not special to (almost) anyone

K

knits irk

New member
Joined
Jun 4, 2016
Messages
1
#1
I have a spouse and children who love me, which makes me luckier than many. However, my kids are grown, and my spouse can't (and shouldn't) be my whole world.

I'm one of those people who doesn't make friends easily. Most people don't actively dislike or avoid me. I'm not particularly off-putting, I don't have annoying habits, I'm reasonably attractive and friendly.I have a lot of people who think I'm perfectly fine, don't mind spending time with me, etc., but nobody seems to particularly seek out my company or miss me when I'm not around.

My best friend, who loved me and made it clear that she wanted to spend time with me and valued me, died a few years ago. Now I have a spouse, other family members, and acquaintances, and a big hole where my friend used to be. Most of the time I'm okay with this. Sometimes I think I need to find a new friend, but that's just not the way I'm wired, and it's hard to make new close friends when you're middle aged.

A lot of my acquaintances are from work. I left my job of 15 years today, and most of my work friends acknowledged my leaving and said things like they would miss me so much, etc., but clearly they aren't terribly concerned one way or another about my leaving. There wasn't any kind of gathering for my last day, notes, etc., other than a token gift card that a couple of people contributed to.

I often imagine what my life would be like if my spouse predeceased me--I think I'd end up a hermit of some kind. I'm not mean or unpleasant or off-putting in any way. I just don't seem to be special to anyone outside of my immediate family. And I really, really miss my best friend who loved me.

Just feeling sorry for myself, I guess.
 
H

habefun

Active member
Joined
Apr 3, 2016
Messages
42
#2
Out of a few close relationships, we aren't special to most of the people. The ones you see who are really popular and liked are treated this way only because people seem to have a good time in their presence (like having a good laugh,etc).

Anybody would deal to live without anyone with time (your wife predeceasing you, god forbid, is not what i am talking about here) the angle is your colleagues seeming to do just fine with the idea of you quitting your job.

No matter what the religious texts say or whatever the ideal thing might be, there is always a conscious or unconscious motive for a human to like another, from sexual, to good company, to psychological support etc.

Pursue your hobbies or inculcate new ones, go to the gym, do stuff, enjoy yourself.

Touchwood, I do really well in my worklife due to which a very few people get along and like me, the others simply despise me. I ofcourse felt hurt and stuff initially but then started to take it to my liking.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and this might sound inhuman but inculcate something in you that would let your boat sail solo when the time comes.

Go talk to a psychologist about it if its very hard to shake it off. Go check if this phase might be planting a seed of depression in you. If that's the case it might be nice to uproot it in its initial stage.

Come back here and talk it out with us, would be happy to talk about it. :)
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
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Jan 4, 2013
Messages
9,380
Location
England
#3
Hi,
Sorry about the loss of your friend. Please join some groups locally, it will give you an interest and the opportunity to make new friends.
I hope things improve.
Take care
 
C

cloudy9

Guest
#4
Hey knits ikr. Aw, sorry about your friend. Yeah, that's rough. And I'm sorry life hasn't turned out the way you hoped. I can relate in my own way.

Take good care.
 
C

cloudy9

Guest
#5
I just wanted to say, vodafone actually disconnected my prepay sim card because I hadn't topped up in a year - I hardly used it. That gives you an indication of how special I am to people, too. We are the same.
 
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