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Not Free to Insults Others in My Mind (without consequence)

J

jonnyc55

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 22, 2019
Messages
56
Location
UK
In terms of my recovery, I have a big bump to get over and that is not being scared or feeling restricted with wanting to insult others in my mind. I feel others feel my negative feelings or thoughts towards them and then if they do get round to talking to me or looking at me, they will either give me bad looks or say something as if they acknowledged what I felt and said.

This hyper telepathy realm that connects us all is driving me mad, I feel I have to obey in my mind! I don't want to, I want to be an asshole internally if I want to be with zero consequence. People talk of the thought police in the future but we already have it right now, with everyone being the thought police. It drives me nuts.

My recovery is getting somewhere but not fast enough in certain areas such as this one.

I smoked a lot of cannabis back in 2014 and like this article:
Strong street cannabis 'psychosis danger'
It plagued my life for about ten years after that. I couldn't function, and I was in and out of hospital ten times.
I fear this could be me, the recovery being extremely slow. I've already elapsed 4 years since my cannabis days.

It all feels real. I feel I have to find my place in the telepathic network that is harmonic to everyone which ironically makes it even more real and restrictive.

I also feel like I can hear others judge me and criticize me.

People would say think positive, but that ignores the truth on the other side; when you are positive others tend to be more bearable towards my mind. When I am negative - I too feel their negative friction on myself. People act like a mirror, they reflect your mind. Self positivity makes the telepathy seem more smooth less noticeable but the reality is, the mechanic of others knowing your mind is still there.
Being 'positive' is ignoring a truth and reality inside of me that I know isn't all positive. That is how it feels for me.
 
L

linus

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 27, 2019
Messages
608
Location
Eastern Europe
How did you get to the point that somebody else can read your mind? Is it possible that the human mind play "tricks" on ourselves?
 
J

jonnyc55

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 22, 2019
Messages
56
Location
UK
How did you get to the point that somebody else can read your mind? Is it possible that the human mind play "tricks" on ourselves?
I believe cannabis amplified the idea that my mind and others mind were connected through the TV.
I once tried making a live TV person trip up their words and I felt like it was happening, eventually I spent the whole year of 2014 high and talking to humans that were from a star system called Sirius. They were infact normal people from Earth.

I believe, cannabis, conspiracy's and my own highly natural creative self became a bad mix of continuous self-fulfilling prophecies that to this day is always re-inventing itself.

I try very hard now to realise that my self even before the psychosis is always changing. Nothing is ever unchanging. We all change, our identifiable self belongs to many fragments.

We are naturally fragmented. I don't know, my mind is so broken at times. That I believe my brain is shattered forever. So I always end up gaining new perspectives everyday. It is tiring.

I try my best to tackle problems how I most naturally want to tackle them, rather than a 'idea' I gained from the internet, doctor, someone's opinion etc.

I am on my own with this problem. I am my own solution. The eye strain is also pissing me off.

To tip it off the physical manifestations such as tension, pain and strain work there way into the mental delusions as if they are a symptom of telepathy or some crap.
I'm bored of myself.

Nothing feels certain. What feels like relief quickly turns into another form of agony. Life is relentless.

It's possible our mind plays tricks on us. Yeah. I have felt that at times.
 
L

linus

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 27, 2019
Messages
608
Location
Eastern Europe
I think you are right about cannabis, I can see at first hand its effects on my son’s psychotic episode and this is something that the a few doctors told us as well.
Regarding your own evaluation maybe you can take it easier on yourself, in any way what you experience is a product of your mind and being nicer to yourself should trim down the harsh effects.
 
J

jonnyc55

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 22, 2019
Messages
56
Location
UK
I think you are right about cannabis, I can see at first hand its effects on my son’s psychotic episode and this is something that the a few doctors told us as well.
Regarding your own evaluation maybe you can take it easier on yourself, in any way what you experience is a product of your mind and being nicer to yourself should trim down the harsh effects.
Yeah that's the best way of putting it. I will start being nice to myself. I need to lessen the negative emotions to my bumps and hurdles.

Going easy on myself, being nice to myself is key. Thanks.
 
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