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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

Nobody likes me for reasons I don't see

A

arkansastraveler

Member
Joined
Mar 21, 2021
Messages
10
Location
Idaho, USA
I have a significant other who is everything to me, but no one else. Zero platonic friendships. Sometimes I just want a stranger to tell me honestly, what alienates me from them, which is what I feel like always happens. I assume it's because I'm fake and uncomfortable myself because I'm just very insecure, but I thought most people kinda have that problem at first? Maybe I'm just not doing it right. I was socially isolated as a kid and maybe it really shows. I would not be surprised if there is just something in the way I'm writing this post that annoys people. I've actually made an account on Bumble specifically for making friends and had conversations with a lot of people that just..stopped talking to me. I'm not feeling sorry for myself, it's just that I'm almost 27 and not any closer to figuring this out! I want to be agreeable to people. It's like I have a blind spot. I want friends for my mental health and self-esteem. Any advice? Anybody on here live in North Idaho? Haha
 
V

Vegan_veggie

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2021
Messages
180
Location
Uk
I have trouble making friends too mostly because I feel sad and scared about life. Atleast you have a partner that’s something. I haven’t. I just have myself my parents and my brothers who have kids. Atleast you have this forum to communicate to other people with. There are many lonely people out there I’m sure we’re not the only two. 💖💛💜
 
N

Nukelavee

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
3,389
Location
London, ON
For what it's worth, your writing style isn't annoying. Honestly, a few posts isn't enough to give me any idea about your quirks to give any advice.

Do you have any interests that others might share? That could give you some common ground to start with?
 
C

CabbageMama

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2021
Messages
391
Location
UK
I’m not annoyed at all reading your post. With the Bumble thing, remember not everyone is who they seem. I am no dating site expert, join them with enthusiasm and then leave within 48hrs, but I would hazard a guess that often people are in the friends section to bypass and get ahead of the relationship bit. Because there are lots of other ways to make friends. Could be totally wrong and doing lovely people a disservice, but that has always been on my mind with things like that. Perhaps that is why the ‘friendship’ hasn’t gone well, once they know you have a significant other etc. Or maybe the people are genuinely looking for friendship, but want to find a friend that has no commitments, so more time.

Honestly, I have totally felt like this, ever so recently. I realised it was me that has closed off and shut people away. I didn’t intend to, not at all, but did so very successfully. I looked back at the last few jobs I had, tormenting myself that I didn’t fit in, why didn’t I, did people think I was bad at my job, what did I do wrong and what is wrong with me. Was very close to emailing people for ‘feedback’ this last week as I was so upset by it, also didn’t want to make the same mistakes again. Managed to not do that, then a few days after, in trying to understand a bit better, looked back at texts and emails from around the times I was in those jobs. They told a totally different story to what I had constructed in my head, I was liked and respected and valued. Yes, these people are not cheerleading for me now, in fact, I am sure I don’t register in their day to day lives. But I think that is because people move on and have their own stuff to deal with, have to keep up with it all.

You sound really insightful and honestly, a lovely person, but are being really hard on yourself. What does your Partner like about you? Perhaps because you are able to relax and be yourself. My advice would be to just try and be you with other people as well. A) because if you don’t, you will end up with a load of fake friends that don’t know the real you, so won’t end up giving you what you need, and B) because life is too short to try and be anything that you are. Too much effort and that isn’t how you’ll find your Tribe. And you will find them. X PS, if I lived in Idaho, I would be arranging a meet up! 🙂
 
A

arkansastraveler

Member
Joined
Mar 21, 2021
Messages
10
Location
Idaho, USA
For what it's worth, your writing style isn't annoying. Honestly, a few posts isn't enough to give me any idea about your quirks to give any advice.

Do you have any interests that others might share? That could give you some common ground to start with?
Thank you for responding. Heck yeah, I have definitely met other moms who I seem to have lots in common with. One lives down the street and our daughters play together a lot. Doesn't seem to matter. I messaged once that we should hang out sometime as friends and there was no response to that part of my msg. I don't know, it just seems like everyone is always not liking me and is only talking to me because I'm the only one around to talk to! I'm probably imagining it. But that's as good as reality, if I can't change it, if you know what I mean. I just feel like I have no idea what's going on and everyone else does, all the moms talk the same with their little nuances and it seems like I don't speak "normal people language."
 
A

arkansastraveler

Member
Joined
Mar 21, 2021
Messages
10
Location
Idaho, USA
I’m not annoyed at all reading your post. With the Bumble thing, remember not everyone is who they seem. I am no dating site expert, join them with enthusiasm and then leave within 48hrs, but I would hazard a guess that often people are in the friends section to bypass and get ahead of the relationship bit. Because there are lots of other ways to make friends. Could be totally wrong and doing lovely people a disservice, but that has always been on my mind with things like that. Perhaps that is why the ‘friendship’ hasn’t gone well, once they know you have a significant other etc. Or maybe the people are genuinely looking for friendship, but want to find a friend that has no commitments, so more time.

Honestly, I have totally felt like this, ever so recently. I realised it was me that has closed off and shut people away. I didn’t intend to, not at all, but did so very successfully. I looked back at the last few jobs I had, tormenting myself that I didn’t fit in, why didn’t I, did people think I was bad at my job, what did I do wrong and what is wrong with me. Was very close to emailing people for ‘feedback’ this last week as I was so upset by it, also didn’t want to make the same mistakes again. Managed to not do that, then a few days after, in trying to understand a bit better, looked back at texts and emails from around the times I was in those jobs. They told a totally different story to what I had constructed in my head, I was liked and respected and valued. Yes, these people are not cheerleading for me now, in fact, I am sure I don’t register in their day to day lives. But I think that is because people move on and have their own stuff to deal with, have to keep up with it all.

You sound really insightful and honestly, a lovely person, but are being really hard on yourself. What does your Partner like about you? Perhaps because you are able to relax and be yourself. My advice would be to just try and be you with other people as well. A) because if you don’t, you will end up with a load of fake friends that don’t know the real you, so won’t end up giving you what you need, and B) because life is too short to try and be anything that you are. Too much effort and that isn’t how you’ll find your Tribe. And you will find them. X PS, if I lived in Idaho, I would be arranging a meet up! 🙂
Thank you, your nice message cheers me up. Bumble is for real, lots of stay at home moms on there just trying to make adult friends and get out of the house like me. My hubby really likes me and makes me feel like an awesome person. But with other women it's just different. I don't know if I'm imagining it, I don't even know exactly what "it" is, I just feel like I have a huge social blind spot and it ruins everything. Maybe it's just because a part of me is just trying to run away and escape every social interaction, people probably pick up on that. But I don't know what to do about it! It's like I'm in fight or flight mode as soon as someone starts talking to me!

Anyway, thank you so much for your advice. I'll pay attention to it.
 
A

arkansastraveler

Member
Joined
Mar 21, 2021
Messages
10
Location
Idaho, USA
I have trouble making friends too mostly because I feel sad and scared about life. Atleast you have a partner that’s something. I haven’t. I just have myself my parents and my brothers who have kids. Atleast you have this forum to communicate to other people with. There are many lonely people out there I’m sure we’re not the only two. 💖💛💜
Thank you ❤ for responding. Wish we could hang out :)
 
Lone_wanderer

Lone_wanderer

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
4,985
@Vegan_veggie, you have only made a few posts but I like you already, you have openess and empathy. @arkansastraveler, I had plenty of friends in my twenties in my 20s before I was ill, I can count the friends I have these days on one hand, but the people I know now are real, thats my ex and her son.
 
V

Vegan_veggie

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2021
Messages
180
Location
Uk
@Vegan_veggie, you have only made a few posts but I like you already, you have openess and empathy. @arkansastraveler, I had plenty of friends in my twenties in my 20s before I was ill, I can count the friends I have these days on one hand, but the people I know now are real, thats my ex and her son.
Thank you Lone Wanderer your username very much sums up my life. Always alone wandering around looking for something to fill my emptiness with. Never anything there though just painful revelation and wandering closer to my death in every moment. Will it be better? Probably not but you can only hope it will be. I don’t have any friends in real life at all. I’m not happy enough to attract anyone in my life. When I am I realise I’m not goodlooking or clever or successful enough to keep them around. Not to mention interesting, I don’t know anything that is of value to anyone else. Unless you’re interested in being veggie or vegan at least but then you don’t need me to explain that. Thank you for caring 💛💖💜
 
Lone_wanderer

Lone_wanderer

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
4,985
Thank you Lone Wanderer your username very much sums up my life. Always alone wandering around looking for something to fill my emptiness with. Never anything there though just painful revelation and wandering closer to my death in every moment. Will it be better? Probably not but you can only hope it will be. I don’t have any friends in real life at all. I’m not happy enough to attract anyone in my life. When I am I realise I’m not goodlooking or clever or successful enough to keep them around. Not to mention interesting, I don’t know anything that is of value to anyone else. Unless you’re interested in being veggie or vegan at least but then you don’t need me to explain that. Thank you for caring 💛💖💜
 
Lone_wanderer

Lone_wanderer

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 22, 2012
Messages
4,985
Thank you Lone Wanderer your username very much sums up my life. Always alone wandering around looking for something to fill my emptiness with. Never anything there though just painful revelation and wandering closer to my death in every moment. Will it be better? Probably not but you can only hope it will be. I don’t have any friends in real life at all. I’m not happy enough to attract anyone in my life. When I am I realise I’m not goodlooking or clever or successful enough to keep them around. Not to mention interesting, I don’t know anything that is of value to anyone else. Unless you’re interested in being veggie or vegan at least but then you don’t need me to explain that. Thank you for caring 💛💖💜
Mate, I am a butt ugly bloke but I have had some stunning girlfriends, these days I am mostly a 50 something recluse who lives vicariously through his videogame characters, seriously you seem like a nice person who mh problems has stolen their confidence, my second episode 8 years ago did the same to me.
 
V

Vegan_veggie

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2021
Messages
180
Location
Uk
Well I am 35 and pretty ugly diagnosed with schizophrenia and have very little hope of recovering because the nhs seem to want to make me sick. The more sick people the better for them to keep their awful wards running to keep their wages going. The world is a cruel unfair place
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
621
Location
England
My favourite people are the ones that are just that little bit unsure of themselves despite being awesome. That vulnerability makes me want to both pick them up high above my head and/or grab them by the shoulders shaking them saying "Look how great you are!"

Most of us walk around being unsure of things, even the regular Joe's out there on this thing called planet earth. None of us have it all figured out, we all make mistakes, we all win and lose. As long as you are being true to who and what you are then you are doing things right. It's only when people pretend to be something that they're not that people kind of pick up on it and feel unsure of them. If meeting people is the kind of thing you really want to do then you could look into joining some groups that align with your interests and then you might hit it off with people that have shared interests that are looking to meet people too.
 
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