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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Not quite sure where to post this - Just after some outsider opinions.

J

J86

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Joined
May 24, 2010
Messages
2
I have so many issues and whatnot I don't know where to start.

I feel so lost and have no idea where to go from here!

Well I am a 23 yr old female and I have been having problems in my life, things are getting harder and I'm wondering if I could possibly have some sort of mental illness or if it just my life reflecting on who I am today.

Growing up I saw a lot. I saw my dad try and kill my mum when he was drunk. I saw my parents acting like idiots, driving drunk with me in the car and I just remember being scared a lot. I think they were alcoholics. Well my dad still doesn't go a day without drinking. I started drinking when I was 14. It was fun I thought. I ended up doing 1000's of things I regret.

I lost my mum to cancer when I was 16. My dad turned on me and we did not communicate for a long time. I came home from work one night, to see the whole house empty. He had moved out. He told me I was not welcome to live with him & my brother anymore.

I was gutted. I somehow managed to get a unit to rent with some good references and turned to alcohol. I ended up losing my job cos I was always hungover. Nothing mattered but getting drunk nearly every day.
I ended up meeting a drop kick, and moved in with him after I was evicted for my parting ways.
Fast forward a year & I'm pregnant to him. He was abusive physically & emotionally, pretty much from day one. I felt lost and had no where else to go so I stayed.

Just before my daughters 1st birthday I left him. Best thing I ever did. I had to, for my daughters sake.
My daughters dad still didn't leave me be. He would break into my house and assault any male I had contact with. There was trips to court and always drama. I dated a guy for 3 months and my ex ended up putting his teeth through his lips and yeah, it didn't work out.

Fast forward to 9 months ago. I met the love of my life. He has stuck by me with all the ex's crap, and only recently the ex was served with a DVO and can't come near me! It has been very hard and stressing on our relationship though.

I now find myself very sad and lonely when my partner isn't around. I thought this was normal, but my partner says it isn't. He goes home (1hr away) to be with his family, meanwhile I am here alone with my daughter. Of course I just want him to be here all the time, and have my happy little family but I know he isn't ready for that and I accept that. I am made to feel awful for wanting him around. I have been accused of being controlling and he felt under the thumb. Do I have some sort of issue about being left?

We have been a bit rocky lately. He ended up breaking up with me in the heat of an argument.
He then came to me and said he wanted us to work. I was over the moon.
We planned a night out, this weekend just gone to go drinking. Something we haven't done for 7 months.
I have had jealousy issues with him and other women, but have been working on it.

Well at the night club, his ex's sister was there. I was friendly and whatnot, until I saw them dance a little together. Being drunk and a jealous women, I couldn't help but get pissed off and I stormed out for a breather. After that she came up and abused me for linking arms with a male friend of my partners. This sent me over the edge and I was so angry this women was interfering with my relationship. We fought all the way home from the club, and i ended up slapping him in the face cos I felt like he was defending her. Well he ended up packing up all his stuff and ringing his father to pick him up, claiming I'm a psychopath. I lost it and grabbed a knife and sliced my arm 3 times. I want to know if this was just the alcohol or could I have a problem?

I have scars on my arms from cutting my arm up, while being abused my my daughters father a few years ago, under the influence of alcohol. I don't imagine doing it sober. It's like I am not me anymore, when I am drunk. I have now "quit" drinking permanently, even though I didn't drink often before. I just can't control myself.
I was thinking maybe I have underlying issues that only come out when I am drunk? I just have no idea.

We have sorted things out now, but I don't feel stable in life at all & I'm so scared of everything turning to shit. I am sick of feeling sad and worried about things every day. I just want to be happy 23 year old and enjoy living :(
 
Last edited:
pinkprincess

pinkprincess

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Joined
May 3, 2010
Messages
85
Location
East Yorkshire
Hi hun,
You have had a really hard time of things and I woud really advise you to go and see your GP. For you and your daughter xx
 
schiz01

schiz01

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Joined
Jul 16, 2009
Messages
721
Location
Australia
Sounds like you have had one hell of a time/life
Its an all to common story and there is help out there if you are willing to seek it out.
Staying away from the alcohol is a good move and you have done the right thing there.
Going to a GP is the first point of call in most cases in order to get a referral to a psychologist.No need to go into great detail about your problems with the GP ...save that for when you see the psychologist.
Another option would be to attend an AA meeting if there are any in your area.Even though you have stopped drinking you have obviously not been able to deal with underlying issues behind your drinking.AA can help you with this.
If AA is not for you then maybe a drug and alcohol counselor may be of help.
The key point is to find someone that your comfortable with so that you can talk/work your way through your problems with them.
 
B

Blondie

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Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
396
Location
Lancashire
They say history repeats itself.You grew up around alcohol and suffered loss and rejection so young.No wonder you may come across as 'clingy' or paranoid in relationships!!You owe it to your daughter to get some help and get better hun.Break the cycle,or your daughter will learn life from you,as you did from mum and dad.
 
J

J86

New member
Joined
May 24, 2010
Messages
2
Thanks everyone.
Even though I feel better at the moment, I will go see someone.
 
Angels

Angels

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Joined
May 29, 2010
Messages
2,461
Location
Oblivion
Ive never met a woman that does not have jelousy issues over their men. i think its normal. but my theory is that if you have low self confidence then your more likely to feel that 'extra' jelousy. its like feeling threatened. Were women, we are ment to over react sometimes. but if you think that its not the normal you, then talk about it.
You have been through alot. i can relate about the parents part. i know how it feels.
i've had several moments where i just get overwhelmed and have to take it out on myself. but then the next day could be the best day i've ever had!
i find distraction is the easiest way to overcome the emotions. (i know its easyer said than done)
You can live your life normally! Talk to a therapist or even a close friend (however i could never trust my friends so maybe, or maybe not.) give yourself something to look foward too, where you know you wont be able to worry or feel scared!

All the best wishes
- Hannah xx
 
ally41

ally41

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Joined
May 21, 2010
Messages
788
Location
UK
There's no way anyone could go through what you've been through and not be affected. Get some help now and change the cycle of abuse and neglect so that you can be happy and don't pass it on to your daughter. I waited too long before I got help and my daughter is going to have problems of her own now which I will regret forever. Don't wait a minute longer, go to your GP, tell them everything you've told us and demand some long term therapy. You might have to wait a while for it, but it will the best thing you'll ever do for yourself and your daughter. I wish you all the very best xx
 

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