Not again

Q

Quietman5

Member
Joined
Dec 10, 2018
Messages
7
#1
I find myself thinking about harmi g myself almost everyday. Unfortunately someone in my family always seems to be around so I am never alone. When I experience the pain daily it reinforces what I already know "I deserve to be punished". That feeling grows stronger each day and all the emotions stream through my head. How can medicine help if it doesn't erase the fragmented memories and the pain I feel with each one. It's like a drug that you can't seem to stop.
 
somedaymaybe

somedaymaybe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 28, 2018
Messages
199
Location
Australia
#2
We can't erase our memories, not permanently anyway, but we can learn to accept them. We may not want to have them, but I believe that sometimes we really need to face them head on to be able to acknowledge and eventually overcome the feelings and grief that they may bring. It's not easy, but then again not a lot of things are. My suggestion would be to see a therapist, if you aren't already, to help you through the memories that cause you pain, so that you can find a way to accept and move on.
 
C

change

Member
Joined
Jan 15, 2019
Messages
14
#3
If you want an alternative to SH to get you through, holding ice in your hand can be quite painful, leaves no mark and releases the same endorphins. It is how I eventually quit SH.

But you contradict yourself, as you are absolutely on board for the chemicals your body releases during a SH session, but entirely close-minded to the ones prescribed by a doctor to aid with the underlying issues.

Medication is a heavy topic and I understand the desire to go without. But ultimately, if what you're experiencing are the symptoms of something both diagnoseable and treatable, it might be worth getting a doctor's opinion and recommendations as to how to make those symptoms less debilitating.
 
Q

Quietman5

Member
Joined
Dec 10, 2018
Messages
7
#4
If you want an alternative to SH to get you through, holding ice in your hand can be quite painful, leaves no mark and releases the same endorphins. It is how I eventually quit SH.

But you contradict yourself, as you are absolutely on board for the chemicals your body releases during a SH session, but entirely close-minded to the ones prescribed by a doctor to aid with the underlying issues.

Medication is a heavy topic and I understand the desire to go without. But ultimately, if what you're experiencing are the symptoms of something both diagnoseable and treatable, it might be worth getting a doctor's opinion and recommendations as to how to make those symptoms less debilitating.
I have been on medicine for over a year. I see two therapists plus my GP. Unfortunately medicine can't dwarf the past experiences and the pain, guilt, embarrassment, shame, self weakness, and anger associated with these feelings and experiences. What medicine does do is temper the sine wave of the emotional roller coaster. My emotions build up and take their toll on me and SH is my just punishment. Everyday after I SH I physically feel the pain and suffering that I deserve. When that feeling goes away I feel shame and guilt for not reproducing it because that's what my mind tells me I deserve everyday of my life. So medicine does help me temper my emotions somewhat but it doesn't wipe away memories & experiences that lead to SH. My GP wants to think I'm ok and is interested in my well being but is not strong enough to ask the tough questions as is one of my therapists. No one really wants to ask the tough questions because they may not be able to adequately address and help resolve the issue. So they ask how I am and I simply say I am "fine" thank you.
 
K

khuang

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2014
Messages
404
Location
Avenue Q in the US
#5
I use a forum dedicated to helping those who self harm. I’d be happy to give you a link to the site if you’d like. I’ve used this site for ten years now and I haven’t self harmed in a long time but still post on the site. Everyone there is very friendly and nonjudgmental.
 
Q

Quietman5

Member
Joined
Dec 10, 2018
Messages
7
#6
I use a forum dedicated to helping those who self harm. I’d be happy to give you a link to the site if you’d like. I’ve used this site for ten years now and I haven’t self harmed in a long time but still post on the site. Everyone there is very friendly and nonjudgmental.
 
Q

Quietman5

Member
Joined
Dec 10, 2018
Messages
7
#7
I use a forum dedicated to helping those who self harm. I’d be happy to give you a link to the site if you’d like. I’ve used this site for ten years now and I haven’t self harmed in a long time but still post on the site. Everyone there is very friendly and nonjudgmental.
I don't think folks on this site are judgemental and I would like that link if you can - Thanks