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No sex drive

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Bb2019

Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2019
Messages
22
Location
Ireland
As my depression got worse I have no sex drive at all and it's starting to cause problems with my relationship. He's always in the mood and I never am . I've tried explaining that I just feel so down that I have no interest sexually and reassured him that it's nothing to do with him but I'm not sure he really understands . He keeps pushing for sex and the only way I can get him to stop is to forcefully push him off me or raise my voice , which is a horrible thing to do so I usually avoid that and just give in . I know sex is an important part of a relationship , so we're still having sex at least twice a week because I don't want him to feel unwanted or rejected but it's difficult for me to maintain .I'm going back on medication soon so I'm hoping that if my mood improves it might help but has anyone got any other suggestions for getting my sex drive back ?
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,870
Location
Nowhere
oh dear Bb

he should not really be pushing you
he can do it himself !
are you worried he will push you physically ?

I have not been for relationship therapy
but I read a bit about it
and it was like to bring that back needs gentleness and patience
like cuddling with no expectations
and later on gentle touches

that kind of thing
then again a relationship therapist
would have alot more to say about it than I can !

maybe you can get away for a weekend
on your own or with a girl friend ?

:love: :hug5:
 
EddieH

EddieH

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 29, 2017
Messages
1,517
Location
Melbourne, Australia
Sorry to here you are having troubles. I'm a bloke and have had trouble because of all the medication, sort of want to get into a relationship but think it would be a deal breaker with some women. I don't think he should be putting pressure on you to do something you don't want to.
 
B

Bb2019

Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2019
Messages
22
Location
Ireland
oh dear Bb

he should not really be pushing you
he can do it himself !
are you worried he will push you physically ?

I have not been for relationship therapy
but I read a bit about it
and it was like to bring that back needs gentleness and patience
like cuddling with no expectations
and later on gentle touches

that kind of thing
then again a relationship therapist
would have alot more to say about it than I can !

maybe you can get away for a weekend
on your own or with a girl friend ?

:love: :hug5:
Not push me in a violent way but he is pushy sexually in a physical way , in the sense he'll keep touching me and pulling at my clothes after I say no . I've spoke to him about it a few times and asked him to respect my boundaries but he just comes back and says he has a high sex drive and to get my sex drive back we should just try out new things ,I don't really want to do that right now though .
Luckily we don't live together so I've taken a break from seeing him until next week. Cuddling with no expectations would be nice but it always seems to lead to something more . He is a very sweet guy , I just think he doesn't understand how I feel and I probably haven't helped the situation by letting him ignore my boundaries , I've never been any good at speaking up for myself .
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,870
Location
Nowhere
oh you dont live with him great !
not sure he is a nice guy if he is pushy like that with sex
when you are not well
and he doesn't sound capable of just cuddling

his pushing you to try out new things
will probably push your desire further down

since you dont live together
maybe you could take the bedroom off the table for a bit !
ask him for a date out for coffee or a meal

get him to pull his socks up !

:loveshower: :loveshower: :loveshower: ✨
 
B

Billy Idol

Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Yorkshire
Don't worry about it. There is more to life than sex.

IMO sex is all in the mind anyway, that's why cyber sex is a trillion pound industry.

It will come one day. Sorry i meant to say 'it will come back one day'. :grouphug:
 
hicks

hicks

Well-known member
Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
1,607
Location
A galaxy, far far away..
For him there isn't a problem at all because were still having sex . it's me who has the issue ,I need him to be a bit more supportive right now while I work through this and not to push when I say no but I'm having a hard time getting him to understand that .
I don't get what's so difficult to understand. You're not feeling well and this has affected your sex drive. If he doesn't get that and practically forces you into it, then it's at the least very intolerant/ignorant/unsupportive, and at the worst, abuse on some level.

I guess you've tried sitting down and having a frank discussion about this, explaining how you feel, and what you need to do?
 
I

indigo6

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 30, 2019
Messages
1,035
Location
UK
He either doesnt understand your illness, doesnt want to or is only thinking of sex.
Im concerned by you saying he keeps touching and pulling at your clothes after no, that you have to push him away or raise your voice. What next?
Why would he want to have sex with you when you dont want it. You cant seem happy about it.
Its fortunate you live apart. If he knows you are under professional care you could mention to him you are going to discuss the whole situation with your Doctor and I mean say whole so that alludes to discussing his behaviour. He might back off a bit.
 
hicks

hicks

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Joined
May 14, 2019
Messages
1,607
Location
A galaxy, far far away..
I've still got to ask though, what kind of person coerces another into sex when they don't want to? Personally I want my wife to get as much enjoyment out of it as I do, every time. :)
 
Last edited by a moderator:
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Penny68

Active member
Joined
Nov 7, 2019
Messages
34
Location
Liverpool
I think maybe you've missed the point , the problem isn't that I don't desire him ,I just feel so low and depressed that simple things like getting out of bed are a challenge so sex is the last thing on my mind . We're not exactly too young either I'm mid 20s he's 30s . For him there isn't a problem at all because were still having sex . it's me who has the issue ,I need him to be a bit more supportive right now while I work through this and not to push when I say no but I'm having a hard time getting him to understand that .
Hi x have you thought of taking a herbal supplement ? One that could boost your sex drive a little bit There is one called Maca Root Extract It may help xx
 
LadyDomino

LadyDomino

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Joined
May 7, 2019
Messages
149
Location
Dorset
My meds virtually killed my sex drive (and not helped by the menopause either)

Not tried the oysters, but I've tried Mace Root Extract (inter feared with my meds), also tried Horny Goat Weed (for women), with a little bit more success. You could also try Spanish Fly.

But for me, spending a couple of hours watching porn with my husband can get me more in the mood.

I am lucky that my husband is very patient and lets me me be the instigator.

BB2019 - perhaps this isn't the right guy for you if he is putting his desires over your needs???
 
B

Bb2019

Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2019
Messages
22
Location
Ireland
My meds virtually killed my sex drive (and not helped by the menopause either)

Not tried the oysters, but I've tried Mace Root Extract (inter feared with my meds), also tried Horny Goat Weed (for women), with a little bit more success. You could also try Spanish Fly.

But for me, spending a couple of hours watching porn with my husband can get me more in the mood.

I am lucky that my husband is very patient and lets me me be the instigator.

BB2019 - perhaps this isn't the right guy for you if he is putting his desires over your needs???
I'll try out the herbal supplements and see how it goes , I came off my meds last year but I'll be going back on them so I'll make sure to check none of the supplements interfere with them .
My boyfriend isn't entirely to blame as by me giving into his advances a lot of the time he knows that if he keeps pushing he can get what he want but I also think that when I give in he believes he's changed my mind and got me in the mood so maybe I need to be more clear with my communication with him . I'll try have another conversation with him and ask him to back off for a little while and let me initiate things for a change
 
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