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not posted for a little while

J

jelly bean

Guest
Sorry not posted for a while. I had a real bad time as was talking loads about the abuse I suffered and the baby I once lost. A couple of weeks ago I attacked the person that abused me, I wanted him to feel some of my pain, feel some of the suffering I feel, to be hurt like I was. Anyway after I attacked him I went into hiding. I stayed in my room for about a week. I put my bed against the door and my wordrobe against the window. I only left my room the once in that week and was in a bad way. I was hearing voices and could not trust anyone. The voices are still there and are very strong.
 
B

baby_dolly_face

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 9, 2011
Messages
1,798
Location
Cornwall
Sweetie
It is so good to hear from you finally. I have thought of u often over the last couple of weeks. It's great that you have come back to post :)

I PM'd you. Look forward to a reply if youre up to it but no pressure
xxx
 
R

Robbert

Guest
Sorry you're hearing voices Jelly Bean..that's shit.

Don't know what to suggest - things often improve as circumstances / stress / sleep..improves, but as for anything that has a particular affect against voices, I just don't know (and no, anti-psychotics are often inadequate / overloaded with dreadful side effects). If I knew, I'd bottle it, and sell it.
 
prairiechick

prairiechick

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jul 28, 2010
Messages
6,207
Location
Out of Context
I'm sorry you have been feeling so badly, Jelly Bean. Are you getting any help right now?

Hugs,
Spunky
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
43,441
Location
Lancashire
hey Jelly Bean

Are you still with your friend? I am glad you feel well enough to talk on here. Has your friend got you to a pdoc yet? No more barricading yoruself in !! I will nage you if that happens again honey. We are all here for you. xxx
 
J

jelly bean

Guest
No one will help
me undress these
suicidal wrappings,
so I'll continue to
suffer beneath it all.

Thoughts of a better
life torment my mind;
would it be better if
I didn't breathe any longer?
My death would equal happiness.

But, oh God,
I don't want to die.

...But I don't want to live.

I don't want to have
to continue on with
this loneliness that
cripples me so.

It exhausts me to
have to think these
contemplations through;
I'm too tired to make
them stop.

I can't sleep this itching
thought away;
I'll go to bed with bleeding
legs and hope tomorrow
will be another day.
 
Last edited:
J

jelly bean

Guest
this was a poem I wrote while in my room for that week. I was not sure if I wanted to share it but finally decided to share it here with you all.
 
Gledge

Gledge

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 11, 2011
Messages
695
Thanks for sharing that Jelly Bean. Reminds me of when I isolate myself in my room for days and fall prey to my own thoughts. You don't want to die, you just forget/ don't see how to live in a way that you don't feel miserable. You keep bombarding yourself with these thoughts that it gets so tiring. You sum it up very well.

One thing i know I need to learn is that when I catch myself like that, I need to accept that the answer can't be found within my own thoughts. I need to get out and talk to someone before it gets too tight a hold of me.
 
T

TOONAFISH

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 23, 2008
Messages
2,686
Location
Bonnie Scotland
hi jellybean, sorry you are feeling so rubbish. sending a huge hug to you and hoping you feel a wee bit better xx:hug:
 
B

becky1989

Guest
Hi Jelly Bean

I'm not back on here. Just popped online to grab some notes from my journal. Damn, please don't think I am coming back becuase I am not. Sorry I couldn't text you anymore last night, no more credit on my phone. Anyway please if you can please talk to Calypso or Doll Face if you need some support. I hope things are well for you.
 
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