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No social life.

L

llamacobain

Member
Joined
Oct 23, 2018
Messages
10
Location
England
Hi. I go to college and ive come to realise that I have the bare minimum of a social life. I don't know what to do anymore.

I have autism, so theres the starting point of not being able to make and maintain friends. I thought that coming to college would help in some way, but barely anyone is new there. Everyone in my year/grade whatever, was there the year before. So everyone is pretty much comfortable with their friends and have no desire to breach out, because they have their friends from before. I only have one friend, in a weird relationship honestly (we used to date, which is important to note) and she doesn't like it when I talk to other people at all. I honestly don't care if she talks to other people at the end of the day. To give a brief backstory, she overpassed my limits of jealousy when we were dating and utterly skewed my trust and view of her, so it would be no surprise and easy to ignore if she were to be hypocritical and make friends/date others. This is also one of the main things that gets in my way, if I ever did build up the courage to make friends. Its most likely not going to happen. I have autism as well as social anxiety. My only social stimulation comes from this friend, the very few strangers that attempt to conversate slightly with me at college, and 2 online friends who I speak to for 10 minutes every few days. One doesn't even speak to me at all really. My family also come into this, but I only have 3 other family members and they don't really talk to me often.
Tied into my conditions, I have derealisation and detachment from reality. So basically my life is so drenched in misery and thats not even based on my loneliness, and I drown that out with my detachment. So I'm in a constant state of detachment and experience minimal social interaction. My life is basically nothing to me at the moment. My only stimulation and happiness comes from my imagination, and music. I don't even know if having friends would help my happiness, as it always goes badly. My mind is different to theirs and anyone with autism would be able to understand where I'm coming from. Its stressful keeping up with people who don't think the same as you. I also have a very low self esteem, so I never go out of my way to talk, yet it still hurts to be ignored and alone at times and it makes my self esteem issues worse.
I guess I don't really know what to do at all. I don't even know if im asking for help or if this is just a place to rant. I just feel very closed off from the world and feel alone in my mindset. It hurts a lot to see others easily be able to make friends and keep them and I cannot do that. I can't train myself to do that. I'd just like a friend thats patient enough, but its hard to come by. I have tried to change myself a lot, going out of my way to be social, way far past my limits and its still never enough. I don't know whether to just give up social interaction entirely, as im okay with the idea of that. I just know ill probably up more detached.
 
arodi007

arodi007

Active member
Joined
Nov 13, 2019
Messages
27
Location
Mauritius
hi lama, well 2 things, if i understand well you are still with your gf, maybe u can tell her about your situation and how u feel, usually girl have more empathy.
U could also try to be join an association for autism, maybe u could get some friends there :)
 
S

Scarlett2

Member
Joined
Dec 15, 2019
Messages
16
Location
California
I had an old neighbor/friend who had autism. He always brighten my day a lot was a good guy. Anyways I'm sorry what you are going through, I can relate. Lately I've been going through some social anxiety/depression and to my friends I feel like I was the one to be "talkative and social/outgoing" then I've been going through some stuff and started being like this. I feel it can happen to anyone really at any time of your life. I'm here if you need a friend and maybe try looking up different events or groups going on in your area. If your religious maybe even going to church?? Eventually that's what I want to start doing. Hope it gets Better for the both of us, feel free to message whenever.
 
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