not entirely sure what i am experiencing

[lolanash]

hello everyone,

i am new to this board. i am a 28 year old female.

i was recently diagnosed with bipolar type 1 with mixed mood states, manifesting as irritability and rage. i am currently taking 500 mg of divalproex - 250 in the morning, and 250 at night.

this has worked WONDERS for my irritability. i cannot begin to explain it. i am like a new person in that sense.

however, one 'habit' has remained. i am not sure if i am hearing voices or not. i am pretty sure i'm not 'hearing' voices, because i am totally aware that no one is here with me. let me try to explain it a bit better.

i cannot stop talking to myself. since i was an adolescent, i have talked to myself out loud. no, wait, actually, i am not talking to MYSELF, i am talking to a fabricated made up world of people, as though i am in a room surrounded by others, having complete conversations with people that are not there. i know there is no one there, yet i cannot control it. i do it without even realizing i'm doing it, until i catch myself in the middle of it. then i try to control it, and ten seconds later i am doing it again. my 'inner dialogue' does not work like that of 'normal' people. for example, instead of saying to myself, gee, next time you are at the grocery store, you really should buy some supplies to bake cookies. instead, i would say out loud to an imaginary person, "why, that's a wonderful idea! yes, i love cookies. i'll get some." and then the conversation will carry on from there.

i can control it around others for the most part. yet i do catch myself sometimes just intentionally turning my back on people so they do not see me, or lowering my head and muttering under my breath. one thing is for sure, i would rather be alone so that i could engage in this than out socializing with 'real' people.

even as i type this, i have caught myself saying out loud, pretending there is someone here. i caught myself saying "yeah..i know..i always do this..i not really sure where it came from..blah blah blah" talking as if someone was actually here. i will turn and smile to an empty spot on the couch and interact as though you would with a real person. i don't even realize i'm doing it most of the time.

i am not really sure what the heck i am doing. has anyone ever experienced something like this before?

 

[Libra1]

Hi lola and to MHF I am sure you will find lots of help and support here, and make many new friends.
It is a safe place to post or rant

Unable to help with what you are experiencing/explaining, but hopefully someone will be along soon.
Take care

 

[Behind The Sun]

Hi lolanash to the forum,im the same as libra1 and unable to help with your troubles as ive never experienced the problem you are having,but im sure someone will help. All the best

 

[jamesdean]

hello everyone,

i am new to this board. i am a 28 year old female.

i was recently diagnosed with bipolar type 1 with mixed mood states, manifesting as irritability and rage. i am currently taking 500 mg of divalproex - 250 in the morning, and 250 at night.

this has worked WONDERS for my irritability. i cannot begin to explain it. i am like a new person in that sense.

however, one 'habit' has remained. i am not sure if i am hearing voices or not. i am pretty sure i'm not 'hearing' voices, because i am totally aware that no one is here with me. let me try to explain it a bit better.

i cannot stop talking to myself. since i was an adolescent, i have talked to myself out loud. no, wait, actually, i am not talking to MYSELF, i am talking to a fabricated made up world of people, as though i am in a room surrounded by others, having complete conversations with people that are not there. i know there is no one there, yet i cannot control it. i do it without even realizing i'm doing it, until i catch myself in the middle of it. then i try to control it, and ten seconds later i am doing it again. my 'inner dialogue' does not work like that of 'normal' people. for example, instead of saying to myself, gee, next time you are at the grocery store, you really should buy some supplies to bake cookies. instead, i would say out loud to an imaginary person, "why, that's a wonderful idea! yes, i love cookies. i'll get some." and then the conversation will carry on from there.

i can control it around others for the most part. yet i do catch myself sometimes just intentionally turning my back on people so they do not see me, or lowering my head and muttering under my breath. one thing is for sure, i would rather be alone so that i could engage in this than out socializing with 'real' people.

even as i type this, i have caught myself saying out loud, pretending there is someone here. i caught myself saying "yeah..i know..i always do this..i not really sure where it came from..blah blah blah" talking as if someone was actually here. i will turn and smile to an empty spot on the couch and interact as though you would with a real person. i don't even realize i'm doing it most of the time.

i am not really sure what the heck i am doing. has anyone ever experienced something like this before?

Hi I cannot ttalk about it right now but will pm you soon,Jd

 

[maybe princess]

im going through the exact same thing you are i.. talking to people who arent there etc. i dont know what it is either but at least we know we arent alone if u have found out what it is we would like to know as well thanks