C
colourblind
Member
I don't often post on here, I'm a newbie but just wondered if anyone has any help or advice at all.
Things just feel quite hard right now, aside from my life feeling pointless, going nowhere (trying to avoid the "downhill" term and think posative) I'm just finding everything getting on top of me, the nights feel endless and are so hard, I can't sleep. Ive got some sleeping pills but am wary of becoming too dependant on them (I was warned they are addictive) I am scared of trying to sleep, something about the dark and the lonliness and things just feel ten times worse. Then I seem to end up existing on a few hours of broken sleep each night. I rarely get more then 5 which I know is not enough and makes it harder (emotionally) the next night.
Things feel hard right now for several reasons, I see a psychotherapist and things there are changing, having fewer sessions scares the hell out of me but I don't have enough money to pay to see her as much as I'd like/as I'd need.
I think thats a main issue, plus theres stuff which I feel I hold onto between sessions, it makes everything so much more bearable to have the sessions I do, now they reduce it feels impossible to cope. I don't feel like I can cope.
I feel suffocated, trapped, I don't feel like I can get my head around this. I keep fiding my mind thinking of an "easy way out". I worry about thinking that as each time I think about it, it feels slightly more plausable. What once disgusted and embarassed me to think about now seems almost normal and that scares me. I mean I know the right "port of calls" to make, (get medical help etc) but when I feel that low its hard to make that choice. I get low quite often yet somehow make it through to the next day, however the nights I feel like I can't cope seem to be more common place at the moment and I am not sure how much longer I can keep going through this night after night. Its like I'm waiting for something small to tip me over the edge, give me an excuse.
I'm not sure what to do, what to try, I guess I'm not seeing things clearly, things feel pretty dark right now. I guess I just want an easy solution when there is not one. I guess any sort of light at the end of the tunnel would also be great. But I don't think there is one. I can't seem to think my way out of this one and it just goes on and on...at the moment I have support that just about gets me through, I am so scared that when things change the things I hang on to at 3am, 4am, 5am.... will no longer be there.
I don't know what to do.
Things just feel quite hard right now, aside from my life feeling pointless, going nowhere (trying to avoid the "downhill" term and think posative) I'm just finding everything getting on top of me, the nights feel endless and are so hard, I can't sleep. Ive got some sleeping pills but am wary of becoming too dependant on them (I was warned they are addictive) I am scared of trying to sleep, something about the dark and the lonliness and things just feel ten times worse. Then I seem to end up existing on a few hours of broken sleep each night. I rarely get more then 5 which I know is not enough and makes it harder (emotionally) the next night.
Things feel hard right now for several reasons, I see a psychotherapist and things there are changing, having fewer sessions scares the hell out of me but I don't have enough money to pay to see her as much as I'd like/as I'd need.
I think thats a main issue, plus theres stuff which I feel I hold onto between sessions, it makes everything so much more bearable to have the sessions I do, now they reduce it feels impossible to cope. I don't feel like I can cope.
I feel suffocated, trapped, I don't feel like I can get my head around this. I keep fiding my mind thinking of an "easy way out". I worry about thinking that as each time I think about it, it feels slightly more plausable. What once disgusted and embarassed me to think about now seems almost normal and that scares me. I mean I know the right "port of calls" to make, (get medical help etc) but when I feel that low its hard to make that choice. I get low quite often yet somehow make it through to the next day, however the nights I feel like I can't cope seem to be more common place at the moment and I am not sure how much longer I can keep going through this night after night. Its like I'm waiting for something small to tip me over the edge, give me an excuse.
I'm not sure what to do, what to try, I guess I'm not seeing things clearly, things feel pretty dark right now. I guess I just want an easy solution when there is not one. I guess any sort of light at the end of the tunnel would also be great. But I don't think there is one. I can't seem to think my way out of this one and it just goes on and on...at the moment I have support that just about gets me through, I am so scared that when things change the things I hang on to at 3am, 4am, 5am.... will no longer be there.
I don't know what to do.