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not getting better

M

mollie0398

New member
Joined
Jul 18, 2019
Messages
2
Location
edinburgh
I keep thinking that the cycle is broken and that one day i will wake up and be better, but (shocker) it never happens. I find myself spiraling into that person that i hate to be and i feel that at any minute someone is going to run up to me and pull the mask off and reveal the evil person that i truly am. I just can't shake the feeling of being dirty and worthless.

I feel like i am living solely off external validation and it is draining me

i dont know what to do
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,209
Location
Nowhere
I think these beliefs are like a programming in our minds
that give us a lack of confidence

if you turn it around you get

I love myself, I am a good person, not perfect but good enough,
I deserve love,

try telling yourself things like that

:love:
 
C

change

Active member
Joined
Jan 15, 2019
Messages
39
I relate so much to the title of this thread.

'Not getting better'... Very briefly:

Seven years ago I started having flashbacks. Childhood traumas. I diligently took all the 'expert' advice. I went to therapy, still take meds, quit drinking, I put in as much effort as I could.

But I relate to the title of your post because All Of The Things that were promised or implied to lay at the end of all the therapy just didn't come to be.

I thought I'd be better 'functioning'. Because, that's the thing that gets me down the most about my c-ptsd is how low-functioning I am.

For a brief bit I even believed that my mental health was deteriorating. Like, not only is it 'not getting better', but it may actually be getting worse...

But sitting here at the end of the day, at the beginning of the weekend, with a belly full of take-out, I do have to say that I feel a lot better. I can't measure my progress myself when it comes to my own mental illness, but I must say, I'm not homeless anymore, I'm comfortable and dry, and it's suppose to storm it's butt off outside. I do tend to struggle more than most when it comes to things that most people don't think twice about, but I value so much more than most all the simple, little things that make my life so wonderful today.

I had So Much to eat just now. I feel that my quality of life has improved dramatically, even if the quality of my emotional experience is poor, and may always be. I'm here, I've survived.

People like to say 'life is what you make it'. But, honestly, I don't really experience contentment until I quit trying to make it anything.

God bless! Good luck!
 
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