Not diagnosed but...

N

Nemrin

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Jan 3, 2019
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England
I've been battling depressive and suicidal thoughts for the past 4 years now. My arms are scarred to hell and I've come close to ending it all on multiple occasions. I've rarely been truly happy over this period of time, often faking it to a point where I don't think I have anyone is actually friends with the real me- just the happy version of me that doesn't actually exist. The one person I ever opened up to just called me selfish, so there's that.

I have constant fears of failure and never being good enough. It's weird though, because nobody actually puts the pressure on me other than myself. Still, I can't help but feel that I'm a disappointment to those around me. I don't feel like I'm worth anyone's time and that my inability to do anything means that everyone would do better without me.

I don't have the energy to do anything, and often just find myself lying down doing nothing. I don't want to go out with people anymore, I just want to be left alone... But I also don't want to raise concerns of those around me- I seriously doubt I'm worth it.

Like, I'm sure that I at least need to go to the GP because I don't think that it's just nothing, but at the same time I know people have it worse and as a result feel like I'm gonna waste their time or be dismissed entirely. I also don't know how to go about it- 'oh yeah, I've had these thoughts for years now' just seems like something I'll be interrogated over for not going sooner. I'm also not too comfortable revealing information to those who are actually able to identify me.

So yeah. Hope I don't offend anyone for this--don't want to be intruding with my lack of a formal diagnosis.
 
Skynet

Skynet

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Yeah, you really need to see a psychiatrist and get a formal diagnosis and possibly medication.
 
ScaredCat

ScaredCat

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Hi

You dont need a formal diagnosis to post. Glad you have found the forum.

I agree that it would be a good idea to see your GP and they shouldnt interrogate you for not going sooner. They should appreciate how difficult it can be to talk about. It is not nothing. And you are worth it whatever you may feel
 
Poopy Doll

Poopy Doll

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Try to have compassion for yourself like you were your own nurturing mother. Mother yourself with great love. Practice this for a year and you will see a difference. Pat yourself on the head and hug yourself.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

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Hi,
Please go and see your dr, you deserve to get better. Your dr should be supportive.
Hope you feel better very soon
Take care
 
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