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Normal life?

Humanitee

Humanitee

Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2021
Messages
23
Location
UK
Feel a bit nervous posting this as I’ve only just joined the forum... but wondering if anyone out there with BPD is struggling with having any kind of a normal life, or ‘planning’ a normal life in the future? My husband has all these plans for our life and wants to have kids but I’m just so ill and can barely look after myself/a cat, let alone children. I also have chronic health anxiety so the idea of pregnancy is terrifying to say the least. I really cannot imagine what pregnancy and childbirth would do to my mental health.

I’d love to be well enough to get a job and just want to get on with life, but BPD has other plans, it seems. I overreact and go into crisis over the slightest thing, and have no motivation to do anything at all, not even the hobbies I used to really enjoy. My brain just does not care.

Is anyone else experiencing these feelings, or is in a similar situation? Have any of you gone through parenthood with BPD?
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
1,196
Location
US
Hi @Humanitee, and welcome to the forum. Yeah, I have BPD and had a son 15 years ago. I was terrified to be a mom, put off pregnancy till 15 years into my marriage. I get that. It is scary, but you can do it. It sounds like right now may not be the best time to overwhelm yourself; as I said, I waited 15 years and I'm glad I did.

Do you have a therapist who can help you get in a better space mentally? Having professional help can be really important when you're thinking about making big decisions on things like this, but ultimately it is your decision, obviously.

What I can say is, although I do feel zapped right now and unable to do much as a mom today, my son is now at an age where I can be open with him about what's going on. Prior to this, I hid it from him as much as I could. I think that only confused him more, so I tried to be open to him about my feelings a bit, not make him think it was because of him. I got help from family when I needed it, but it was mostly my husband (now ex) who was really there for me and helped me on the bad days. It's important to have a supportive partner or family to help out, I don't know what I would have done without it. Do you feel your husband will be able to help you out enough, particularly on the really hard days?

In the end, it's my son who is the only reason I am still here. The love for him is beyond anything I have felt, and it gave me purpose. I can't leave him, so it helps to have that draw to stay here, that need to be needed, although at times it is hard, like right now. It's a mixed bad, but ultimately it is a love like no other, and you can do it with proper help. It is possible:)
 
Humanitee

Humanitee

Member
Joined
Jun 6, 2021
Messages
23
Location
UK
Hi @Humanitee, and welcome to the forum. Yeah, I have BPD and had a son 15 years ago. I was terrified to be a mom, put off pregnancy till 15 years into my marriage. I get that. It is scary, but you can do it. It sounds like right now may not be the best time to overwhelm yourself; as I said, I waited 15 years and I'm glad I did.

Do you have a therapist who can help you get in a better space mentally? Having professional help can be really important when you're thinking about making big decisions on things like this, but ultimately it is your decision, obviously.

What I can say is, although I do feel zapped right now and unable to do much as a mom today, my son is now at an age where I can be open with him about what's going on. Prior to this, I hid it from him as much as I could. I think that only confused him more, so I tried to be open to him about my feelings a bit, not make him think it was because of him. I got help from family when I needed it, but it was mostly my husband (now ex) who was really there for me and helped me on the bad days. It's important to have a supportive partner or family to help out, I don't know what I would have done without it. Do you feel your husband will be able to help you out enough, particularly on the really hard days?

In the end, it's my son who is the only reason I am still here. The love for him is beyond anything I have felt, and it gave me purpose. I can't leave him, so it helps to have that draw to stay here, that need to be needed, although at times it is hard, like right now. It's a mixed bad, but ultimately it is a love like no other, and you can do it with proper help. It is possible:)
Thanks for your reply :) It was so helpful to hear about your experience with BPD and raising a son. I’m glad you had plenty of support, and it sounds like you have an amazing connection with your son. I have a very supportive husband - we just finished having a chat about my fears about pregnancy etc, and he said we should wait until I’m in a much better headspace. My worry is that I wanted to be a relatively young mum, but I think I just have to accept that that probably won’t happen and it’s more important to work on myself right now. He’s open to alternatives too, if I really can’t bring myself to go through pregnancy. I’ve got a good therapist, and hopefully this is one of the things we can work on together :) Thank you again for sharing, it was so encouraging to hear!
 
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