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Not sure how to explain this

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Nooneinparticular

Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
6
Location
AZ
The feeling I get is almost like I don't feel alive. Not sure if thats a good way of explaining it. For example, you walk outside, you feel the air and sun on your skin and it feels good, relaxing. I don't feel this anymore. This probably sounds stupid I just don't know how to explain it...
 
Cpt_Stunning

Cpt_Stunning

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 23, 2019
Messages
558
Location
Plymouth
it's not stupid seems maybe derealisation.
 
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pcoventry

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
73
Location
Newport S.Wales
It's not stupid I feel it all the time. I just have to get to where I need to be, no longer where I want to be. - where I always end up though is in front of the computer tear rolling down my cheek and wondering why life became this way.

I have 3 relatives all in their 90s and all on their way out - 90% of my family now congregate in heaven, it's where I will be going when the last one drops, life on my own is too much to bear
 
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Nooneinparticular

Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
6
Location
AZ
I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't speak with any of my family. Never met my father, and when I finally found him about 10 years ago he told me he was a pedophile, so i chose not to meet him. My mom pretty much gave me up at 11 and i grew up in group homes. I have no one really. No friends. I am married but he doesn't understand me. Just tells me " just stop thinking the way you do". He doesn't understand it's not that easy. I feel all alone and no one to talk to. That's why I decided to join an online forum....
 
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pcoventry

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
73
Location
Newport S.Wales
Thank you and I'm sorry that all happened. Sounds like in relation to your dad you made the right choice in spite of it all.

Yes people often think it's as easy as telling us to snap out of it. If only it were that easy. I've lost an engagement and a marriage and children. I'm so done with any of that
 
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Nooneinparticular

Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
6
Location
AZ
Yes I had 3 children that were pretty much kidnapped by my mother 15 years ago( that's too long of a story ) I have another little one and am so deathly afraid of her not being in my life. I am married and scared to death if it doesn't work out he will try to take her from me ( he hasn't threatened it, I'm just paranoid about it) So i just keep my mouth shut and try not to cause any arguments or disagreements.
 
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pcoventry

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
73
Location
Newport S.Wales
I sort of know what you mean. I wish I had done the same I have 4 estranged children pretty much all alienated by their mothers to spite me and I don't see them as a result. I stay in the same house in the hope now some of them are 16 ill be found.
 
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Nooneinparticular

Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
6
Location
AZ
Yeah I don't think i would be able to handle losing her... i would probably just end it... she's the only reason keeping me here now... I hope you are seeked out by your children.. I'm sure you will be... my mom tried telling me all kinds of things about my dad ( none of which were true, she didn't know he was a pedophile either) and i wanted to look for him to find out for myself... and instead it was worse than anything she said... but I wanted to find him to talk to him.
 
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