I find myself thinking about harmi g myself almost everyday. Unfortunately someone in my family always seems to be around so I am never alone. When I experience the pain daily it reinforces what I already know "I deserve to be punished". That feeling grows stronger each day and all the emotions stream through my head. How can medicine help if it doesn't erase the fragmented memories and the pain I feel with each one. It's like a drug that you can't seem to stop.