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Nobody is real and I think they all hate me

M

Miliana

Member
Joined
Apr 25, 2020
Messages
16
Location
France
I have social anxiety and one year in school when I was often bullied I wrote a page in my journal telling myself that all my classmates are not real and they hate me because they know that I am real, I am living. So I became feeling superior to other since I knew that they're not real and they have, need to hate me, like some sort of robot.

And now since I met great friends, I completely forgot about it.
You might say that's great and positive but I feel this isn't right. I feel like people actually hate me, especially strangers and everyone on social media. I realise that I have friends, online and in real life but I think they are pretending to enjoy my company.
I feel like I don't deserve to be happy, and to carry on with this feeling I started doing self harm again like that I will get hurt, punished and since I experience pain I can enjoy being happy sometimes.

I'm too socially scared to see a therapist even though I was about to do it once this year but I just want to hate myself and feel pain alone, I don't want people to think I am crazy and hate me..
I tried to pretend again that no one is real but I realised how selfish and privileged it is so I just hate myself even more.
I wish I could get rid of all those persons in my head telling me that I am bad, mean, and I just deserve to die already.


Thank you for reading, I hope someone will answer and sorry if there's some mistakes english is not my first language !
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
12,907
Location
England
Hi,
I'm so sorry your struggling with this, you don't deserve to die.
I'm glad you have friends, I hope it helps chatting to us.
Your English is very good.
You could perhaps build on your self confidence and challenge the bad thoughts.
Hugs
 
S

Socially_incapable

New member
Joined
Jul 2, 2020
Messages
1
Location
England
I can't believe English isn't your first language, it's perfect. I often feel like everyone hates me too. I just acknowledge that they are all humans. Some are haters, but most aren't. Just suround yourself with those that like you, and spend as much time with them as possible. I know what you mean about not wanting to see a therapist, it sounds like a nightmare if you have SA.
 
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