• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Not coping, going through hell



Active member
Jun 20, 2009
on the edge of nowhere
I've suffered from depression for as long as I can remember.
On Friday, the doctor told me I wasn't clinically depressed! That makes a change :cool:

But I'm not coping.

My boyfriend and I were madly in love, until something happened (a huge breach of trust) that ended up in him getting arrested.

He has been in prison 2 months now and it turns out that, while I thought he was well and a number of things he wasn't, truth is he is schizophrenic and been living in a complete delusional world which, unfortunately, has caused him to commit crimes. Nothing serious, he's never hurt anyone and never would, but he keeps doing it and kept skipping bail, which is why he is now in prison.

2 months ago, he realised he might not be well. As soon as I realised this, I offered him my support. I do believe that he only committed crimes due to his delusions and that essentially he is a good person.

I'm still in love with him. And the separation is killing me. I can't cope. I also now have serious trust issues and part of me wonders whether he really loves me (he says he does and wants to marry me and has done from the moment we met) or whether he is using me to make things easier for him throughout all of this - he has no-one else at all.

I fail at being single, I can't cope with the loneliness. And when he got arrested, he was wrenched away from me without warning and I am dealing with the grief of losing the old relationship that we never will have back (because he is not that person any more - the delusions are gone). I don't want to be single, I love him and want to be with him and want to help him... but I don't know if I can cope.

The worst thing is the not knowing - we don't know how long he will be in prison for. It could be 6 weeks, it could be 6 months. Or more.

I don't know if I can handle this. I want to curl up in a ball and not exist any more but I'm far too darn sensible and considerate of my friends and family to do anything about it... :rolleyes: So I am stuck in this hell where I can't eat, can't sleep properly, am not enjoying life at all... and where I am doubting so much about my relationship with him. Can I trust him?

He is incredibly intelligent to the point where I am sure he could fake a lot... Although I know the delusions were real, he honestly believed what he was saying, everyone who met him will say the same.

But I don't know what to do. I love him.
But I am 29, I want to be getting married and having kids and I am scared that if he doesn't get out for ages, and then we give it a go and then it goes wrong I will have wasted so much time.

Yet I can't abandon him and I don't think I could handle being just friends with him, it would hurt too much - for both of us. I am so confused.

Sorry for the long post - thank you for reading if you got this far.


Jul 24, 2009
Didnt want to read and run hun, i'm pretty much the same, I suck at being single lol. I cant tell you what to do by your relationship-there's no point you'll do what you feel is right in the end. What I can say though is, if you are going to stop all contact etc then give your time chance to grieve. Froget what your family and friends think-take some time for yourself.
If you feel that you really cannot cope with life in general then a trip to the docs is probably needed. Good luck hun, hope you figure out what to do xxx


Well-known member
Jul 16, 2009
gosh you are in a spot.
If you love him you should try and work through this with your boyfriend so no permanent damage is done if that is possible.
Maybe you could take an active role in making sure he gets the medical and legal help he needs ,then when he gets out set a few ground rules.I think a relationship councilor would be a good idea,it could help you both work through things for better or worse.You may stay together or split up but with the help of a councilor and by being open and honest about how you feel it will be a better out come for you both which ever way it goes.
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
F Coping with depression Depression Forum 5
DistantOcean Coping with suicidal thoughts and feelings Depression Forum 3
TylersOutlet24 How I experience Depression/Anxiety and coping mechanisms to help. Depression Forum 2
M Looking for coping buddies Depression Forum 6
F going to mental hospital Depression Forum 18
Ben32 Too many things going wrong at once Depression Forum 11
K Going to a GP Depression Forum 11
G Im 19 and going through a breakup from a 3 year relationship Depression Forum 5
P Unsure if it’s depression but it’s not going away Depression Forum 6
J Nothing is Going Well for Me. At All. My Life Is Pointless. Depression Forum 6
B Going to end it Depression Forum 11
C I can't quite understand what's going on in my head. Depression Forum 1
L does anyone feel they are going through the day like floating soul? Depression Forum 31
L I'm going to bed early Depression Forum 2
S Ever felt sad but don't know why? What's going on :\ Depression Forum 8
C Is my depressed boyfriend going to leave me? Depression Forum 13
W The only thing that keeps me going is writing my story Depression Forum 3
MeAndMyDepression Do you want to know when and how you're going to die? Depression Forum 19
M Hard to keep going *triggers* Depression Forum 12
Gigglypuff sad inside How do I keep going? Depression Forum 13
F Depressed Girlfriend is going through a hard time Depression Forum 8
R It ain’t going well and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. Depression Forum 6
B I think I’m going to kill myself soon.... Depression Forum 15
D boyfriend going out for countless hours normal? Depression Forum 33
Tawny I'm going to make myself some nice meals Depression Forum 9
S Going to try to get gabapentin Depression Forum 9
R Feeling bleak when everything is going well Depression Forum 4
B I’m going to end it soon, hopefully. Depression Forum 19
TylersOutlet24 My on-going journal of different Antidepressants and dosages I have been on & how they have affected me. Do they do anything? Depression Forum 3
D Help me understand what’s going on in my girlfriend’s head Depression Forum 2
DistantOcean Music that keeps you going Depression Forum 12
D we are going on a camping trip Depression Forum 1
I Terrified of going into work (feeling physically sick) Depression Forum 4
D my life is going in a downward spiral Depression Forum 3
L Feel like nothings ever going to change. Really struggling Depression Forum 3
U I can’t get through this Depression Forum 9
Louizard Losing a loved one, how do I get through this? Depression Forum 2
R Feeling lower every day from all I've been through Depression Forum 14
R Trying to make it through the day Depression Forum 4
M Went for walk to feel better. / couldn’t go through with it Depression Forum 13
I I went through divorce and oh my god Depression Forum 8
DistantOcean Hard time getting through the night Depression Forum 4

Similar threads