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Not sure how to change??

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e_lo95

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Feb 8, 2016
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I have never been a very sociable person but lately i feel like its getting a bit out of control. I am currently studying at university and i had hopes before i came that it would help me get out of my own bubble and make loads of friends and gain confidence etc. And i have to a certain extent, i even studied abroad for 5 months which i never would have done before, however now that i am in my final year i am feeling a little hopeless. As soon as i came back everything kind of hit me, stress, anxiety the lot and ive just been feeling really down. I find it difficult to talk and act socially even with my two closest friends, things always feel a little awkward i always used to be asked to go to things with people but i have found that now people tend not to ask or even want my opinion on many things and i feel this is my fault for not being approachable maybe? maybe they feel like i would say no anyway so there is no point? therefore i have found that i tend to avoid a lot of social situations now due to my own insecurities, usually being not sure how to talk with people properly or ask the right questions so i tend to stay silent but then i fret that other people think i am boring, unsociable and i guess i am but not intentionally i just dont know how to change that and go back to being my more sociable self. I have always been a worrier and i guess quite a serious person but i also knew how to have a laugh and enjoyed going out and doing things with people even if i did like space to myself as well but now i always prefer to spend time alone than being with other people. I worry that this wont improve before i leave uni and that this wont help me get jobs once i leave, they want confident people and at the minute i am not that at all.

Even though i have close friends i have never been the type of person to talk about all my issues with them or problems, i tend to keep personal things to myself and so i have never opened myself up enough to a person to even have a boyfriend. I have never had a serious boyfriend which is really embarrassing i will turning 21 soon and i feel like this is just another thing to add to my long list of insecurities. Its not from a lack of wanting but more not knowing how to express myself enough for someone to like me or ask me out as i would never have the confidence to do that myself. I look at my friends in relationships and feel jealous that i dont have that closeness as i like to be alone but dont want to be lonely. I also think that now trying to get into a relationship with someone would only make things worse because i dont know how to be intimate or close with someone and would feel embarrassed if i had to admit that to the person i was with, i feel that even though im still young i have left things too late to try and be that way with someone without being ridiculed. So instead push people away i talk to people but dont get close with them and always give the excuse that i am focussing on my education and want to get a good job and move away from my home life i dont have time for a boyfriend, which is partly true. I could just really do with some advice on how i can come out of this social anxiety funk i am in or maybe someone who relates to my situation could provide some perspective. Thanks for reading guys!
 

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