Not sure if this is the right place to post but here goes..

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soalone188

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#1
So I'm 24 and I lost my Dad due to a massive brain haemorrhage in April 2014. 9th of April, a day before his 60th birthday. He was quite literally here one minute gone the next. Basically at the hospital he was D.O.A. I watched him have two brain stem tests which was extremely unpleasant but I was there every step of the way for my Dad as I know he would be for me.

Anyway I suffer with MH issues and I just can't seem to cope since he's gone. I had mh issues before he died but I think this had made them worse. All I think about is what happened before the haemorrhage? Was it quick? Did he feel pain? I think about him being cremated and being in an urn in my front room and I cry. I think about going to see him in his coffin and how cold and weird it was, how he had blue fingernails. How me and my sibling decided to donate his organs and tissues and knowing when I went to see him in his coffin he had no eyes.

I'm so sorry for the graphic details! I do apologise! But this is what I think about instead of the happy times. Sometimes I sit and look at his picture and just ball my eyes out. Everyone tells me.to see a bereavement person but I don't know if that will help. I'm so upset still after two and a bit years. Again I'm sorry for the descriptions I just don't know who else to talk to.

Thanks for reading x
 
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sadgirl

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#2
I know how you feel I lost my mum on September 1st 15 it was really sudden there one minute gone the next having to deal with everyone and everything you kind of just shove your feelings inside push them away but they come back come out at a later date do you have someone to talk too?
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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#3
So I'm 24 and I lost my Dad due to a massive brain haemorrhage in April 2014. 9th of April, a day before his 60th birthday. He was quite literally here one minute gone the next. Basically at the hospital he was D.O.A. I watched him have two brain stem tests which was extremely unpleasant but I was there every step of the way for my Dad as I know he would be for me.

Anyway I suffer with MH issues and I just can't seem to cope since he's gone. I had mh issues before he died but I think this had made them worse. All I think about is what happened before the haemorrhage? Was it quick? Did he feel pain? I think about him being cremated and being in an urn in my front room and I cry. I think about going to see him in his coffin and how cold and weird it was, how he had blue fingernails. How me and my sibling decided to donate his organs and tissues and knowing when I went to see him in his coffin he had no eyes.

I'm so sorry for the graphic details! I do apologise! But this is what I think about instead of the happy times. Sometimes I sit and look at his picture and just ball my eyes out. Everyone tells me.to see a bereavement person but I don't know if that will help. I'm so upset still after two and a bit years. Again I'm sorry for the descriptions I just don't know who else to talk to.

Thanks for reading x
hi, and I'm so sorry for your loss

fwiw 2 years is definitely within the range of Normal Grieving. Some people never get over it.

You sound like you have some questions you need answered, and i would absolutely suggest speaking to a Bereavement Counsellor as they can help you figure these out.

Once you have things answered in your own mind you will begin to let your Dad go.

my dad died suddenly too 25 years ago and i think about him every day, something i never did while he was alive! so they really don't die, at all, but live on in your memories. sometimes i could swear hes in the kitchen reading the races page.

It may also be helpful, to see what happened to his organs. He has obviously saved SOMEONES sight, the most incredibly precious gift.

So your dad is actually still here walking around helping someone else to see.

i saw a clip of a lady who lost her baby then a couple of years later heard his donated heart beating in the chest of the little girl it had saved.

That is your son, the girls mother murmured. Hes keeping my baby alive.

It was just so incredibly touching, everyone was in tears. So your dad, is keeping someone elses dad alive, too.

The actual process of death means that his soul flies out of his body and he no longer feels pain, no longer feels cold. Its literally just a shell, you can see the life go and they no longer feel pain.

Bereavement counselling can help you deal with this trauma.

Good luck.

BDU
 
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soalone188

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#4
Hey thank you for your replies. Bdu it's so strange you said that about the races page. My dad used to bet on the horses and my cousin placed racing post newspaper in his hands in his coffin. Kind of funny really. Do you think there is life after death? Do you think we will see our loved ones again? Yes my dad got a certificate and an award from the order of St John for his donations. I went to the ceremony to get it. I know he's helped loads of people I've received letters to tell me. He's saved about 8 people and think it's his heart valves are at great ormond street hospital. I'm so glad he's helped so many people but I really miss him all the time everyday we were so incredibly close. He was an absolutely brilliant man. I love him so much. :'( xxx
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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#5
Hey thank you for your replies. Bdu it's so strange you said that about the races page. My dad used to bet on the horses and my cousin placed racing post newspaper in his hands in his coffin. Kind of funny really. Do you think there is life after death? Do you think we will see our loved ones again? Yes my dad got a certificate and an award from the order of St John for his donations. I went to the ceremony to get it. I know he's helped loads of people I've received letters to tell me. He's saved about 8 people and think it's his heart valves are at great ormond street hospital. I'm so glad he's helped so many people but I really miss him all the time everyday we were so incredibly close. He was an absolutely brilliant man. I love him so much. :'( xxx
there you go - me mentioning the races page MAY have been your dad communicating via me, to tell you hes ok and shhh the races are about to start. :)

lets imagine them sitting there together hanging off the mirror finish.

i don't believe in life after death but i don't NOT believe it either.

i believe in science and science tells us there are 11 dimensions in the universe. Whats known as the Afterlife could well be one of these dimensions. Our dads are alive and well and still bitching over the 2.30 at Cheltenham, in another dimension. :)
 
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soalone188

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#6
Haha yeah I hope so! I so want to see him again one day but I don't know what to believe. I'd like to see a psychic but would probably be rubbish. And I'd like to know his spirit is around but nothing has ever happened to convince me :( xx
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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#7
Haha yeah I hope so! I so want to see him again one day but I don't know what to believe. I'd like to see a psychic but would probably be rubbish. And I'd like to know his spirit is around but nothing has ever happened to convince me :( xx
for me, its like hes in the next room.

I never saw him regularly though so its easy to pretend hes right where I left him.

but honestly I barely thought about him while he was alive, now I think about him every day. They get More Present, if anything. IMHO. You sort of, feel them, in an odd way.

I remember going to a funeral of the first of two close friends who died within 3 weeks of each other. It was packed, his family stunned at the size, and most had to stand outside

it was dead quiet and still as the preacher guy spoke; the minute his bestie started to speak a mini tornado appeared from nowhere and rattled all the gum trees.

it was spooky, the whole crowd looked up.

I'm sure youll feel your dad soon.
 
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soalone188

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#8
Yeah same with my dad alot of people had to be stood ouside. He was a well respected man. I just hope I do feel him soon or something happens where I know he's there. Because I'm starting to think he's gone and that's the end of it 😢 xx
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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#9
Yeah same with my dad alot of people had to be stood ouside. He was a well respected man. I just hope I do feel him soon or something happens where I know he's there. Because I'm starting to think he's gone and that's the end of it �� xx
for me, I got pregnant 10 days after my dad died

the baby has his eyes :eek2:
 
Mayfair

Mayfair

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#10
Hi soalone.

I read your post because it was at the top of recent posts and I opened and read it.

I don't often post on things I've read in these kinds of threads, but I decided to post, after a few things struck a cord.

1. You going to see him in the coffin: With experience, I've chosen to not do this again (but the choice should be there). In future, I will be one that says to someone if they haven't done it before, 'it's your choice, but you won't see the person, they're gone, try and remember them when they were alive'

I think you said 'cold and weird', and that is my memory of it. It was an extremely confusing time for me, because I didn't believe they were dead (even though I was 99.999% sure that people wouldn't lie to me about it) - it's not easy to explain is it soal?

2. Thinking about people's last thoughts and feelings, I think can be very damaging to people.

It sounds to me like these are damaging you. I think that's why the older people are, the more often you hear - 'I hope I die quickly'. I do too, if the alternative is a slow painful death.

I would concentrate on how much time you enjoyed with him :)

3. Donating body parts: Well done him. Someone is having a better life thanks to him, AND he still lives on in someone else. If your thoughts go to that image you have in the coffin, then remember this. Someone might be able to see now, or at least helped people in the future be able to see :)
 
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soalone188

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#11
Hi Mayfair sorry for the late reply. Thank you for your reply. I appreciate you taking the time to reply.

I'm going to see a bereavement person because I just can't cope. X