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No one believes I'm a "sociopath". It's annoying.

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Financial_ad429

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Hi, I feel I have insight to help you, as I was dating someone who told me he’s a sociopath. Says he doesn’t form attachments and doesn’t feel anything except for maybe for his son… but he left his son and took a job far away when he didn’t have to, just to be selfish. He likes to remind me that If he can do this, then he’ll betray anyone. He says he likes to have an “out” so he can leave any situation immediately and has no expectations from anyone, even though he actually still has a wife. This sounds like a true personality disordered individual, right? Well, I believed him. Didn’t think he’s trying to be dramatic or make excuses for his behavior. I’m sorry that’s happening to you, though I would suspsect empathic statements mean nothing to you really
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Thank you! Yes, he does sound like he was rather...lost. I find it interesting that he appeared to make a point of emphasising that he felt nothing, formed no bonds, and basically doesn't care about anything. Like he was trying to convince himself somehow. Or he was just proud of it.

I do actually feel empathy (very strongly) with those extremely few people I form bonds with. Everyone else, no. I wish them no harm, but I just don't care.

One thing I agree with about the guy you dated is that I also tend to always have an "out" or a back-up plan. I hate expectations. I don't want anyone expecting things from me, and I don't want to have to expect anything from anyone else.
 
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Financial_ad429

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Thank you! Yes, he does sound like he was rather...lost. I find it interesting that he appeared to make a point of emphasising that he felt nothing, formed no bonds, and basically doesn't care about anything. Like he was trying to convince himself somehow. Or he was just proud of it.

I do actually feel empathy (very strongly) with those extremely few people I form bonds with. Everyone else, no. I wish them no harm, but I just don't care.

One thing I agree with about the guy you dated is that I also tend to always have an "out" or a back-up plan. I hate expectations. I don't want anyone expecting things from me, and I don't want to have to expect anything from anyone else.
Thank you for sharing. So I felt I was at an impasse, with someone who flipped out if I expected even for him to want to spend his free weekend w me after not seeing him for a month. (Not the kind of expectation where I wanted him to do me a favor…. I thought he’d have the emotion making him want to see me too!) And as he loves to point out repeatedly, he left his wife and kids to take a job far away and didn’t even care when they were all crying for him not to go (although now he will say how he misses them all the time yet doesn’t move back even though he could have his old job). Actually he says he asked an ex to move w him instead and his wife threw him out briefly over that..!
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Nah, this guy's a waste of a time. He's never going to change, has no idea what he wants, and seems defiantly smug about the pain his actions have caused.

He actually sounds more like a narcissist with a deep seated fear of real feelings than a straight forward ASPD.
 
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Financial_ad429

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Nah, this guy's a waste of a time. He's never going to change, has no idea what he wants, and seems defiantly smug about the pain his actions have caused.

He actually sounds more like a narcissist with a deep seated fear of real feelings than a straight forward ASPD.
Great points. I was trying to find a way to make him feel comfortable enough to emotionally connect, bht I can’t lower my standards and “expect nothing” (what he says he wants) to the point that I don’t care if he’s out spending his vacations with other people, talking to numerous other women etc (
 
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Financial_ad429

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And if I see other men after he hadn’t left his wife or made any motions indicating commitment, he tries to make me feel badly for being disloyal, whereas I thought that was obvious par for the course when you don’t leave your own relationship to be w someone
 
S

Simple2021

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Thank you! Yes, he does sound like he was rather...lost. I find it interesting that he appeared to make a point of emphasising that he felt nothing, formed no bonds, and basically doesn't care about anything. Like he was trying to convince himself somehow. Or he was just proud of it.

I do actually feel empathy (very strongly) with those extremely few people I form bonds with. Everyone else, no. I wish them no harm, but I just don't care.

One thing I agree with about the guy you dated is that I also tend to always have an "out" or a back-up plan. I hate expectations. I don't want anyone expecting things from me, and I don't want to have to expect anything from anyone else.

Hi,

My question is why do you strongly believe that you are a sociopath? We don't go around trying to out ourselves. I know that I never considered myself to have anything wrong until those who were close to me whom didn't know each other called me a sociopath and psychopath after I wreaked havoc in their lives.

I had conduct disorder probably starting at the age of 4. It continued and escalated as I grew into adulthood. I feel empathy for a select few of people but it's very shallow. The best way to explain it is in situations with these people where I know I'm supposed to feel empathy, I have to try and pull it out from deep inside if that makes sense. It doesn't happen as a knee jerk reaction. It's something that I try and force in some cases but it's just not there.

I only recently began to control my impulses in my behavior that used to damage others, not physically even though I have gotten physical with others in the past and could have gone to jail. I definitely don't want to be in jail so I learned to control the impulse to strike when I'm angry. I actually learned to shut off my anger circuit, so now I don't get angry. I get frustrated, annoyed but not angry. If I get angry, I get over it quickly.

I also used to be a compulsive liar. If my lips were moving, I was lying. That was another trait I had to change. People were noticing it and calling me on it. I have no idea why you'd want this diagnosis. I work hard to hide my pathology, I would never want my peers to know
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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I lie as easily as I tell the truth. I often can't tell the difference as it doesn't really matter to me.

I have done illegal things since age 7, but moreso since age 15. Mostly fraud and theft. I was never caught and that's the only reason I've not been diagnosed with any sort of conduct issue or disorder. Nobody ever suspects me as I look and act innocent, always looked younger than I am, and can be very nice if I can be bothered or it gets me what I want.

I have to be aware of my face. Like, when I'm talking to someone I'm always thinking "How should I look right now? What's a normal expression for what this person's just said? I'm bored..." lol.

Also when I used to be in the supermarket and taking a bunch of stuff, I was always aware of keeping my eyebrows slightly lifted so to open up my face and look "nicer". If I relax my face and have no expression, I tend to look a bit...not so nice.

I should have clarified the point of this thread to say that I don't want EVERYONE or random people to know my tendencies or diagnoses, but when psychiatrists and psychologists refuse to believe me, it is annoying. I feel like they are stupid and ignorant, and instantly I become bored again.

And the only reason I want THEM to believe me is for a very specific reason that I can't disclose as it is for yet more fraud purposes. Otherwise I wouldn't care.
 
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WhySoSerious

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Yes! I don't mind so much friends or colleagues. I don't need them to accept it all. But psychiatrists? Come on now. Do your job. Don't be so narrow minded and naive.

I look young too, for my age. I'm 43 but often get mistaken for being in my late 20s, which also seems to prompt difficulty in believing my truth(s).

It frustrates me, not only because it's boring, but because I'm paying money to these people which seems somewhat of a waste if they refuse to believe me. I literally feel like I'm superior to them.

The thing also is, I CAN be nice. I'm MOSTLY nice because I'm used to putting on a facade, but also because as long as no one gets in my way and as long as it doesn't sap too much of my energy, it's not hard to be polite and chatty. Most people can be nice sometimes.
Could it be that actually you haven't got those issues and that is why MH professionals don't see it? I am unsure why it would be a "good" thing to be seen as this narcissistic, sociopath.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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Could it be that actually you haven't got those issues and that is why MH professionals don't see it? I am unsure why it would be a "good" thing to be seen as this narcissistic, sociopath.
No. I do have them. I don't care that I do, and I feel no need to seek treatment for them (it's my other problems that trouble me. Anxiety, depression and such), and I have already said that I don't care if everyday people know this about me. What I find frustrating is that MH professionals don't believe me. They never give any actual logical REASON for their opinion though. They just dismiss it, as if trying hard to believe I surely MUST care about strangers and I surely MUST feel guilty for all my various crimes. No. I just don't.
 
stevie_sloth

stevie_sloth

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I believe you

You are a sociopath

you are the first sociopath I have actually liked

No but really

I used to demonize sociopathes

Its just a condition like any other

everyones different
Thank you! I'm not some stereotypical villain who stalks the streets or the net looking for my next victim. lol. I generally wish no one any harm. I'm highly self aware and am fully aware of my feelings. I do feel empathy for a very few people, and all animals. For anyone else, no. If anyone asked me why, I couldn't tell them. I just don't feel it and to me that's as normal as those people who DO feel it.

I've had to tone down certain automatic behaviours over the years, which means pretending to NOT be quite so bossy and domineering, so selfish, so self-absorbed, and so devoid of (most) human interest.
 
Hello513

Hello513

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Thank you! I'm not some stereotypical villain who stalks the streets or the net looking for my next victim. lol. I generally wish no one any harm. I'm highly self aware and am fully aware of my feelings. I do feel empathy for a very few people, and all animals. For anyone else, no. If anyone asked me why, I couldn't tell them. I just don't feel it and to me that's as normal as those people who DO feel it.

I've had to tone down certain automatic behaviours over the years, which means pretending to NOT be quite so bossy and domineering, so selfish, so self-absorbed, and so devoid of (most) human interest.

Ya I actually watched some videos about some self proffesed socio paths it taught me to deconstruct the villian mentality I had of them

I never actually talked to them though

Which is why i said you are the first I have liked

Sociopaths are normally upstanding members of society

are they perfect no, but who the hell is
 
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