• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

Not sure how to trust in a relationship again?

K

KatieIsMe_x3

Member
Joined
May 6, 2018
Messages
15
Whenever I meet someone (guy) and we seem to get talking and getting to know each other and begin dating, it never seems to last. Every guy I start getting to know always seems so good and genuine, like they’d do anything for me and then a couple of months later, they seem to change and the relationship ends?

A few years ago, I met a lad and he was so lovely, made me feel so special and then a month later, he started distancing himself and it turned out he was also seeing another girl. Last year, I met another guy, things were amazing at first, he took me on dates, bought me roses, cooked me a candlelit dinner (I thought he was so different) and then two months later, I felt a change in him and he admitted he wasn’t sure if he was over his ex. This year I met another guy, we did actually get in a relationship and he was so lovely too, always making an effort, making me feel so special and wanted and again, I really thought this guy was different. About four months into the relationship, I also noticed he seemed distant and not like the guy I first started getting to know. We ended things last week, and he basically admitted he wasn’t sure he wanted to be in a serious relationship right now.

Obviously I’m not thinking about a new relationship just yet, but I’m just not sure I’d ever be able to trust that someone wouldn’t leave me again. Whenever I get to know someone, they seem to be so perfect and amazing but then they always seem to change and then the relationship ends. If I was ever lucky to meet someone else, I’ll always be worrying about when he was going to change and end things.

I do suffer from anxiety in relationships, which was a real challenge in my last relationship. But with another failed relationship behind me, I’m just not sure if I’ll ever be able to trust anyone again or be able to handle the anxiety I’d feel. :(
 
W

wheezey

Guest
Hi there. Welcome to the forum. I really am sorry you have been so let down. I have had bad relationships but now have a good one. I took things very slowly and didnt trust until he prooved he could be trusted. I think if you take things slowly there is every chance you can have something special.
 
P

Peacebwu

New member
Joined
Feb 1, 2018
Messages
3
I am sorry your struggling with trust! It sounds like your a lady after my own heart. I had tendencies to give away my heart to fast. I also made the mistake of giving my body up for romance before a man had proven himself trustworthy and married me. I learned that there's nothing wrong with making a man prove himself and earn trust. It's ok to go slow and let time do it's perfect work in relationships.
I also learned that my need to be loved was so great that I was looking for a relationship to feel loved. That was the wrong motive. Relationships are hard! The truth is there's only 1 out there meant for a lifetime. The rest are distractions. I learned that my intent was lifetime commitment-marriage. If a man wasn't looking for a wife than he had no business dating me. Furthermore, my intent for marriage wasn't to have my needs be met but to serve. Any other reason will make the relationship even harder as you're jolted into reality. The only way a love last for a lifetime is much selfless sacrifice on both parts. It's work to meld and become one. The best and deepest relationships are the ones that go through the fire together and come out stronger as one.
Perhaps instead of looking at these relationships as rejections you could look at them with gratitude for weeding out what you don't want, tools to teach you how to guard your heart, and help refine what you want in the future?
The special one may take time and that's ok. He's out there somewhere! There's millions of people in this world. It's like finding the fish in a sea of many. Let him find you, let him earn you heart, make him commit before he gets all of you. You'll find so many blessings come from that!
From one gal who's struggled with anxiety to another...you are worth the investment and love! Big hugs!
 
Y

Y939

Guest
I'm sorry your relationship ended. It's actually hard to know when someone is completely sincere, genuine, ready... When we meet and start dating, we wear masks to display our best selves, and underlying issues and problems just aren't obvious until later, maybe much later. That's the disappointing thing, and it's scary to think about getting into a relationship with another person, because you just don't know the underlying thoughts, beliefs, and unresolved issues in the other person. We don't even know our own a lot of the time. It makes romantic relationships so complicated!

I think good judgement comes with age. As we get older, we naturally learn to intuit the other person's subtle, invisible issues, at least I hope so. We learn from experience. I worry all the time that if I meet someone, I'll make a huge error in judgement and something bad will come of it. I think we just have to be cautious, listen to our guts, rely on our heads a little more than our hearts, because our hearts get too much say, and they are fools, let's be honest! It's good to have smarts :nod1: but it takes time to develop. We can just try to think about what went wrong with past partners and try to learn something so we can intuit other prospective partners better.

Also, anxious attachment creates huge problems in relationships. I suffer with it, too. At the very least it makes men feel iffy, and they reconsider settling down when their partner is anxiously attached. I think... it happened to me! I was the "dream girl" and "his angel" in the beginning, but over time I unmasked the Crazy and he distanced himself, and for years he had me balancing on scales, commit to her, or don't commit to her? He chose the latter. There were probably more problems that made him choose not to, his own fear of moving away from home, but I do think he decided I wasn't the girl for it... I wasn't a calm and gentle breeze in his life. Guys want nice breezes.

So my advice is to listen to yourself, to your gut, and to your head. Be really cautious when you meet a new guy that has potential - analyse it with your head.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
HellRider LOOKING FOR ADVICE - Not sure where to share this but thought I'd ask here Social Anxiety Forum 7
arodi007 not sure where to get help ;v Social Anxiety Forum 3
I Not sure where to turn next Social Anxiety Forum 2
E Not sure how to change?? Social Anxiety Forum 1
B not sure what i am feeling... is this anxiety ? Social Anxiety Forum 6
W Not sure if my feelings are rational. Social Anxiety Forum 9
Rolin i am not sure if i belong Social Anxiety Forum 12
D Can not date a girl cause I have trust issues... Social Anxiety Forum 10
S How do I learn to trust new friends? Social Anxiety Forum 4
S How should I go about learning to trust that someone will keep in touch with me? Social Anxiety Forum 2
Ritual Abuse Survivor My RA abusers who have erased my trust Social Anxiety Forum 6
TalulahBlank I grew up in a sex cult and now I have trust issues Social Anxiety Forum 5
sunnyJams15 Having No Friends My Age Makes Life Transition (First Relationship) Tough! Social Anxiety Forum 1
D Missed out on my youth (the relationship/dating scene) Social Anxiety Forum 12
M no relationship and can’t get a girlfriend due to being socially awkward Social Anxiety Forum 46
Z Relationship ended and the ex is expecting our baby Social Anxiety Forum 3
M Relationship Anxiety Social Anxiety Forum 1
K Help! How to deal with relationship anxiety?! Social Anxiety Forum 10
W Anxiety/depression severely limting relationship Social Anxiety Forum 8
J Relationship Anxiety Social Anxiety Forum 4
L Anxiety about my relationship Social Anxiety Forum 2
S Relationship advice for the anxious- what to do when rejected? Social Anxiety Forum 1
K Does SA every effect your relationship? Social Anxiety Forum 2
B Relationship anxiety Social Anxiety Forum 10
O Relationship anxiety anyone? Social Anxiety Forum 6
L My anxiety is ruining my relationship Social Anxiety Forum 3
B co-worker relationship problems Social Anxiety Forum 6
J In a relationship with someone who has SA... Social Anxiety Forum 4

Similar threads

Top