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Not feeling so good

Straydog

Straydog

Active member
Joined
Jan 13, 2020
Messages
37
Location
Greece
I am in a depressive episode since late November. It took me a while to recover this time. I have started to have some good days and then the bad days come again out of the blue when i thought i was getting better.

I ve struggled with bpd and depression for 8 years now so none of this is new to me.

But i guess a crisis is always a crisis no matter if years have passed since you started this journey.

The chronic character of my condition and especially suicidal ideation is tiring me out more and more. I can't seem to accept that this will be my truth until the rest of my life.

Today i realised that i wish i had died in the suicide attempt i had made when i was a teenager and that realisation upset me a lot.

Sundays are always harder for me and i plunge back to feeling depressed, restless ans anxious.
 
S

spacingspaces

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 13, 2018
Messages
288
I understand how you feel. I am in a depressive state at the moment too as i am trying to adjust to fluoxetine. I was on it before in the past and it takes ages before it starts working. I have a constant death wish too and i feel like a terrible person who deserves all of this suffering. We just have to keep fighting. I believe we can get better with the right treatment and the right support. Try not to let this episode dishearten you. Easier said than done, i know... but there will be light at the end of the tunnel.
 
Straydog

Straydog

Active member
Joined
Jan 13, 2020
Messages
37
Location
Greece
I understand how you feel. I am in a depressive state at the moment too as i am trying to adjust to fluoxetine. I was on it before in the past and it takes ages before it starts working. I have a constant death wish too and i feel like a terrible person who deserves all of this suffering. We just have to keep fighting. I believe we can get better with the right treatment and the right support. Try not to let this episode dishearten you. Easier said than done, i know... but there will be light at the end of the tunnel.
I hope you feel better soon too.
 
I

ikindalikepomegranates

Member
Joined
Jan 20, 2020
Messages
5
Location
united states, minnesota
I get how you feel. Depressive episodes pop out of nowhere for me and my bpd doesn't help. I make sure to cherish the few times i feel really good or at least decent. Try to remind yourself that you'll eventually have a good day again. Try everything you can to fight through it. It's definitely easier said than done, but know that you're not alone. Have you tried medication?
 
Straydog

Straydog

Active member
Joined
Jan 13, 2020
Messages
37
Location
Greece
Yes. Plenty of them. They help for a while, until they stop working.

I am getting out of this last episode but i am disheartened that i will have to live with these relapses for the rest of my life. And being alone isn't the best companion to any of this.

I am trying my best. Work helps a lot but just some days are harder than others.

What seems to be of help to you when you are in depressive episode?
 
M

Marianda

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
371
Location
South America
@Straydog , sundays are also hellish for me. Mondays the same, ugly days.
Walking helps me to alleviate depression and also going out to do whatever. The worst thing is to stay at home.
 
Straydog

Straydog

Active member
Joined
Jan 13, 2020
Messages
37
Location
Greece
@Straydog , sundays are also hellish for me. Mondays the same, ugly days.
Walking helps me to alleviate depression and also going out to do whatever. The worst thing is to stay at home.
This Monday was awful. I am glad it's over but i don't have any hope tomorrow is going to be any better. 😔
 
Eleison

Eleison

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 21, 2008
Messages
691
Location
London
So sorry to hear that your day has been awful. I really hope that tomorrow brings you some respite.
 
M

Marianda

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
371
Location
South America
@Straydog , for all of us afflicted with mental issues its very difficult to have a good day. Sun helps me, but it is so gray right now.
 
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