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Not a normal life

stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Mar 31, 2015
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Yeah, totally agree with that Stevie..

I really don't think I could live with anyone anymore, and to be fair, I don't think anyone could live with me..

I have my own routines and habits that if anyone would interfere with, I wouldn't be able to cope. If I have visitors(which isn't often)I get quite aggiteted and my anxieties kick in.. on the other side, when those visitors leave, me and my home feel empty and lonely for a while..

I suppose the answers then , is there is no ideal living situation for us, pros and cons on both..

I think...my ideal living situation is to live alone, but still have very close people nearby, an active healthy online social life, and pets.

OR

To live with someone I'm in love with and who is my Favourite Person. That IS my ideal. Except when my feelings change and my FP feelings fade...over many years...then I then the above condition, living alone.
 
Sash1

Sash1

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Well, I finally managed to go out of my house at 1pm, almost 8 hours of negotiating with my MH(not too bad considering its been days sometimes)..and I know, some people can't get out at all..

I just nipped into town, bought a few things I needed, and some things I didn't, was very polite with shop assistant, cashier's and anyone else I came across. I bumped into an old friend, chatted for a little bit, told her " yeah thanks I'm fine" smiled a lot, did the ' normal life' thing for a bit(deserve an Oscar for my performance tbh but think we are all good at that when we feel we have to ' fit in????).........................then decided to come home.........

Think I've come to realise, this is, my normal life..I despise my MH issues, but this is me..my normal might not be someone else's..

I think you know what I mean 😊
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Well, I finally managed to go out of my house at 1pm, almost 8 hours of negotiating with my MH(not too bad considering its been days sometimes)..and I know, some people can't get out at all..

I just nipped into town, bought a few things I needed, and some things I didn't, was very polite with shop assistant, cashier's and anyone else I came across. I bumped into an old friend, chatted for a little bit, told her " yeah thanks I'm fine" smiled a lot, did the ' normal life' thing for a bit(deserve an Oscar for my performance tbh but think we are all good at that when we feel we have to ' fit in????).........................then decided to come home.........

Think I've come to realise, this is, my normal life..I despise my MH issues, but this is me..my normal might not be someone else's..

I think you know what I mean 😊
It sounds very similar to my normal :( but at least you did get out. 1pm is roughly when i manage to get out too, although i try very hard to go out earlier. I don't need to go in to town as i have a shop a fifteen minute walk away which is a perfect distance.

I try not to push myself too hard but start to get ready a bit at a time. The trouble at the moment is that it is getting dark early, just as i am getting up later. Typical! ;)
 
Tawny

Tawny

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There really IS no normal.

Mon - Fri 9 - 5pm
2 kids
Husband
Mortgage/Rent
Dog
Annual holiday
No time for cleaning, eating healthily or reading your child a book at bedtime.
In debt

That is my idea of normal at the moment :)
 
Tawny

Tawny

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I find living alone is much better for me. I had my cousin's daughter staying last weekend and it was so difficult to cope with the conversation. I can only focus on one sound, one task, at a time. The TV was on, she was on her laptop (tapping keys), she asked where my universal charger was, whilst i was making dinner. It was almost too hard to do it.

I watch TV and i need silence, i cannot talk at the same time. When i am feeling overwhelmed, hungry, tired, i need silence. TV in the background or music or bright lights, it is like nails down a chalk board. Multitasking is like being on a waltzer at a fairground.
 
Sash1

Sash1

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Uk
Tawny, your normal seems very similar to mine, I live alone, in a very quiet court. One resident has a dog, most have cats, it's lots of trees and birds, very peaceful.
I don't have too many visitors, but when/if I do, my anxieties go sky high, my OCD kicks in( my controlled environment is disturbed)..I struggle with background noise too, can only focus on one sound, I don't watch too much TV, and hardly any radio.
(The storm we're having atm, has really unsettled me, too much noise and chaos)
I lose concentration in conversations, I prefer phone conversations, it's easier to 'leave' when you've had enough.

I sound like really hard work when I assess my own behaviour, but I honestly couldn't have it an other way..
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Somebody said i should be doing more than surviving, i should be living. What is considered living? Is it to do with spending time more with people?
 
Hocotatian

Hocotatian

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I think surviving is good enough, if that's all you can manage to do. Sometimes just surviving is a big achievement.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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Thank you H, i don't know how to do anything else or where to start.

I know that i am unhappy but that it is to be expected under the circumstances.

I am trying to do nice things for myself and keep in touch with others. I love seeing people but i need a lot of time on my own too.

It is difficult when it is so dark outside.
 
C

Comorbidity

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Jul 19, 2021
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London
I cannot work.
I cannot do all of the things I would like to do.
Today I cannot stay awake.

It's ok Tawny, you're not missing out on the world, the world is missing out on you. I don't know how old you are, or how long you have known you are bipolar, but it is something you have to learn to live with, come to terms with and accept unfortunately.

I had to accept my life was over 10 years ago in the respect of the things you're talking about, because of the development of a second PTSD and the number and severity of my traumas over a 3 to 4 year period. Bless them for trying and being naive enough to actually believe they can fix everything, but you'd really think Psychiatrists and Doctors would have learned by now that sometimes there is now fixing or coming back from the number and severity of traumas we can experience and the devastation they can cause when so highly accelerated and manic, and the only treatment is to help us find acceptance we can't live a life as most people understand living to be from a certain point
 
Tawny

Tawny

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It's ok Tawny, you're not missing out on the world, the world is missing out on you. I don't know how old you are, or how long you have known you are bipolar, but it is something you have to learn to live with, come to terms with and accept unfortunately.

I had to accept my life was over 10 years ago in the respect of the things you're talking about, because of the development of a second PTSD and the number and severity of my traumas over a 3 to 4 year period. Bless them for trying and being naive enough to actually believe they can fix everything, but you'd really think Psychiatrists and Doctors would have learned by now that sometimes there is now fixing or coming back from the number and severity of traumas we can experience and the devastation they can cause when so highly accelerated and manic, and the only treatment is to help us find acceptance we can't live a life as most people understand living to be from a certain point

I also reached a point where i felt life was over, it did in fact stop dead. Since then, i have rebuilt some sort of life very slowly. I don't know what is right or wrong, if i should push harder and fight harder, or stick with doing what needs to be done, such as washing my bedding regularly. Those small things are hard to get done.

I don't think any mental illness can be cured, at least it must be rare, so many of us have to work with our symptoms or around them.

Medication brings side effects for me and so i cannot tolerate a higher dose. I am still having symptoms and still dealing with milder side effects.

I would like a trial work week, just to see how many days or hours i would last. I think the journey to work would leave me coming home again after a few hours.
 
F

Frankum35

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I also reached a point where i felt life was over, it did in fact stop dead. Since then, i have rebuilt some sort of life very slowly. I don't know what is right or wrong, if i should push harder and fight harder, or stick with doing what needs to be done, such as washing my bedding regularly. Those small things are hard to get done.

I don't think any mental illness can be cured, at least it must be rare, so many of us have to work with our symptoms or around them.

Medication brings side effects for me and so i cannot tolerate a higher dose. I am still having symptoms and still dealing with milder side effects.

I would like a trial work week, just to see how many days or hours i would last. I think the journey to work would leave me coming home again after a few hours.

Keep fighting. We wake up every day and start over and over. And we hope for tiny ray of sunshine. Hugs your way friend.
 
W

wednesday addams

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Aug 20, 2021
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806
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USA
I find living alone is much better for me. I had my cousin's daughter staying last weekend and it was so difficult to cope with the conversation. I can only focus on one sound, one task, at a time. The TV was on, she was on her laptop (tapping keys), she asked where my universal charger was, whilst i was making dinner. It was almost too hard to do it.

I watch TV and i need silence, i cannot talk at the same time. When i am feeling overwhelmed, hungry, tired, i need silence. TV in the background or music or bright lights, it is like nails down a chalk board. Multitasking is like being on a waltzer at a fairground.

This is me also Tawny. I love music but can't stand it too loud. We are so much alike. We are all suffering on here, why???
 
W

wednesday addams

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Aug 20, 2021
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806
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USA
I actually just came across this thread. I relate to all this suffering so much. I struggle with things well people take for granted. I struggle to go out, take showers, clean, get to doctor appointment. I just want to sleep which I do. My life is meaningless I wake up in late afternoon and just sit around. Like some people said, I have nothing to look forward to. I struggle to even get up, when I do I'm depressed. I try to think of ways to change my life but I get negative thoughts about that. It goes nowhere, meds don't help, people can't or don't help. I cannot help myself, the winter blues are here. Getting dark early makes my life harder. When I do get out it's not until late afternoon by than it's dark already. I read many of the posts on here and can absolutely relate. I'm sorry for the suffering you all endure. How do we manage to go on? The holidays don't make it better. People getting ready to celebrate, buying gifts, shopping having fun. Families with children, I sit alone on holidays no real family, no children. No pets, no understanding. Hell is here right here on earth. But we go on.🙄
Tawny, I apologize for taking up so much space on your thread. I wish we could meet we are so much alike.❤️
 
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