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Not sure what is wrong

N

No longer human

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Joined
Jun 10, 2020
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2
Location
South Carolina
I have Major Depressive Disorder, sever anxiety, borderline personality disorder, Bi-Polar Disorder and Intermittent Explosive Disorder and a past 18 year substance abuse problem. all manifesting itself around 12 to 16 years of age. I'm currently just about 44years old. The past few years I have noticed that I no longer love of care about anything including my disgusting self. I have been seriously considering suicide to end the pain and disgust with myself. I feel empty and not worthy of this world whereas I no longer love any thing Nothing is enjoyable, nothing brings joy to me. it's either sadness or utter rage emotion wise. I have a Pscych doctor and therapist but it doesn't help. I'm at my breaking point and no longer have any energy or strength for anything or to continue on. I'm teetering on complete loss of self and the will to live. I no longer wish to live.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,171
Being discusted with yourself, probably = no happiness etc. My personal opinion is you need to start with yourself. Be good to yourself. If we have any respect for our Creator (for those of us with faith), we at least will be grateful for everything we take for granted, and make the most of what time we have, for ourselves and also for others. In my opinion, you need to start healing from the inside out, and that in my opinion almost certainly starts with how you feel about yourself. If it helps, make a list of all your good qualities, and then the negatives. Play to your strengths (protect the good), and do what you can about the bad, remembering no one is perfect, but at least make a start. Hope this helps, and did I say be good to yourself :hug:
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Forum Safety Team
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May 6, 2017
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6,609
Location
Sheffield
That's quite the list of conditions you have, I'm sorry you're struggling at the moment.

In the USA the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be contacted on 1-800-273-8255
or suicidepreventionlifeline.org In the USA and Canada 211 is a number you can use to access information about social services.

You may also find these links helpful.



Please take care!
 
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