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Not sure if my feelings are rational.

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worryworth

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Joined
Jul 27, 2008
Messages
45
I am a person who don't feel comfortable staying home alone.
My husband wanted to go out of the country for some business. He could avoid it if he chose but he wanted to go. For a few weeks I wasn't happy about he decision but I got over it now and even help him with flight reservations. I didn't want to go along because it costs a lot of money.
In order to take care of the problem, he asked my friend if she would come and stay with me. He offered to pay her. She agreed. They both agreed to keep the discussion a secret from me. She was good at keeping a secret, I met with her for lunch and was shocked to hear her said, "Let him go, I'll come stay with you". I couldn't believe what I heard because I have asked her many times before to stay at my house but she never did. She always drove home no matter what time of the night it was.
One day when my husband and I had a discussion about his upcoming trip he suddenly blurted out,"Oh, I have made an arrangement for your friend X to come stay with you'. When I told him I couldn't believe she would stay with me because she never wanted to spend a night at our house then he said,'Oh, I offered to pay her'
Here's how I feel:
I feel betrayed that my husband never discussed with me before he went to talked to my friend about staying with me.
I don't have a wish to see my friend again because I feel that money is more important to her than our friendship.
I know that she and my husband agreed to not tell me about their arrangement but I still feel BETRAYED. Why is that. Are my feelings rational?
 
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deadflowers

Guest
Your friend not wanting to stay at your house is perfectly normal, if I can get home I would rather be at home, I don't want to stay at anyone's house really. I don't know how I would feel about it really?? She seems a good friend that always comes to see you when your husband is away??? If she really didn't want to, but felt really pressured by your husband, then I don't think it's just the cash incentive, I genuinely believe she doesn't want to, but she's been put under so much pressure to that she'a taking the cash as an irritation payment for doing something she doesn't want to do-but the best thing to do is ask her??

i'm sorry that this has happened to you, but can you weigh this off against whether you have been demanding on this subject, to get an understanding, before you seek an answer from her??

xxxxxx love love xxxxxxxxxx
 
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BennyB

Guest
It seems that there is one point that is un clear . Is she his friend too ?? Cos if not then the money was not a weard thing cos he doesn't know her that well and would have seen it a necessary thing to offer but if he has to go out of town and didn't want it to cost so much then he was just finding a way around it . A nother thort is that she didn't want to stay there cos he was there and she was not ok with that
 
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worryworth

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Jul 27, 2008
Messages
45
Deadflowers, she visits my home when my husband is around. My husband hardly goes out of town.
BennyB, We both enjoy her company but I must say she was closer to me than to my husband. We went out together quite often.
Now my question is, why do I feel so uncomfortable even seeing her. Today my husband went to town and swung by her work place and said, she sent me her regards. I kind of think that the problem lies in me and I want to understand why I feel this way and how do I make myself see the big picture. I am posting here because I have a problem: Needy and thinking too much about what people think of me to the point that I avoid them. Some people also pick on my feelings which makes them feeling uneasy to hang out with me. What a sad person I am. :low:
 
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diddypinks

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you not a sad person at all I would be a bit miffed if my boyfien went to see my fiend without me feelings aren't rational. talk to you fiend and you husband tell them that it hurt your feelings that they lied to you
don't let it bring you down diddypinksx
 
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deadflowers

Guest
No, you are a lovely person, it's sound to me that you are just surrounded by horrible ones hunny-that takes nothing away from you and you shouldn't let it.

I would call her on taking the money?? I given my mates peterol money for doing me a favour, i've bought that beers when they are skint (but this is normally reciprocated) but a direct payment to be my friend is odd. How you described it in the first place did make me feel a little different to now.

Can you really not be alone?? What was the conversation with her?? did he tell you in detail?

I'm sorry this has happened to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
 
coldwater00

coldwater00

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Location
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I'm thinking what sort of husband "arranges" set ups like this on behalf of his wife? Do you just do what he tells you to do? Why can't you just say no and tell your friend how you really feel if it has upset you? Or do you not have a mouth/brain of your own?
 
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worryworth

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Jul 27, 2008
Messages
45
you not a sad person at all I would be a bit miffed if my boyfien went to see my fiend without me feelings aren't rational. talk to you fiend and you husband tell them that it hurt your feelings that they lied to you
don't let it bring you down diddypinksx
A little odd. But I think it would be better for my husband who is a loner to have some friends to talk to.
 
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worryworth

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Joined
Jul 27, 2008
Messages
45
I'm thinking what sort of husband "arranges" set ups like this on behalf of his wife? Do you just do what he tells you to do? Why can't you just say no and tell your friend how you really feel if it has upset you? Or do you not have a mouth/brain of your own?
Have you heard of 'fixers'? These kind of people feel that they must fix every problem, what they don't realise is that they are actually making a problem. My husband is a fixer. Yes, I have a brain of my own, I said 'No' to him on this and a friend is not coming to stay with me for even one night.
 
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worryworth

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Jul 27, 2008
Messages
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Health Journal said:
Hi Worryworth ~ Great post. Your feelings are rational if you ask me. I would not like it if my husband paid a friend of mine to stay with me while he went out of town. Nor would I appreciate him visiting her at her workplace and passing on a message from her. I don't think I'd trust her or like her. Hopefully, you can talk to her on a real level. I'd tell her to stay away from me husband. That is what I'd do, but pray about it.
Health Journal
Oh, I actually trust my husband and my friend completely. I am very confident that they would never cross the line. There is no romatic inclination between them. Thanks for your response.
 

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