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Not Again. Not Again Hypomania

HLon99

HLon99

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And I was doing so well. I've been totally stable since November 2020 and then last night I started to feel agitated, overexcited and restless. Slept for about 5 hours, woke up and still hypomanic. Not as bad as last night, but still not normal. Tried studying, but my thoughts are racing and I can't concentrate on a single thing.

I've got a lot of things going on in my life right now, so this is REALLY poor timing. I feel ashamed that I'm letting my family and myself down. I cannot put my mum through this bullshit again. She's always exhausted and under tons of pressure already due to other problems. I have to take responsibility this time. I'm afraid that things are falling apart again and I'm breaking down.
 
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celticlass

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Sorry to hear you are struggling. Do you have access to a Crisis Team down there or could a GP contact them in first instance? I am thinking you can take steps to manage this before things get any worse. Now I don't know how it works in London but here we have home intervention team. They can come out - well usually - and assess, decide on any changes to your medication etc. They can also often give support to take the meds if needed. Your mother is your mother. We never drop that role ha! But would maybe help if you were able to advise her what you have arranged to get through this.
 
HLon99

HLon99

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Sorry to hear you are struggling. Do you have access to a Crisis Team down there or could a GP contact them in first instance? I am thinking you can take steps to manage this before things get any worse. Now I don't know how it works in London but here we have home intervention team. They can come out - well usually - and assess, decide on any changes to your medication etc. They can also often give support to take the meds if needed. Your mother is your mother. We never drop that role ha! But would maybe help if you were able to advise her what you have arranged to get through this.
Thanks you for your response. But I don't think that contacting the crisis team is approapriate at this point in time, as its only for people who are at risk of self harm or in acute psychosis. I'm not full blown manic or lost touch with reality. I'm still relatively rational. I am and always have been medication compliant. I don't have an appointment due with my psychiatrist until September, but if it comes to it, I will contact him and try and get an emergeancy appointment. It might take some time because of COVID, but I'd rather that, than go to the hospital.

My plan is to take a wait and see approach, because my last episode in November was also very mild and resolved itself in a week. I'm prescribed Aripiprazole 5mg (I know this is a low dose but I'm very responsive to medication), but I've only been taking half a tablet a day (2.5mg). My psychiatrist knows about this and is OK with it, as long as it works. If the episode doesn't resolve itself by the end of the week, I will push it back up to 5mg. Hopefully that will solve it. If not, I'll call my doctor. Thank you again.
 
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celticlass

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Ah well, you do have a plan. Any crisis team worth their salt would be trying to maintain you at home anyway. Good luck.
 
HLon99

HLon99

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Ah well, you do have a plan. Any crisis team worth their salt would be trying to maintain you at home anyway. Good luck.
I'll bear that in mind, thanks. I may have overeacted initially today, because when my mood goes up, I typically get really bad anxiety as well. I've calmed down a bit now and my mum says I look better. My episodes are typically pretty short as I am most likely Bipolar II (although it was not specified which type I was in the diagnosis). However, I'm the Rapid Cycling type, so sudden affective switches are a common feature of my condition and with meds I tend to cool off relatively quickly. I should really try and get used to it and keep a cool head when this happens. I guess its like what boxers say about getting punched in the face: you never quite get used to it. lol
 
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Nukelavee

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I'm BPD, not bipolar, but - do you think your fear of an episode might wind you up enough to make it even more likely to happen?

Also - I think part of dealing with a disorder like this is accepting episodes will happen at some point. Thinking in those terms makes it easier to deal with when it happens, imo.
 
HLon99

HLon99

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I'm BPD, not bipolar, but - do you think your fear of an episode might wind you up enough to make it even more likely to happen?

Also - I think part of dealing with a disorder like this is accepting episodes will happen at some point. Thinking in those terms makes it easier to deal with when it happens, imo.
No, I often think about my wellbeing and how I am to cope with my condition but I don't have any kind of intense fear of an accute episode happening. Just more sort of background anxiety.

Most bipolar episodes are random onset, but can be potentiated by stress. I have been moderately stressed these past few weeks and learning how to cope with that is something I need to think about for the future.

But I agree that acceptance is part of the process and I have accepted my diagnosis. I can't quite get used to the actual feeling of becoming (hypo)manic. Its a jolt to the system, as I said to celticlass, its like being punched in the face, you never quite get used to it. The main problem that I have is that my (hypo)manic episodes are usually accompanied by an intial intense anxiety, as you feel your thoughts racing, you start to fear that things are spiralling out of control. This is something that I need address in therapy and should be getting my inital consulation in March.

For now, I've taken a breather, put my work to one side and just taking the day off. I'm still not at baseline but already feel better than I was in the morning. My episodes are well controlled by medication and, touchwood, this one will also resolve quickly. I'm going to closely monitor my mood this coming week. I'm prescribed Aripiprazole, but I have only been taking half a tablet a day since September 2020. My psychiatrist is aware of this and trust me to make the right choices, as I am fairly responsible with my condition. If I feel like I need to, I'll start taking the whole tablet again. If it comes to it, I will contact my doctor, but for now, touchwood, I think I have things under control.
 
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celticlass

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I'm BPD, not bipolar, but - do you think your fear of an episode might wind you up enough to make it even more likely to happen?

Also - I think part of dealing with a disorder like this is accepting episodes will happen at some point. Thinking in those terms makes it easier to deal with when it happens, imo.
I think it is very understandable for a person with bipolar illness to be concerned about a bipolar episode, rather than accepting. The illness is such that it can see an individual hospitalized for many months as stability is sought
Much can happen in and to their lives while they are being treated and this is most likely change of a positive sort.
 
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Nukelavee

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I think it is very understandable for a person with bipolar illness to be concerned about a bipolar episode, rather than accepting. The illness is such that it can see an individual hospitalized for many months as stability is sought
Much can happen in and to their lives while they are being treated and this is most likely change of a positive sort.
Sure it's understandable. I'm just saying that for me, accepting that episodes happen, and will happen, seems to help the degree of anxiety/frustration/fear that an episode brings on.

for me, that translates to a briefer less intense episode. Like, I've figured out, for me, a huge part of the negative issues of an episode can be reduced.

I Agree it might not be helpful for everyone - but, as it helps me, I figured it couldn't hurt to see if HLon could make use of the same strategy.

Hlon seems pretty self-aware and sharp, I'm trust trying to find angles he may not have discovered yet.
 
HLon99

HLon99

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Sure it's understandable. I'm just saying that for me, accepting that episodes happen, and will happen, seems to help the degree of anxiety/frustration/fear that an episode brings on.

for me, that translates to a briefer less intense episode. Like, I've figured out, for me, a huge part of the negative issues of an episode can be reduced.

I Agree it might not be helpful for everyone - but, as it helps me, I figured it couldn't hurt to see if HLon could make use of the same strategy.

Hlon seems pretty self-aware and sharp, I'm trust trying to find angles he may not have discovered yet.
Thanks I appreciate the suggestion. I'm looking at all angles right now and choosing the ones that work for me.
 
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CabbageMama

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The MH service here have an out of hours team that is different to the Crisis team. It has been offered to me if I need to talk anything through or just not feel alone when the regular staff aren’t working. I react awfully to stress, so try and minimise that as much as you are able - far from easy, I know! Try not to worry too much about your Mum, feeling guilty about that will exacerbate stress even more and actually, it doesn’t change the situation. My Mum is super worried about me at the moment and it is having a real impact on her. I have tried to limit that by being honest with her about my appointments, treatment plan and adherence to it, letting her pop over and see me daily if I can’t get to her. I find it very difficult, but I tell her when things are scarily bad, so that she knows I will, in the hope that she worries a bit less when I am not telling her. Might you be able to reassure her in ways like that?
 

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