No sex for you!

[wishiwuzthar]

Just recently my wife of five years informed me that she "has no libido". Now, it seems that I have to perform certain rituals in order to get her in the mood, so to speak. Now we are both in our fifties, & I understand that these things may happen; but all of a sudden?
It seems to me that I am to be the puppet. I am to jump through hoops to have sex.
Why she cannot throw me a bone (no pun intended) & oh I don't know, take me for a ride I guess sounds suitable, is a mystery.
So far I have swallowed my pride.
The main problem is that I was once a sex addict, perhaps I still am. But at least I am not acting out! She knows of my past & yet there is no change in her demeanor towards me.
I am concerned that I will begin to act out again & as a matter of fact I have, though she does not know it. It is becoming dangerous.
Any words of advice? I do not want to backslide.
Please feel free to contact me.

 

[Yellowcoaching]

HI,
Sorry to ask and obviously you don't have to answer but what do you mean by "rituals"?

 

[Ashami]

Have you and your wife explored her 'loss of libido'?

 

[wishiwuzthar]

no sex for you revisited

The ritual consists of a back massage, yeh I know sounds like I'm being selfish. And actually, I would not mind giving a hundred massages. It is the fact that I feel unwanted, as though she is doing me a favor by allowing me in our bed.
I mean, wouldn't it be nice for my loved one to please me without explicit conditions being met? Just once?
I feel like a puppet, or a trainable pet of some sort. Not as a man.
Hell, I was married once before, it did not work out. But at least my ex had no qualms about wanting me.
Before we married, it was not like this. Everything was fine, now it seems I have tricks to do before I am rewarded.

 

[Yellowcoaching]

Have you explained that this feels a little formulaic to you? I'm not sure how much communication is going on between the two of you.

It could be that you are both on the same page without even realising it, she wants the back rub so that she feels loved wanted and in the mood and you want her to be responsive.
Does she ever initiate sex or intimacy with you?

I think you need to talk this over with her, try not to sound accusatory (it'll make things worse) but let her know that you feel she doesn't desire you and that it makes you feel low.

 

[wishiwuzthar]

no sex for you

This is a quote from the Sex Nazi at our local bordello...just kidding!
Anyway, I certainly thank everyone for their kindly remedies which I will begin to utilize.
If you do not mind I will keep you posted as to the progress we have made.
Thanks so very much!

 

[Louise 28]

touch

her back massage may feel as sexy and loving to her as your 'ride'.
youch can be sexual as well as other things. it can also show love and intanacy and closesness.
maybe she has felt too pressured or stressed before sex- and the massage helps her to relax?
If you love her, and dont mind giving her things to make her happy- then who cares if you feel like a puppet- you will be a nice loving caring sensual puppet.
And may benifit to boot, because she may give in to your charms and your loving caresses will prehaps trun her on, and she'll gladly make love.

or maybe she wants to make the session of intamacy last as long as possible. someyimes lovers forget all the build up to sex, can be almost as exhillerating to some people as the sex itself- maybe not quite the same feelings, but nice to have as a bonus too?

it could be her way of changing the expirience, change can feel more exciting?

if you enjoy the massage part- Id go with it.
If you dont like doing it- then Id suggest speaking to her about it.

 

[Ashami]

Have you and your wife explored her 'loss of libido'?

Guess that's a no then....