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Not sure if I have it right, but I think I'm close

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Hyglotzomer Pidgians

Member
Joined
Jun 10, 2009
Messages
9
Location
Alaska
For years, I've always had trouble with getting schoolwork done. My moods flunctuate throughout the year, so the amount of work I do and the time I put into it are kind of random. Usually it just gets to a point where I half give up and just stop trying to turn in assignments, either because I didn't even do them or because I don't feel like finishing them once I've started. I know I'm not doing well, but I still treat it with indifference, which is not really the proper response considering grades are almost everything at this point.

I've had threories almost every year, mostly attributed to depression, but I told myself, I'll get over it, because everyone else seems to do just fine. Then, I got scared for a while, thinking maybe my brain didn't develope properly, and that's some how responsible for my lack of enthusiasm. There's a ton more, as I've always been desperate to find the answer, because I thought that was the key to my success if I knew what was wrong.

But, now I've come to think that the problem is attributed to just plain unrequited love. It's pretty lame, because I can imagine most if not all of my friends might suffer from the same thing, but they are so focused and involved in school, it doesn't seem to fit.
I have mood swings, not crazy radical ones, but sometimes I just feel really low, and nothing I do seems to lift my mood. And other times, I'm just all over the place, from social indifference, to unjustified euphoria, to almost everything else. My self esteem is relatively low, my sleeping schedule is a little whack sometimes, and I like to hoard paper clips which, I guess, is taken as an obsessive preoccupation of some sort.

The kid I have feelings for is my good friend's older brother, so it's obvious why i wouldn't just go after him. I wouldn't go after anyone, I've made it clear to myself that dating in highschool is very uncool. Also, he lives outside of the norms, dropping college to take on two jobs to make enough money to move to Australia this summer. Part of me wants to ask him to take me with him, the other part just wants to forget him so I can live the normal life I've tried to make for myself. We've had so many fun times together, that, even if I weren't in love, it's still sad to have a friend move away.

And, this whole thing doesn't just affect my performance in school, it affects everything. I hide in my room for a majority of the time I'm home from school, mostly to do work, but even when I'm done, I just try and find something to keep me a little preoccupied until I fall asleep. I live a seemingly pointless and redundant existence.

If you have any insight, similar stories, or advice, please post, I appreciate it very much.
 
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Carol_C

Member
Joined
Jan 1, 2010
Messages
5
Hey ^_^

Hi, on reading your thread i find that it's quite similar to my self these past 4 years. Actually it's nearly identical.. except the guy i like isn't moving away and i don't collect paperclips...(i do seem to hoard tickets and things of sentimental value though >.<)
Personally, i don't think my problem has anything to do with the guy i love/like (can't fully decide) I have liked him for 8 years but have decided "admire from afar",as the saying goes. Although this depresses me at times i don't think it has anything to do with my problems with school work so i have come down to the conclusion that what i'm learning doesn't intrest me,thus giving me no reason to learn it. So i have decided to let things work themselves out.

I don't know is this will help you, but i thought you might get some comfort from the idea that this is happening to someone else also ^_^


- Carol
 
K

kb2

New member
Joined
Jan 7, 2010
Messages
4
Hi,

I went though the exact same thing as you, so i know how your feeling and i know its awful.

But if i could give you one bit of advice id say to put into your school work the same amount of energy and passion that you have for this boy. I know it may seem really hard, or even impossible but you need to think of yourself too. Trust me, when you come out the other side of this you will wish that you hadnt of wasted so much energy on this boy but instead invested it into you future, on the person who is most important, you. I know i wish i had of!!

Also, if all these problems are playing on you mind constantly why dont you take a break from them. Put down your books and get this boy out of your mind for an hour or two and go do something you enjoy with friends and family, anything to take you mind off it. Its the first thing that will help.

If things are still just as hard why not go see a doctor, you need to think about yourself and your wellbeing.
 
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Hyglotzomer Pidgians

Member
Joined
Jun 10, 2009
Messages
9
Location
Alaska
Thanks for posting!

Carol: I'm sorry that you've had to choose that role for 8 years, I can't imagine how much more painful that must be! I'm half convinced I should just say something to the guy I like, because being silent about something so serious and potentially rewarding and wonderful shouldn't be the thing I regret when I grow old(er). I'm only young once, and with a little luck working my way, his sisters won't know about it if rejection is the outcome, so atleast I'll still be friends with them without everything being completely awkward.
(By the way, I hoard things with sentimental value too! Any ticket I get from going somewhere I keep in a little stash in my closet, reminds me of good times, ya know?)

kb2: That's good advice, but I have trouble doing what's good for me and sticking with it. However, it seems I've turned a new leaf this semester, so far, and I'm not so much distracted by him anymore. I believer the thing propelling me forward this week is the prospect of getting to hang out with him this weekend, I'm very happy about that. I haven't been putting too much passion into my work, though that seems to be a good thing to attempt. But, I have been working quite diligently, and when I complete assignments, I feel a sense of accomplishment i haven't felt in a long time, giving me the energy to keep doing them. I love it. I hope it never ends, or falters as some sort of response to anything that might happen this weekend.


Really, I've come to decide that it might not be my feminine passions that have driven me insane but something else. I must not be completely right in the head, and the most convincing piece of evidence I have is the comparison of my dreams with others'. Other people dream of normal things, like failing a test or being chased around by monsters or something normal-ish. My dreams tend to consist of utter nonsense having almost none of the other themes or similarities of my friends. And i know, dreams are something unique to everyone, but of all the dreams I've heard from other people, none have been quite like mine. Except from people who are diagnosed with bipolar and other personality/mental disorders.

But, I've done relatively well for myself so far, I see no reason why I can't continue as I am. I'm feeling tall, and if I crash again, I'll only continue to look for answers.

And thanks for posting suggestions and experiences, and i hope things work out for the better for everyone!

:)
 
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