In addition, his mum and uncle have cancer and his brother died last year of a drugs overdose. He has self medicated with both alcohol and cannabis.

At new year, he stopped smoking cannabis. Since then his behaviour has altered dramatically, he is very erratic, loses his temper at the drop of a hat, sits silently regularly and is like a stranger, has the shakes, can't sleep, has lapses in memory, has violent thoughts. Also, sometimes he is just so full of despair and I have been concerned that he is going to kill himself or harm someone else due to his anger issues. As a result I asked him to leave the family home 6 weeks ago for the protection of the children and myself. This has been a very difficult time as I do not know how to support him as I don't understand mental health issues. He has been to two doctors appointments - initially he was referred for anger management, the second doctor did not agree with the anger management referral and believes it could possible be anxiety and has scheduled an appointment for him to be assessed in April.

I know this isn't going to be a short process but will he ever be the person I fell in love with again or is this likely to be the person he is now going to always be.

How can I provide him support whilst ensuring that the kids and I are safe?
 
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Colourful30

New member
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Mar 29, 2015
Messages
3
Thanks for your response. My priority is and always has been my children - I have been meeting up once a week so he can see his son, which I always supervise.

His army discharge was due to medical reasons about 17 years ago but he has never got over this as he felt part of a family and it was his life - as soon as he was discharged his life went to pieces for a long time. This is when he started smoking cannabis. He has always struggled with family - having been emotionally and physically abused and then brought up in the care system in Children's homes after being returned by several foster families. Both parents went on to have additional children which they kept. Relationships prior to ours were quite fleeting with the longest being 2 years - to which he has another child.
 
Cazcat

Cazcat

Well-known member
Staff Member on Leave
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Sep 12, 2013
Messages
2,423
Hi Colourful,

Supporting a partner with mental illness is hard, big hugs.

My partner suffers from episodes of psychosis and a couple of years ago we lived seoerately fo 6 months when things were really bad. We still saw a lot of each other and I was able to offer suppirt without being engulfed with what was going on. It was a horrible time though and I hated it, so I know how hard it is.

It sounds like he has had a really hard time in the past so its hardly surprising that he is struggling. Its good that he has doctors involved to support him too.

My partner self medicated with alcohol and canabis too. Alcohol is a depressant so will not help as I'm sure you realise. Canabis can cause psychosis and so can canabis withdrawal. I'm not suggesting that he is suffering psychosis, its just the area I have experience of.

A lot of what you describe is familiar to me, Mood swings, anger, erratic thinking to the point he couldn't string a sentance together, withdrawal, suicidal thoughts. However my partner also had a lot of paranoid delusions thinking phones wrre bugged, that there were hit men after him etc.

My advice to you is first priority stay safe if you ever have any concerns get out and call the police. Secondly listen to him weather its on the phone or in person and just be there for him. Thirdly do normal stuff don't always focus on whats wrong, go to the cinema or bowling or to the park so long as you feel safe doing this. Fourthlylook after yourself, give yourself time off even if its just a bath when the kids are in bed.

Also you could put him in touch with drug and alcohol services as this may be the cause of some of the mood swings and anger. My partners personality changed dramatically when he gave up alcohol and drugs, no more mood swings or angry outbursts! This akso coinsided with starting his meds though so can't say 100%

Look after yourself and feel free to PM me.
 
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Colourful30

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Joined
Mar 29, 2015
Messages
3
Thanks Nikita for your comments, he does see his child from the previous relationship but not on a regular basis, as he lives about 3 and a half hours away but does talk to him regular on the phone.

Thanks Cazcat for your response. It is hard especially as I have to keep everything together - just before the living apart I felt I was losing myself as I had closed myself off emotionally from him. Then afterwards I was angry as I couldn't understand why his family wasn't enough to help him get his head straight.

He has a lot going on in his head that scares me and over reacts - last week he got it into his head that I was having an affair as a male friend I have known for 20 years sent me a text with a kiss on the end. This sent him right over the edge and he was planning how he could get rid of this perceived threat.

This week he has issues with his other son not wanting to talk to him so this has sent him off on one - I tried to explain that he was probably a bit strange when he saw him or spoke to him but he is adamant he was fine and said he is going to confront the situation by turning up at their house unannounced. The problem is he was ranting about how the ex and her partner were trying to turn his child against him.

I don't think at this time he would attend drug and alcohol support.
 
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