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Nobody is real and I think they all hate me

M

Miliana

Active member
Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
29
Location
France
I have social anxiety and one year in school when I was often bullied I wrote a page in my journal telling myself that all my classmates are not real and they hate me because they know that I am real, I am living. So I became feeling superior to other since I knew that they're not real and they have, need to hate me, like some sort of robot.

And now since I met great friends, I completely forgot about it.
You might say that's great and positive but I feel this isn't right. I feel like people actually hate me, especially strangers and everyone on social media. I realise that I have friends, online and in real life but I think they are pretending to enjoy my company.
I feel like I don't deserve to be happy, and to carry on with this feeling I started doing self harm again like that I will get hurt, punished and since I experience pain I can enjoy being happy sometimes.

I'm too socially scared to see a therapist even though I was about to do it once this year but I just want to hate myself and feel pain alone, I don't want people to think I am crazy and hate me..
I tried to pretend again that no one is real but I realised how selfish and privileged it is so I just hate myself even more.
I wish I could get rid of all those persons in my head telling me that I am bad, mean, and I just deserve to die already.


Thank you for reading, I hope someone will answer and sorry if there's some mistakes english is not my first language !
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
18,993
Location
England
Hi,
I'm so sorry your struggling with this, you don't deserve to die.
I'm glad you have friends, I hope it helps chatting to us.
Your English is very good.
You could perhaps build on your self confidence and challenge the bad thoughts.
Hugs
 
S

Socially_incapable

New member
Joined
Jul 2, 2020
Messages
1
Location
England
I can't believe English isn't your first language, it's perfect. I often feel like everyone hates me too. I just acknowledge that they are all humans. Some are haters, but most aren't. Just suround yourself with those that like you, and spend as much time with them as possible. I know what you mean about not wanting to see a therapist, it sounds like a nightmare if you have SA.
 
V

Vegan_veggie

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2021
Messages
182
Location
Uk
I send you my support in your times of struggle and sadness. I struggle alone and feel unable to find help. Listening to Saywecanfly helps me so maybe look for Braden Barrie on YouTube. Where are you from what is your first language? I wish you all the best 💖💛💜
 
A

aav72

Member
Joined
Oct 29, 2020
Messages
22
Location
California
i'm so sorry to hear this, this was how i felt in one of my jobs from a few years back, and it was real difficult working there;
i had to see a therapist myself just to talk to someone about my issues and fears, i think it might help if you definitely see one
 
R

rosesareblue

Active member
Joined
Feb 3, 2021
Messages
34
Location
USA
I am very sorry you feel this way. I have the same issue with someone that I know and it's very hard for me to make her understand that her feelings are not real she is beautiful unique and loveable person. And no body's hate her for being her. she just need to have self confident/self esteem on herself, stop looking down on herself, and turn around her thoughts to positive thinking. I hope you get something from this.
 

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