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No real personality?

BlueBerry

BlueBerry

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Joined
Sep 13, 2014
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1,261
Location
Edinburgh
Bit of a weird thought here, but bear with me.

Does anyone get the feeling that they... don't really have much of a personality?
Maybe it's just me but I've been struggling for years with the feeling that I just don't have a personality or identity to call my own.

When interacting with people I always feel like I'm just putting on a persona, that I'm not really being me. I know everybody does this to an extent but it feels more extreme with me. I feel like I adopt persona's because there's nothing underneath that.

Even when I'm alone I think my thoughts and feelings are somehow playing some sort of role, like an actor. I sort of mould myself to the characters and personalities of people I've met before or read about or seen in TV.
If someone told me to "just be yourself" I wouldn't know what that means. I don't know who I really am.

Part of the problem I have with shyness and social interactions is the underlying (sometimes subconcious) worry that I have no real personality, under my persona I'm just nothing. I'm worried that people will notice there's nothing there and people won't want to be around me. Like I have nothing to say, nothing to talk about.

I know that identity issues can be a symptom of borderline personality disorder, I was just wondering if anyone else feels like this sometimes or if I'm just being weird? :scratcheshead:
 
FuzzyPeach

FuzzyPeach

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Joined
Jan 3, 2015
Messages
92
I'm not sure how old you are but I believe discovering you and your person are things which come with age. I know identity problems are part of bpd but my understanding is that bpd might be more about trying to please people by conforming to their personality. This does happen though as a teen. You take on different roles to see what fits. Some know from the get go who they are, others who have to deal with depression or troubled home lives take longer because their focus is on dealing with those issues. There is less time to focus on you. I'm sorry if I'm wrong of have offended anyone.

Identity is something I've only recently found at 38. I finally know who I am and what I want and what I don't want. It is a lifelong learning thing.

I have a slight impression of your personality from reading your posts. I have a feel for who you are and how you tick. You do have a personality. I get the impression you are very nice and very caring. You seem a bit uncertain about yourself. Keep thinking. You are on the right path. It is a well trodden path that all of us go down.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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Jul 8, 2013
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Mordor
As you get older I think you become more candid and honest and care less about putting on an image.

It is difficult - sometimes people expect you to be someone your not.

I think at work I just want to be quiet and get on with my work - but get envious of those people full of energy and running around discussing things.

I can relate to you blueberry.
 
BlueBerry

BlueBerry

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Sep 13, 2014
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Location
Edinburgh
Thanks both of you. :hug:

I'm 23 for the record and it just causes me a lot of uncertainty and confusion about my own identity. Maybe I do have a real personality... it's just an achingly boring and bland one.

I know I probably give off some semblance of personality here on the forums, but I think that BlueBerry is a sort of persona as well. I don't know how much BlueBerry's personality and mine are alike?

Alright, this is getting weird. :confused:
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

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Dec 28, 2014
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508
Hi honey, I feel like that as well. I don't even know what the expression "being yourself" means anymore to me. It's like I don't really know who I am. And this loss of self, I think it's a common thing. More people than you may realize experience it.

I've heard people saying they lost themselves (or part of themselves) after a traumatic experience or a major change in their life. For me... I'm not really sure if it's loss. Because loss assumes you had something, and then lost it. However, I feel more like I've never had it.

And I think (I'm not sure if I'm right) it has to do with a lot of things: too afraid to accept I can like/want things and pursue them, too scared to admit certain things harm me and try to avoid them. Whenever I was looking inside myself I was seeing a person that didn't deserve anything.

Finding yourself may take time, and it's a process.

Did something trigger this, or have you always felt this way? Do you feel like you don't know what you like and what you don't/what interests you and what not? (Just trying to understand better where you're coming from, you don't have to answer if you don't want to).
 
BlueBerry

BlueBerry

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Edinburgh
I've never had a traumatic experience that could have triggered this and I don't think I've always been like this either. In my younger days I had a very vivid and lively personality that I'm fairly certain was mine.

I think it was around the age of 17-19 that I started feeling a bit empty and confused about who I was, like I was switching between personas all the time (even when alone) and never settling on one core identity.

In fact that was around the time a lot of my mental/emotional problems began to manifest I think, with depression being the earliest one. It's only been around the last year or so that I've been considering the possibility of mental illness/disorders. Before then I always just kinda accepted that I was just an empty broken person.
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

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Dec 28, 2014
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508
Ok, makes sense. And I can imagine this must have been difficult, especially since you've had a more lively and vivid personality as you say.

Have you seen any doctor about that? If it is indeed a mental health illness, you deserve a proper diagnosis and treatment. You don't have to live like an empty broken person.
 
A

Alienated

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Who do you want to be, and what are you willing to do to become that person ?
 
BlueBerry

BlueBerry

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Sep 13, 2014
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Edinburgh
StillFighting - I'm seeing a doctor tomorrow. Hopefully they'll refer me to a mental health specialist and I can maybe start to figure out what's wrong with me.

Alienated - I don't know who I want to be. My "ideal self" keeps changing along with my moods.
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Aug 17, 2012
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The West Country
I don't know, i've always known who I am and my personality.
But i'm also very aware that I could come across as boring to some people.
I suppose somewhere along the line i've felt it's safer to hide who I am and instead never express myself and just agree with everybody else.
I know i'm not 'being me', but it's a safety mechanism that at least for the time being seems to be protecting me in some way.
 
R

Raspberry1

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Joined
Apr 2, 2017
Messages
2
I can relate to this! I sometimes feel as though I am putting on a mask to interact with people and all that is underneath is confusion. When I express the blank uncertainty however I feel that is not received well and I worry people will stop wanting to talk to me.

I hold many beliefs which conflict, for example I am spiritual but also deeply pragmatic. I get confused whilst talking about myself and I really don't know how to be authentic. I hope that's relevant, sorry if it is not I am a first time user of a forum.
 
Per Ardua Ad Astra

Per Ardua Ad Astra

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Joined
Apr 15, 2014
Messages
9,363
Location
North of England, UK
Someone said to me recently you can do too much - just be yourself.

That may be confusing in this context, but it's too easy to define ourselves in relation to other people. There isn't always any point in looking for your self-esteem in others; sometimes it simply can't be found there to any extent, and in any case, ultimately our self-esteem comes from within us, and it's up to us to secure it.

Likewise, a lot of emotional energy is spent trying to work out how others might perceive us, but often our beliefs about the perceptions of other are very wrong. Think of times when misunderstandings arise out of conversation alone, and are only resolved because clarification is sought by one party or another in the conversation. Imagine all the potential misunderstandings that arise out of racy thoughts about what people may or not think about us.

:)
 
jetgirl

jetgirl

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Joined
Jun 10, 2014
Messages
87
Location
Aberdeen, Scotland, UK.
Bit of a weird thought here, but bear with me.

Does anyone get the feeling that they... don't really have much of a personality?
Maybe it's just me but I've been struggling for years with the feeling that I just don't have a personality or identity to call my own.

When interacting with people I always feel like I'm just putting on a persona, that I'm not really being me. I know everybody does this to an extent but it feels more extreme with me. I feel like I adopt persona's because there's nothing underneath that.

Even when I'm alone I think my thoughts and feelings are somehow playing some sort of role, like an actor. I sort of mould myself to the characters and personalities of people I've met before or read about or seen in TV.
If someone told me to "just be yourself" I wouldn't know what that means. I don't know who I really am.

Part of the problem I have with shyness and social interactions is the underlying (sometimes subconcious) worry that I have no real personality, under my persona I'm just nothing. I'm worried that people will notice there's nothing there and people won't want to be around me. Like I have nothing to say, nothing to talk about.

I know that identity issues can be a symptom of borderline personality disorder, I was just wondering if anyone else feels like this sometimes or if I'm just being weird? :scratcheshead:
I totally identify with this, you are definitely not alone!
 
American Boy

American Boy

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Mar 30, 2016
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16,729
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London UK
My true personality is of an American lesbian :eek:
 
M

manachor

New member
Joined
Nov 7, 2017
Messages
2
I feel the same way and don't have any serious anxiety or shyness i actually rather outgoing one of the people that my friends feel like they can open up to and frequently want to hang out with i oblige and love every second of it hate being alone lol However i feel like inside deeper than the surface beyond my many personas and ways of acting depending on those who are around me i am nothing i am a person with only one key goal and no real sense of self i am a no one who will remain a no one....i don't understand cause i know this to be something that i can change within myself but i won't allow it to change like personas and acts are all i can ever be and just so you know i made an account just to reply to this
 
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