not posted for a little while

J

jelly bean

Guest
#1
Sorry not posted for a while. I had a real bad time as was talking loads about the abuse I suffered and the baby I once lost. A couple of weeks ago I attacked the person that abused me, I wanted him to feel some of my pain, feel some of the suffering I feel, to be hurt like I was. Anyway after I attacked him I went into hiding. I stayed in my room for about a week. I put my bed against the door and my wordrobe against the window. I only left my room the once in that week and was in a bad way. I was hearing voices and could not trust anyone. The voices are still there and are very strong.
 
B

baby_dolly_face

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Joined
Jan 9, 2011
Messages
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Location
Cornwall
#2
Sweetie
It is so good to hear from you finally. I have thought of u often over the last couple of weeks. It's great that you have come back to post :)

I PM'd you. Look forward to a reply if youre up to it but no pressure
xxx
 
R

Robbert

Guest
#3
Sorry you're hearing voices Jelly Bean..that's shit.

Don't know what to suggest - things often improve as circumstances / stress / sleep..improves, but as for anything that has a particular affect against voices, I just don't know (and no, anti-psychotics are often inadequate / overloaded with dreadful side effects). If I knew, I'd bottle it, and sell it.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

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#4
I'm sorry you have been feeling so badly, Jelly Bean. Are you getting any help right now?

Hugs,
Spunky
 
calypso

calypso

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Messages
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#5
hey Jelly Bean

Are you still with your friend? I am glad you feel well enough to talk on here. Has your friend got you to a pdoc yet? No more barricading yoruself in !! I will nage you if that happens again honey. We are all here for you. xxx
 
J

jelly bean

Guest
#6
No one will help
me undress these
suicidal wrappings,
so I'll continue to
suffer beneath it all.

Thoughts of a better
life torment my mind;
would it be better if
I didn't breathe any longer?
My death would equal happiness.

But, oh God,
I don't want to die.

...But I don't want to live.

I don't want to have
to continue on with
this loneliness that
cripples me so.

It exhausts me to
have to think these
contemplations through;
I'm too tired to make
them stop.

I can't sleep this itching
thought away;
I'll go to bed with bleeding
legs and hope tomorrow
will be another day.
 
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J

jelly bean

Guest
#7
this was a poem I wrote while in my room for that week. I was not sure if I wanted to share it but finally decided to share it here with you all.
 
Gledge

Gledge

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Joined
Mar 11, 2011
Messages
695
#8
Thanks for sharing that Jelly Bean. Reminds me of when I isolate myself in my room for days and fall prey to my own thoughts. You don't want to die, you just forget/ don't see how to live in a way that you don't feel miserable. You keep bombarding yourself with these thoughts that it gets so tiring. You sum it up very well.

One thing i know I need to learn is that when I catch myself like that, I need to accept that the answer can't be found within my own thoughts. I need to get out and talk to someone before it gets too tight a hold of me.
 
T

TOONAFISH

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Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
2,686
Location
Bonnie Scotland
#9
hi jellybean, sorry you are feeling so rubbish. sending a huge hug to you and hoping you feel a wee bit better xx:hug:
 
B

becky1989

Guest
#11
Hi Jelly Bean

I'm not back on here. Just popped online to grab some notes from my journal. Damn, please don't think I am coming back becuase I am not. Sorry I couldn't text you anymore last night, no more credit on my phone. Anyway please if you can please talk to Calypso or Doll Face if you need some support. I hope things are well for you.