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Not good!

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white-witch

Well-known member
Joined
May 24, 2009
Messages
1,147
Location
Dark side of the moon
I now have Christmas presents for a 3 month + baby in a pop-up frog box in the little bedroom next to the baby bundle in a basket from birth to 6 months and 'My first teddy bear' in a box. I felt guilty not to buy the Christmas presents when I have a baby grandson. Even though I have not seen him and probably never will. I know I cannot carry on buying presents for a grandson I may never see, for b/days and Christmases, but for now I just feel I need to.

I have said to my son to give it 6 months to see how we both feel after receiving the e-mail in which he said he did not wish to reconnect with me, but thought his son should meet his grandma, but that he had to 'protect his family'. I could not meet my new baby grandson if my son and his partner were going to make me feel uncomfortable in my own home. Plus, I could not talk to the baby like I would want to, under those circumstances either.

I do not know if I can forgive what my son has done to me with his lying, stealing, general emotional abuse and then to top it all, ringing my MH team when I had been angry in e-mails towards him when I found out he was being even more deceptive. I know the call to the MH team was malicious and that hurt most of all. Until he wrote he had to 'protect his family' in the last e-mail I received off him.

That he is using my illness to control, insult and hurt me is beyond painful. I have been in remission for quite a few years now, at least 8 years. I have had no sign of psychosis in that time. What I said in the e-mails I still feel. I was furiously angry and I said so. That is me. That is what I do. I verbalise or in this case write my anger out. It is nothing to do with the fact that I have bipolar and everything to do with the fact that I have the right to be fucking angry the same as everyone does.

My son, although he use to say he understood bipolar, never really did. Add my ex husband to the situation and everything will move even further away from the truth. They neither of them understand the difference between psychosis and psychopath. It is the psycho part once more I fear. So now my son has suggested that I may harm his baby? I can think of nothing more hurtful or destructive that he could write to me.

No-one needs protecting from me because my anger is always only verbal. My son knows that and yet he is manipulating what he knows to be the truth and using it against me to try to hurt me. Well, he really succeeded this time. It appears that he almost hates me since I called him out on some of the things I felt he had been less than honest about.

So my son hates me and thinks I have the potential to hurt my grandchild. I have not seen my grandson since he was born in August. I feel really not well physically and now mentally, although it could be the side effects of some of my pain meds. I have to go for a brain scan in a few weeks, to rule anything else out. I doubt it is anything if they are leaving it a few weeks. This feeling though is close to how I feel when mentally ill so it is hard to know which it is.

I have thought more about suicide since I got my sons last e-mail than I have for a very long time. That was the end of August. I have not had any good days since then and a few people have remarked on how I seem different. Less bubbly and talkative. I go days without washing or getting dressed. I do not want to see people or talk to people. I do wonder what it is all about once more.

I do not come on for ages and then here I am, with a pocket full of woes, once more!

Needed to vent. Thanks for reading.

Take care x
 
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FallenAngel2

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 8, 2014
Messages
366
Just wow!

I cannot believe someone's own flesh and blood would do this to their own mother. I am just stunned. I am so sorry you are going through this. I really don't know what else to say without getting angry at your son.

I wish you well and I hope you can get something good from this.

:hug:
 
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white-witch

Well-known member
Joined
May 24, 2009
Messages
1,147
Location
Dark side of the moon
There is a photo of my baby grandson up on my sons partners page. I saved the image and I have had a real good look at him and he looks identical to what my son did at that age. I sort of gasped when I saw the photo and felt I wanted to take him out of the picture and into my arms because he looks so like his dad at that age I am shocked.

I also have a little concern that the baby may have the same problems with the skin around his eyes that my son had. I am not sure but it does look like it to me. He does have a very wide bridge to his nose and no real definition there. I hope I am worng and it is just the way the camera caught him for that shot. I can do nothing though.

I am so lost I do not know what I am going to do. I try to think of the whole sorry mess and to resolve it in my head and all that happens is I remember what my sons done. I then think I cannot forgive him. He needs to change his attitude and I fear he cannot do that. He put on that last e-mail 'I am sorry if I have left you hurt but this is the way I feel. Maybe time will heal that'. Its me that is the one who had all the stuff done to them. I should be the one writing that crap about maybe time healing the way I feel. I did not though I took a text and thought it meant more than it did. I let down my guard once again and he came back at me with all that nasty arrogance.

I don't know. I have spent more time in bed than out of it just lately or I am on here reading anything and everything to keep my thoughts away from personal stuff. I am going to my eldest sons for Christmas day and we are having a buffet, which he is doing, and than we are going to watch films and pig out on chocolates. I had to remind him I no longer eat meat but do eat fish. He said 'no problem' and I have no to do anything but go there for 1pm.

I wish everyone a merry Christmas and if feeling crap that that feeling lifts some over Christmas ready for the New Year 2015.

Take care xxx
 
T

Topcat

Guest
I'm so sorry you're going through all this Bel, it's NOT fair. It's immature and vindictive. I don't understand why some people have to be like that.
It's not like you are trying to move in with them and be around 24/7
What's a day here or there, surely not that hard to let things go enough to manage that?
I hope they see sense soon.
I don't know what would help. Maybe if he's willing to use mediation services, family counselling or something?
Take care sweet
Xxxx

(I take it your younger son won't listen to his big brother either if he tried to help? Wish things were different xxxx)
 
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Polar Bear

Guest
I've had many fall outs with family and friends but my mum for all her faults I would never severe ties with. Never. No matter what she says to me or what I say to her will ever break that bond. I'm horrified that your son would prevent you having a relationship with your grandchild. I have moved and changed numbers so my dad cannot have contact with me or my daughter but my mum I would never leave because she loved and raised me. My dad did not. He for my whole life was full of hate and criticism. I'm certain you have done very little to deserve this treatment. You always come across as so rational and decent and good. I don't know why that son has such a problem. Is it stigma?
 
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white-witch

Well-known member
Joined
May 24, 2009
Messages
1,147
Location
Dark side of the moon
Polar Bear,

My son had not had contact with his father for approx 15 years before he regained contact in 2010. This was due to my sons 1/2 sister contacting him when she was old enough to and she then asked him to meet with his dad. He did and it is since then that the he has changed. He also met his new partner in that year.

I am not perfect and I am maybe a good distance from it but I never set out to hurt anyone. When my dad died in 2012 that was when my son just showed his true colours. I expected he would show at least some concern towards me but instead he emotionally abused me. He should no consideration for the grief I was feeling. My sons had not had contact or seen my dad for many years due to our 'unstable family life' or so that is the reason my youngest son told me. I t was just to add more blame to me having bipolar.

My mam was really not good to be around when I was a child and I think she must have had issues with her mental health. We got on a lot better when I was older. I kind of figured out some of the stuff she had gone through with the change of life and my dad not being around, due to him being at sea. So I accepted what was past was past and we would sometimes have a good r/ship and some not so good times. I always respected my mam though and it seems my son does not have much , if any, respect for me. I feel that is due to the bipolar.

Thank you for replying.

Take care xxx
 
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white-witch

Well-known member
Joined
May 24, 2009
Messages
1,147
Location
Dark side of the moon
Hi Topcat,


I feel since my dad died that I have been in turmoil due to my sons behaviour and the emotional abuse. They live 230 miles away so I would not be in and out all the time or turning up unannounced.

I guess he would not be into any type of counselling or mediation. If you heard him talk it is all my fault and he is just a victim of my MH issues. I have not done anything since 2005 that could be called 'strange' yet he implies that about me in front of his partner and makes me feel embarrassed.

My eldest son will not talk to him after my youngest justified having a r/ship with his dad again by saying they both exaggerated the neglect and abuse that had gone on. My eldest was furious and told him to stay away from him. It is sad that they have no contact but my youngest had been causing some annoyance for sometime with my eldest also.

I will have to think carefully my next step. I could not now contact him for I know he will just carry on the same and I am not strong enough to take that any more. Mentally I feel delicate and I have to protect myself anyway I can.

We will see,something will change,it always does.

Take care xxx
 
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