Nobody likes me for reasons I don't see

[Vegan_veggie]

My favourite people are the ones that are just that little bit unsure of themselves despite being awesome. That vulnerability makes me want to both pick them up high above my head and/or grab them by the shoulders shaking them saying "Look how great you are!"

Most of us walk around being unsure of things, even the regular Joe's out there on this thing called planet earth. None of us have it all figured out, we all make mistakes, we all win and lose. As long as you are being true to who and what you are then you are doing things right. It's only when people pretend to be something that they're not that people kind of pick up on it and feel unsure of them. If meeting people is the kind of thing you really want to do then you could look into joining some groups that align with your interests and then you might hit it off with people that have shared interests that are looking to meet people too.

The problem is I don’t really have any interests other than being vegan and veggie so there’s no chance of forming connections there. I’m not very clever and suspect I have a learning disability. I think I was put in the top class at school as a cruel joke so I would struggle. My older brother went to the same school and he was bullied by the same headmaster so I suspect they knew I wasn’t clever like him and thought they would make things hard by tricking me into thinking I was amongst the clever ones only to be constantly left out and left behind with studying realising I didn’t understand a single thing. Not once did the teachers try and help me and I often end totally ignored. I’m a born loser with no hope at success.

 

[Lone_wanderer]

Well I am 35 and pretty ugly diagnosed with schizophrenia and have very little hope of recovering because the nhs seem to want to make me sick. The more sick people the better for them to keep their awful wards running to keep their wages going. The world is a cruel unfair place

I have a schizophrenia diagnosis as well, I have lived with it for twenty years this year. For someone who considers themselves messed up you seem very articulate.

 

[arkansastraveler]

My favourite people are the ones that are just that little bit unsure of themselves despite being awesome. That vulnerability makes me want to both pick them up high above my head and/or grab them by the shoulders shaking them saying "Look how great you are!"

Most of us walk around being unsure of things, even the regular Joe's out there on this thing called planet earth. None of us have it all figured out, we all make mistakes, we all win and lose. As long as you are being true to who and what you are then you are doing things right. It's only when people pretend to be something that they're not that people kind of pick up on it and feel unsure of them. If meeting people is the kind of thing you really want to do then you could look into joining some groups that align with your interests and then you might hit it off with people that have shared interests that are looking to meet people too.

Thank you! Yeah I should keep trying. The only problem with being myself is that, feeling intimidated by anyone I want to talk to, taking any initiative at all is forced as can be. What I'm saying is, being myself would be hiding fully in a shell and not speaking, like I did every day for more than a year of high school.

Thank you for your advice! I really appreciate so many people answering me!!

 

[OCDguy]

I have a significant other who is everything to me, but no one else. Zero platonic friendships. Sometimes I just want a stranger to tell me honestly, what alienates me from them, which is what I feel like always happens. I assume it's because I'm fake and uncomfortable myself because I'm just very insecure, but I thought most people kinda have that problem at first? Maybe I'm just not doing it right. I was socially isolated as a kid and maybe it really shows. I would not be surprised if there is just something in the way I'm writing this post that annoys people. I've actually made an account on Bumble specifically for making friends and had conversations with a lot of people that just..stopped talking to me. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, it's just that I'm almost 27 and not any closer to figuring this out! I want to be agreeable to people. It's like I have a blind spot. I want friends for my mental health and self-esteem. Any advice? Anybody on here live in North Idaho? Haha

I think chatting on-line can be a bit like that. Great conversation to start with, but unless there is a shared interest or two which draws people in, conversation can eventually dry up... I don't think you should take things personally, possibly focus on creating more meaningful connections?

 

[hicks]

I've been trying to work this out for quite a while now. The only thing I could come up with is that as people age, they get their established circle of friends, and are reluctant to make new friends. What do you think?
Of course for someone with social anxiety problems, which I assume the OP has by posting in this forum, the friend making process becomes much harder. If you can naturally talk to people in a relaxed way it helps, and believe me this is something I've had to teach myself, as for a large part of my life I was useless.
The only explanation I can come up with is that I'm hard work, even though I'm the nicest person you could meet, I never really mastered being totally at ease with myself and interacting naturally with people.

 

[OCDguy]

Thank you! Yeah I should keep trying. The only problem with being myself is that, feeling intimidated by anyone I want to talk to, taking any initiative at all is forced as can be. What I'm saying is, being myself would be hiding fully in a shell and not speaking, like I did every day for more than a year of high school.

Thank you for your advice! I really appreciate so many people answering me!!

You are amongst friends here, it's great to hear you talking frankly and honestly

 

[Wishbone]

Vegan, I know for certain that there are plenty of Vegan groups around because I've seen them posted. If that's your only interest then start there, you may find new ones once in with those guys. As for the other stuff, try and leave that behind you, file it away, and try not to think of it again. That's the past, time to make a future.

 

[hicks]

Vegan, I know for certain that there are plenty of Vegan groups around because I've seen them posted. If that's your only interest then start there, you may find new ones once in with those guys. As for the other stuff, try and leave that behind you, file it away, and try not to think of it again. That's the past, time to make a future.

On that very subject, I've reached a point in my life where I can literally start again, as we've moved to a different area where nobody knows me. So all the social mistakes I made over the last 20 years (of which there have been *many*, and stuff I really regret), can all be wiped. I can also apply the lessons I've learned about interacting with people, and hopefully do better.

 

[arkansastraveler]

I think chatting on-line can be a bit like that. Great conversation to start with, but unless there is a shared interest or two which draws people in, conversation can eventually dry up... I don't think you should take things personally, possibly focus on creating more meaningful connections?

Good advice. Stuck at home with kids mostly, and Meetup is pretty quiet with the Covid restrictions. But I really should try to get out there more and dive in. "The best way to succeed is double your failure rate." Or whatnot. Thank you

 

[Vegan_veggie]

I have a schizophrenia diagnosis as well, I have lived with it for twenty years this year. For someone who considers themselves messed up you seem very articulate.

I went to private school and even though I didn’t understand a single thing I was forced into manners and good English which is a form of torture in itself because it means you can say or act how you want to. Instead you have to pretend that everything is above board for yourself when it’s not. It’s all about not letting the side down when really it is. You’re basically bullied to death unless you conform to the teachers and parents alike manners and regulations. You’re always told off and the nice teachers and parents may befriend you if not then you’re dead. You just have to trust it’s for a reason and that it will make your life a happy place. Eventually I was lead astray by girls who hadnt always been at private schools and my life went downhill because I was deemed a bad fruit. I had two abortions and ended up in psychiatric care over that and other problems. I have never recovered and don’t see how I will. I look tired and I feel weak and slow barely alive. I just hope but I know there isn’t any really. I also play computer games and it’s since finding this site that I’ve given myself a break from that and from talking to the voices in my head.

 

[arkansastraveler]

I went to private school and even though I didn’t understand a single thing I was forced into manners and good English which is a form of torture in itself because it means you can say or act how you want to. Instead you have to pretend that everything is above board for yourself when it’s not. It’s all about not letting the side down when really it is. You’re basically bullied to death unless you conform to the teachers and parents alike manners and regulations. You’re always told off and the nice teachers and parents may befriend you if not then you’re dead. You just have to trust it’s for a reason and that it will make your life a happy place. Eventually I was lead astray by girls who hadnt always been at private schools and my life went downhill because I was deemed a bad fruit. I had two abortions and ended up in psychiatric care over that and other problems. I have never recovered and don’t see how I will. I look tired and I feel weak and slow barely alive. I just hope but I know there isn’t any really. I also play computer games and it’s since finding this site that I’ve given myself a break from that and from talking to the voices in my head.

I don't know your struggle. My heart goes out to you . But I believe absolutely in prayer. I believe that unceasing prayer for something about which you care deeply will inevitably be answered, and if you just don't care enough to pray, in mustering everything you have to just say one little prayer - a prayer that a spark will light in you and you will be motivated to continue praying and trying hard for what you need. I read once that there is a sleeping hero in your soul.

 

[Vegan_veggie]

I don't know your struggle. My heart goes out to you . But I believe absolutely in prayer. I believe that unceasing prayer for something about which you care deeply will inevitably be answered, and if you just don't care enough to pray, in mustering everything you have to just say one little prayer - a prayer that a spark will light in you and you will be motivated to continue praying and trying hard for what you need. I read once that there is a sleeping hero in your soul.

Thank you for that it’s like a prayer answered. I do pray and I feel blessed that others pray too and so I’m not alone in doing so. It’s as if it’s possible to have what you need such as food for example but if you don’t pray over it then it makes you feel bad and sick. It’s the only way to appreciate but if you don’t believe then it’s not possible to leave the problem of negligence behind. It’s difficult to understand about God and the only way for me is learning about other people’s belief. Even then there aren’t solid answers but at least there is a place for hope.

 

[aav72]

I have a significant other who is everything to me, but no one else. Zero platonic friendships. Sometimes I just want a stranger to tell me honestly, what alienates me from them, which is what I feel like always happens. I assume it's because I'm fake and uncomfortable myself because I'm just very insecure, but I thought most people kinda have that problem at first? Maybe I'm just not doing it right. I was socially isolated as a kid and maybe it really shows. I would not be surprised if there is just something in the way I'm writing this post that annoys people. I've actually made an account on Bumble specifically for making friends and had conversations with a lot of people that just..stopped talking to me. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, it's just that I'm almost 27 and not any closer to figuring this out! I want to be agreeable to people. It's like I have a blind spot. I want friends for my mental health and self-esteem. Any advice? Anybody on here live in North Idaho? Haha

the struggle is so real indeed, and i do feel your pain; perhaps Bumble isn't the only social media platform you can go on to find friends, i'm sure there's many other places online where you can chat, just be very careful about who you meet up with or talk to; i hope you are able to find someone or some people who shares your interests, please don't stop looking around and don't quit

 

[arkansastraveler]

i hope you are able to find someone or some people who shares your interests, please don't stop looking around and don't quit

Thank you for the encouragement! I will keep trying!

 

[karl7]

I have a significant other who is everything to me, but no one else. Zero platonic friendships. Sometimes I just want a stranger to tell me honestly, what alienates me from them, which is what I feel like always happens. I assume it's because I'm fake and uncomfortable myself because I'm just very insecure, but I thought most people kinda have that problem at first? Maybe I'm just not doing it right. I was socially isolated as a kid and maybe it really shows. I would not be surprised if there is just something in the way I'm writing this post that annoys people. I've actually made an account on Bumble specifically for making friends and had conversations with a lot of people that just..stopped talking to me. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, it's just that I'm almost 27 and not any closer to figuring this out! I want to be agreeable to people. It's like I have a blind spot. I want friends for my mental health and self-esteem. Any advice? Anybody on here live in North Idaho? Haha

i have zero friends myself but i may have advice for you that may help.....im a member of a mental health club,,,,,theese are places where mentall y ill folk can go to participate in activities such as art creative writing, drama, group therapy or health management to name but a few activities or else you can just drop in for a coffee,....there is no pressure put on you to participate, you can do what you want.....i think these places are invaluable......just ask your pdoc or mental health team......or else just google it....having social anxiety or any mental illness would qualify you for membership