Not sure how to cope

[colourblind]

I don't often post on here, I'm a newbie but just wondered if anyone has any help or advice at all.

Things just feel quite hard right now, aside from my life feeling pointless, going nowhere (trying to avoid the "downhill" term and think posative) I'm just finding everything getting on top of me, the nights feel endless and are so hard, I can't sleep. Ive got some sleeping pills but am wary of becoming too dependant on them (I was warned they are addictive) I am scared of trying to sleep, something about the dark and the lonliness and things just feel ten times worse. Then I seem to end up existing on a few hours of broken sleep each night. I rarely get more then 5 which I know is not enough and makes it harder (emotionally) the next night.

Things feel hard right now for several reasons, I see a psychotherapist and things there are changing, having fewer sessions scares the hell out of me but I don't have enough money to pay to see her as much as I'd like/as I'd need.
I think thats a main issue, plus theres stuff which I feel I hold onto between sessions, it makes everything so much more bearable to have the sessions I do, now they reduce it feels impossible to cope. I don't feel like I can cope.

I feel suffocated, trapped, I don't feel like I can get my head around this. I keep fiding my mind thinking of an "easy way out". I worry about thinking that as each time I think about it, it feels slightly more plausable. What once disgusted and embarassed me to think about now seems almost normal and that scares me. I mean I know the right "port of calls" to make, (get medical help etc) but when I feel that low its hard to make that choice. I get low quite often yet somehow make it through to the next day, however the nights I feel like I can't cope seem to be more common place at the moment and I am not sure how much longer I can keep going through this night after night. Its like I'm waiting for something small to tip me over the edge, give me an excuse.

I'm not sure what to do, what to try, I guess I'm not seeing things clearly, things feel pretty dark right now. I guess I just want an easy solution when there is not one. I guess any sort of light at the end of the tunnel would also be great. But I don't think there is one. I can't seem to think my way out of this one and it just goes on and on...at the moment I have support that just about gets me through, I am so scared that when things change the things I hang on to at 3am, 4am, 5am.... will no longer be there.

I don't know what to do.

 

[rasselas]

...

Some suggestions to ponder. I'll list them to keep it simple.

1. Exercise. Rigorous walking for example is great for the mind and the body and will help restore your circadian rhythm.

2. Explore spirituality. It is my opinion that depression is a sign from the body and mind that something is wrong, it is the call to action - to begin a process.

3. Laugh. Allow yourself to laugh. All the obvious ways of doing this but find the humour in situations, there's always some there. Embrace levity.

4. Get out! When the thoughts are taking over, the negativity is in overdrive, seek people.

5. Read. Read about other people's stories - of how other people overcame similar difficulties or extremely harsh conditions. Embrace the notion of survival.

6. Share. Never suffer all alone.

7. Eat well. Take your food very seriously when your low. Make it top priority. Research foods that may help and record how your diet affects your mood.

8. Cut out caffeine drinks after 7pm. And do not eat after this time either (and breakfast is paramount - oats are the best!)


I wish you the best.

 

[colourblind]

Thankyou for your reply, have tried many of those- don't want to knock out any of your suggestions, just don't want you to think I'm not trying to dig myself out of this hole!

I have a problem with exercise, an obsession, it takes over my life, I no longer see my friends. I feel too fat if I don't go, its a bit of a hard cycle to break- I am trying, its something thats taken me months to get a day released from! I have gotten better with it but its hard, it feeds into alot of negative stuff I guess. I am starting to think I must have the heart to rival an Olympian though!

How do you look into spirituality? the whole idea terrifies me, I used to be a "Bible Freak" but now even the sight of a church scares me, its the knowlegde that death is nothing, that I will lose everyone I love, that the world is so screwed up that even if everyone stopped the wars and dealt with the starvation, there would just be so much hate, its like we're all destined to live in our own versions of self created hell. That makes me feel so sad and also helpless to change anything. The idea of losing everyone an being left to exist in such a world is one of those things that puts me at the edge of this depression. Hence I block out spirituality and anything similar.

With all the get-out advice, I do in the day time, I do and I block things out and the majority of the day I am able to get through. I do sometimes have to take pills to give me a boost (all sold in shops, nothing illegal, b-vitamins and caffiene and energy pills and etc) which I never take after 2pm and don't take every day. I have to do this to get through. But then I get home and it all tumbles down. I don't feel like I can cope, I want/need a way out. It sort of drains on me, eats at me, I seem to get dragged down lower and lower...I feel like such a waste of space, waste of life, I have tried to work on this with my p'therapist and can see its more to do with how I have felt growing up and etc but it doesn't take away the way it feels now and its hard if not impossible to disbelieve.

I do eat well though- very healthily, it comes with the exercise obession (I don't do refined foods, I eat enough protein, eat way more then my 5 a day, probably clser to 10 a day and 5 liters of water, plain, no additives every day (I spend alot of time tied to the gym) if anything I'm probably too ridgid but its better then being into junk food which I think is dangerous to eat as the high sugars and fats sound addictive to a body biologically programmed to store food in case of famine.

I always eat plain porrige made with water for breakfast- your right, it is the best, I like my breakfast very much! Took me ages to find something which I could get my health-freak-head around!


Its the notion of survival I can't get my head around, I can see others have gotten through things, I just don't feel strong enough to do the same.

 

[Moochacha]

Lots of Help

I understand how you feel, and I concur with Mark.uk that there are several things you can do to help your mood.

There's a direct correlation between food and mood. It's important to eat well, even if you have to force yourself.

Psychotherapy may work for some, but it takes a long time, and time is something we can't afford when we're depressed or mentally ill.

If you want to get well, fast and permanently, you need some energy psychology or energy healing.

I'm going to put a new post on my blog that gives a run-down on the methods I know of. If you care to visit, you can pick one that appeals to you, explore the possibilities, and hopefully contact a practitioner.

Energy healing is a miraculous way to treat any form of dis-ease in the body, mind or spirit.

Usually, physical manifestations are a result of blocked energy in the body caused by negative beliefs or destructive cellular memories from ancestors lodged in our genes.

To treat depression or any health condition, energy practitioners often first use kinesiology (aka muscle testing) to communicate with the subconscious. A yes-no question session finds the TRUE source of the dis-ease.

Then, the practitioner works with the patient to eliminate the false beliefs & cellular memories and replaces them with truths and unblocks the energy flow in the body.

With the more potent forms of energy medicine, like Theta healing, the results can be instantaneous. If the condition is a more difficult one, it can take months or more, but it's a much better option than psychotherapy.

Soon, these complementary healing modalities will be the first line of treatment for health conditions, rather than the last.

The one downside of energy healing is that it is not yet considered a valid treatment, so most healthcare companies won't cover the cost. We have to pay out of our pocket. BUT - it's so powerful and effective that it often only takes one or couple of sessions to completely and permanently cure the patient, so it winds up being more cost effective and we get our life back so much sooner and don't need our old-fashioned health care.

Give me a few hours to get the blog post up and then check it out at www.ChampionWellnessSource.com

I wish you well.

 

[jamesdean]

Hi colourblind I'm nearly 50 years old n I'm just learning one step at a time try not to look at the bigger picture but break it down, if you are frightened of the sleepers just take a half each night see if that helps it might do
Dont look at spirituality has such a crazy event take it alittle bit at a time at your pace thats whot I have been doing during my christian journey n believe me I worshipped satan in 1994/5 when things were really bad when I went completely radio rentals in the january,I had the vicar come out to me who said that the devil had done to much work in my life,it has to be on your terms.The da support group is a start n find someother stuff that you could get involved with it doesnt haveto be work based gentle stuff join a gym perhaps,little n often perhaps.

I'm talking from experience because I have been trying to beat this mh thing for 40 years n I do believe I'mon the right tracks now it might not be for everyone but believe there isnt much that I havent tried in my life"new age" etc.

My ideas might not be your ideas I'm just kinding telling you whots working for me right now I guess really.Take care regards JD

 

[colourblind]

Hello everyone and thanks so much for your words of support.

Moods still up and down but very much still on the floor at the moment. It just feels like everythings been a bit too much of an uphill battle for too may months now.

I should explain a bit more about my situation.

I see a psychotherapist and am very lucky enough to be able to do this twice a week. Its all due to change as I had funding/money for that for the past two years, now its cut to one session a week. It is fair to say I feel my survival revolves around me being able to see my psychotherapist. Its like the only place I really am able to breathe, only place I really feel I exist. When that stops I worry the celing will fall down. I worry about how I will cope, I know already things feel on the edge, I am trying not to think about how they could be in a few weeks time. I get so many ideas flash into my head, running/jumping infront of fast moving ...things, taking an OD, I try to ignore them, I don't really want to talk about them, with anyone, I feel embarassed for having them. I have had so much help and things in my life, I feel like I am wasting everyones time and energy, voicing anything is just wrong on so many levels. Yet the ideas still come rolling in.

I used to have both anorexia and bulimia. I now have apparently whats called exercise bulimia, I exercise obsessivly and have gotten it down by abour 30% but its not something I enjoy. I loath exercise, I hate being covered in sweat and I hate the feeling that nothing I do is enough. I like the fact that I can do x,y and z because when I began the gym I was unable to run faster then 7km/h for more then 3 mins, now I walk at that pace and run at 12km/h (tendonitis stops me running for as long as I'd like to but I have been able to run for 1.5 hours in the past) I spend hours in the gym every week, all cardio, if I don't feel the pain/sweat and dread I am not working hard enough etc etc...so as far as exercise goes, I am definetly doing something and getting the recommeneded amount....at the cost of everything else in my life no longer being there (I don't socialise, I don't have holidays, I would never eat out and woe betide the person/vehicle or systematic error that prevents me from going to the gym- gym rage on a scary level!)

I do some voluntary work each week. 2 days. Its my effort to try to implement more in my life. I feel very useless and this does not help my low moods. But I don't feel I have any real point, it all feels like I may as well not be there. I feel like a waste of time. Its not that I want someone sitting next to me saying "bl**dy fantastic!" to everything I do- I think the self esteem issues come from within me. But I do have to bypass that inorder to get anything done, sort of psyche myself up to get anything done. Then I leave and ....it all comes falling back down on me. Not good. Then the nights become darker and feel more iscolating. I feel less able to cope, I just feel so trapped in this.

I am not sure what to tell myself, because I can't really see a light at the end of the tunnel. I can't really see a way things can become better because I can't see how this mood ever will lift. I can't see how to regulate my sleep so I can take on a proper job and really help people and I can't see how there is any point in my existance.

Sorry to sound so negative. I'd be lying if I missed any of that out. I just feel like I'm hanging on by the skin of my teeth and theres this little voice in my head saying "why are you hanging on?" at the moment I'd say I keep going so I can go back to my therapist, get my support, talk, not feel so alone. But when things change....I'm just about hangng on now. I guess I'm just really scared.