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not sure if this is in the right spot. i couldnt really find a general?

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khaynette

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not sure if this is in the right spot. i couldnt really find a general?

Hi there, i am having some issuea with my mom and have been pretty much my whole life. She seems to think everyone has a mental disorder but herself. It is to the point where she is giving a ten year old child inconsistent doses of aderall causing behavioural issues. But when her health or motives are questioned she is defensive and confrontational. As i was growing up i had issuea with suicidal thoughts, tried to runaway and ended up in a psych ward. This was due to my family life with her and my father. The first psychiatrist i spoke with said i was a spoiled brat. I agree. I was. I was never disciplined properly. My mom would lash out at me for nothing, chasing me around and beating me for something as simple as dropping her laundry on the floor. Punished, not disciplined. She is very good hearted and will give anybody the world but tends to take her anger out on the child. Anyway, she didnt like the first psychiatrist answer so got a second opinion. He diagnosed me as bipolar. I refused, i just knew i wasnt. To this day i am fine and not on meds as my husband can attest to, but she still believes i need medication because i have issues with my youth i am still working through. We, my husband and i believe she needs to see a doctor for her issues. However, unlesz we can find what may be plaguing her and brong these symptoms up she will become defensive and think everybody is against her she is perfect and everyone else has the problem. This happens all the time with things not even relevant to this subject. It is getting out of hand and affecting all of our lives. Any suggestions?
 
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Tatty

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Hi and :welcome:

Your mum might not have a mental disorder as such but she doesn't sound very emotionally stable. A lot of her behaviour may stem from her own upbringing.

Have you had a proper chat with your mum? Sit down over coffee and talked about the way her behaviour makes you feel? Often a lot of issues within the family can be resolved but they only get worse because of the white elephant in the room.

Tatty
 
F

fallen

Guest
hi khaynette,

I sympathise with your situation as I had issues with my adoptive mother where she had unresolved issues from her childhood that affected her behaviour towards others. I broke contact with her a few years ago because it all got too much for me.

I'm not suggesting you necessarily do the same as me (although I would not blame you if you wanted to) but it is important that you put your own mental health first. Even although you may want to help her, it is possible that she doesn't want help, which puts you in a difficult position if you have to continue to tolerate her behaviour.

I am not an expert by any means so perhaps you could try talking to a mental health charity that can give you advice on how to handle this e.g. MIND: Mind, For better mental health | Mind Also, what Tatty suggested is a good place to start to see if she will open up to you.

xfallenx :hug1:
 
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khaynette

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Thanks for the quick reply. Definitely not very emotionally stable. We have tried talking to her. We have had alot of time to do this because since we are renovating and cant have our young ones there in the process are staying with her. My husband has better chances of talking because she doesnt care about what i say. Maybe if i was on meds she would but she thinks everything i think is due to the disorder she believes i have. She respects my husbands thoughts more. When he tries to talk to her about this it goes in one ear and out the other. She will either ignore it or become offended and start explaining all the problems my nephew who she has custody of has. And we dont think he has these problems. He is a normal child lacking proper discipline, reaponsibility and accountability for his own actions. Just like i did as a child. However with the general public they wow her for doing so well raising a child who apparently has cp, autism, and adhd. Her parenting cant be the cause of any of it. I think the glory she gets for this is the reason she insists on overmedicating. Or the fact that if he doesnt have these problems her parenting will be called into question like it was with me. She wont listen to how either of us feel on this subject. And we also worry for my nephews sake. Just dont know what to do anymore.
 
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khaynette

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Fallen i didnt get your reply until after i replied to the first one. I will look into that and thank you for the input. Cutting her off his not an option.
 
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fallen

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I know it is a bit drastic, but have you considered reporting her if you suspect she is doing the same to your nephew???
 
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Tatty

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If she believes her behaviour isn't a problem then sadly there isn't much you can do short of cutting ties with her. I have a similar problem with my own mum and I've learned to just ride with it. She promises me the world and within days it's like nothing has changed.

Obviously if you're worried your nephew is being abused then get in touch with CPS (I think you're in the US for using 'mom') straight away.

I'm sorry I can't help more.

Tatty
 
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