- Jan 22, 2019
I’m 25 and have been in and out of depression since I was in High School. Every time it starts it seems random to me, but everyone seems to think that it starts from some external event each time. It starts with me just feeling empty inside; in other words not interested in the things that normally get me excited and feeling like everything that we as a human race do is trivial, and therefore I stop interacting with people. I also stop caring about my health - I usually eat very healthy, and exercise daily. Now, I get comfort out of eating unhealthy foods ie pizza and burgers and cookies. it feels like my brain does not work properly. I constantly overthink things and can’t seem to form complex sentences. I have really bad anxiety about being in public and seeing people who knew me before. I started having depression, and my future. I’m constantly trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. I feel like it’s more than depression. I was prescribed antidepressant medication in the past and it didn’t make me feel better (tried numerous types). I’m scared that I will never be properly diagnosed and will live out this cycle of randomly being functional then dysfunctional because no one really knows what’s going on. I’ve had numerous concussions from playing football and have always been an angry kid. I moved when I was in middle school and never felt like I fit in. I had a lot of friends but since hs and throughout college I never felt like I truly had unconditional friends. I felt like I created this fake identity to make friends and if my friends truly found out how insecure and weird I was, they’d disown me as a friend. I guess what I’m saying is I never truly connected with anyone. It felt like all my friends were just there to validate my normal personality. I know this is complex and should be diagnosed by a professional, but does this sound like a particular disorder to anyone? Or am I just depressed and overthinking things and letting my depression win?